Kang-kor means difficult, in dialect.
I don't know how or where to start, but in a nutshell, I'm exhausted and emotionally drained.
There are many battles going on inside my head and here are some occassional examples:
- I want to go hide in my 'corner' and play guitar, eat dark chocolate, watch documentaries
- I don't want to meet / hang out with people
- I don't want to go for and do cell
- I don't want to go to work
- I don't want anymore "arrows" from ministry
- I want my December holiday back
- I want to pull out my hair
Despite the mental rage and brutality going on, I still choose to press on and have total reliance on God.
And here are some "DANGEROUS" things which I have asked from God (and that He is indeed granting my request):
1. I want to be stretched and challenged beyond my means and imagination
2. I want to surrender my time and holiday for His plans and purposes
3. I want to be selfless and surrendered in relationships (ie: with the people around me)
4. I want to store up treasures in heaven, and better still, none on earth
The bottomline is that when you ask God to use you (more) for His purposes and kingdom, you will NOT be disappointed. ;)
By the way ah, I'm not depressed or what...but just drained. Even though there are thoughts of throwing in the towel, of discouragement, of despair, of some degree of neverending adversity, I still see them as opportunities whereby I can either:
1. pretend they are not there and move on, or
2. acknowledge they are there, use them as fuel for complaining, be negative, be critical, be cynical, be overly-pragmatic, play the blame game - and in the end, forfeit the training, or
3. acknowledge they are there, give thanks in all circumstances, rely on God for strength when my body is strained and emotions failing, trust God for provision when I'm running short on time or resources, by amazed and in awe that I'm storing treasures in heaven rather than pursuing temporal rewards, be glad that in this I'm drawing closer to God and that He's glorified, be grateful that the time spent with others are investing in their lives, be aware that it's His will and not mine which must be done - press on, move on and go in obedience to God.
I choose number 3.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Monday, November 03, 2008
Bluntly Speaking 6
Live what you Believe: Don't contradict yourself
==================================
Being in campus and around campus people, it won't be surprising to hear about the countless dreams, desires and aspirations which many have. Sure, they are mature and intellectual people and they definitely have a good idea of what they want.
But there has to be consistency between their words and their actions. I repeat, CONSISTENCY.
It doesn't help if:
- you want to lose weight and you still continue to have suppers high in calories
- you want to love others self-lessly and still continue to gossip
- you want to start the day early and still continue to hit the snooze button
- you want to grow in the Lord and still continue to put away your quiet time
And honestly speaking, it's way easier to do a one-off, large-scale attempt to achieve something, than to engage in small, humble, consistent and determined efforts to reach your goals.
In other words, it's easier to be inspired and go 6km and then get cramps and give up, then to do 2km runs regularly and build up from there.
Thus, it's crucial that we place our aspirations/ambitions side-by-side with our actions. It's okay if they are very far apart, but the thing is, is the latter getting CLOSER to the former?
So, to get where we desire to go, make it a point to start with small, digestible efforts. And keep to them despite your circumstances nor emotions - press on and persevere. It's the small steps one after the other that eventually reaches the destination, not the big leaps and the nothingness after that.
==================================
Being in campus and around campus people, it won't be surprising to hear about the countless dreams, desires and aspirations which many have. Sure, they are mature and intellectual people and they definitely have a good idea of what they want.
But there has to be consistency between their words and their actions. I repeat, CONSISTENCY.
It doesn't help if:
- you want to lose weight and you still continue to have suppers high in calories
- you want to love others self-lessly and still continue to gossip
- you want to start the day early and still continue to hit the snooze button
- you want to grow in the Lord and still continue to put away your quiet time
And honestly speaking, it's way easier to do a one-off, large-scale attempt to achieve something, than to engage in small, humble, consistent and determined efforts to reach your goals.
In other words, it's easier to be inspired and go 6km and then get cramps and give up, then to do 2km runs regularly and build up from there.
Thus, it's crucial that we place our aspirations/ambitions side-by-side with our actions. It's okay if they are very far apart, but the thing is, is the latter getting CLOSER to the former?
So, to get where we desire to go, make it a point to start with small, digestible efforts. And keep to them despite your circumstances nor emotions - press on and persevere. It's the small steps one after the other that eventually reaches the destination, not the big leaps and the nothingness after that.
Monday, October 06, 2008
The Thumbprint of Problems and Opportunities
Each problem is unique. And in it are opportunities - to learn, to mature, to grow, to reflect, etc.
And if one doesn't cease those opportunities, they are wasted. And if one doesn't see problems as opportunities, they are wasted as well. Gone forever.
You'll never get the same problem/opportunity again. And there's no point regretting about it - it's a waste of resources.
=====
Recently, I asked God to help me deal and overcome the fear of man - the struggling and pressing need to gain his approval and meet his expectations. And yes, the number of times whereby my social skills and emotional resilience has been put to the test has bloated exponentially.
Coupled with the fact that I've firmly decided to make it a point to see the value in the lives of others and to see them for who they are.
Things aren't easy, but James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
It means that the way to maturity in the midst of trials is to press on until the end, if not, one will miss the point.
And the higher level you go, the greater the tests and challenges.
=====
While others can make all the remarks they want to make, blabber and talk about things (without much action), cut around corners because they claim "it's very difficult", or give up half-way because there's no more emotional/spiritual highs and their inspiration's gone...
...I shall press on towards the passion, purposes and calling which God has placed in my life. I'll keep at it because it's worth it and it's my sacrifice and worship unto God.
It will be hard, and it's definitely useful to know that the currency for character development is sweat, blood and tears.
I've come to a point whereby some won't be able to know or care what I'm going through / how I'm feeling along the way, but it doesn't matter. I'll stay close to God, and to those who really care. And as for God and to those who really care, You and you all shall share with me in my journey. ;)
And if one doesn't cease those opportunities, they are wasted. And if one doesn't see problems as opportunities, they are wasted as well. Gone forever.
You'll never get the same problem/opportunity again. And there's no point regretting about it - it's a waste of resources.
=====
Recently, I asked God to help me deal and overcome the fear of man - the struggling and pressing need to gain his approval and meet his expectations. And yes, the number of times whereby my social skills and emotional resilience has been put to the test has bloated exponentially.
Coupled with the fact that I've firmly decided to make it a point to see the value in the lives of others and to see them for who they are.
Things aren't easy, but James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
It means that the way to maturity in the midst of trials is to press on until the end, if not, one will miss the point.
And the higher level you go, the greater the tests and challenges.
=====
While others can make all the remarks they want to make, blabber and talk about things (without much action), cut around corners because they claim "it's very difficult", or give up half-way because there's no more emotional/spiritual highs and their inspiration's gone...
...I shall press on towards the passion, purposes and calling which God has placed in my life. I'll keep at it because it's worth it and it's my sacrifice and worship unto God.
It will be hard, and it's definitely useful to know that the currency for character development is sweat, blood and tears.
I've come to a point whereby some won't be able to know or care what I'm going through / how I'm feeling along the way, but it doesn't matter. I'll stay close to God, and to those who really care. And as for God and to those who really care, You and you all shall share with me in my journey. ;)
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Practice, practice, practice...(are we there yet?)
Excerpt from today's "Our Daily Bread", with emphasis added.
Leonardo da Vinci spent 10 years drawing ears, elbows, hands, and other parts of the body in many different aspects. Then one day he set aside the exercises and painted what he saw. Likewise, athletes and musicians never become great without regular practice.
Practice and training is VERY, VERY different from the actual performance, or actual thing. One thing we must realise is that for a very good or even exceptional performance to be materialised, there has to be thorough and intense preparation and training involved.
Likewise, to become excellent at something, one needs to devote and be willing to sacrifice long hours in training. There are no shortcuts - an initial burst of enthusiasm to pursue something is, bluntly put, not good enough. What's necessary and crucial is actually steadfast and faithful practice - despite emotion, circumstances or others.
There are many times when I see some musician perform or do a cover on Youtube and I'm so amazed and inspired by it, I grab my guitar and search for the tabs and try it. Then reality hits - it is not as easy as it appears to be.
Yes, practice, practice, practice...it's the long-term consistency that counts.
Leonardo da Vinci spent 10 years drawing ears, elbows, hands, and other parts of the body in many different aspects. Then one day he set aside the exercises and painted what he saw. Likewise, athletes and musicians never become great without regular practice.
Practice and training is VERY, VERY different from the actual performance, or actual thing. One thing we must realise is that for a very good or even exceptional performance to be materialised, there has to be thorough and intense preparation and training involved.
Likewise, to become excellent at something, one needs to devote and be willing to sacrifice long hours in training. There are no shortcuts - an initial burst of enthusiasm to pursue something is, bluntly put, not good enough. What's necessary and crucial is actually steadfast and faithful practice - despite emotion, circumstances or others.
There are many times when I see some musician perform or do a cover on Youtube and I'm so amazed and inspired by it, I grab my guitar and search for the tabs and try it. Then reality hits - it is not as easy as it appears to be.
Yes, practice, practice, practice...it's the long-term consistency that counts.
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