Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The Process of Stretching is KANG-KOR

Kang-kor means difficult, in dialect.

I don't know how or where to start, but in a nutshell, I'm exhausted and emotionally drained.

There are many battles going on inside my head and here are some occassional examples:
- I want to go hide in my 'corner' and play guitar, eat dark chocolate, watch documentaries
- I don't want to meet / hang out with people
- I don't want to go for and do cell
- I don't want to go to work
- I don't want anymore "arrows" from ministry
- I want my December holiday back
- I want to pull out my hair

Despite the mental rage and brutality going on, I still choose to press on and have total reliance on God.

And here are some "DANGEROUS" things which I have asked from God (and that He is indeed granting my request):

1. I want to be stretched and challenged beyond my means and imagination
2. I want to surrender my time and holiday for His plans and purposes
3. I want to be selfless and surrendered in relationships (ie: with the people around me)
4. I want to store up treasures in heaven, and better still, none on earth

The bottomline is that when you ask God to use you (more) for His purposes and kingdom, you will NOT be disappointed. ;)

By the way ah, I'm not depressed or what...but just drained. Even though there are thoughts of throwing in the towel, of discouragement, of despair, of some degree of neverending adversity, I still see them as opportunities whereby I can either:

1. pretend they are not there and move on, or

2. acknowledge they are there, use them as fuel for complaining, be negative, be critical, be cynical, be overly-pragmatic, play the blame game - and in the end, forfeit the training, or

3. acknowledge they are there, give thanks in all circumstances, rely on God for strength when my body is strained and emotions failing, trust God for provision when I'm running short on time or resources, by amazed and in awe that I'm storing treasures in heaven rather than pursuing temporal rewards, be glad that in this I'm drawing closer to God and that He's glorified, be grateful that the time spent with others are investing in their lives, be aware that it's His will and not mine which must be done - press on, move on and go in obedience to God.

I choose number 3.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Bluntly Speaking 6

Live what you Believe: Don't contradict yourself

Being in campus and around campus people, it won't be surprising to hear about the countless dreams, desires and aspirations which many have. Sure, they are mature and intellectual people and they definitely have a good idea of what they want.

But there has to be consistency between their words and their actions. I repeat, CONSISTENCY.

It doesn't help if:

- you want to lose weight and you still continue to have suppers high in calories
- you want to love others self-lessly and still continue to gossip
- you want to start the day early and still continue to hit the snooze button
- you want to grow in the Lord and still continue to put away your quiet time

And honestly speaking, it's way easier to do a one-off, large-scale attempt to achieve something, than to engage in small, humble, consistent and determined efforts to reach your goals.

In other words, it's easier to be inspired and go 6km and then get cramps and give up, then to do 2km runs regularly and build up from there.

Thus, it's crucial that we place our aspirations/ambitions side-by-side with our actions. It's okay if they are very far apart, but the thing is, is the latter getting CLOSER to the former?

So, to get where we desire to go, make it a point to start with small, digestible efforts. And keep to them despite your circumstances nor emotions - press on and persevere. It's the small steps one after the other that eventually reaches the destination, not the big leaps and the nothingness after that.