Thursday, March 26, 2009

It is indeed an inescapable fact that humans, like you and me, need to be rewarded in order to continue doing something.

Whether it's:
- a sense of achievement
- the sight of seeing someone helped or their needs met
- seeing a cause come to fulfilment
- just simply because it brings us pleasure
- etc...

And looking at the past month, I'm definitely sure that the amount of pressure that has been placed upon me is even greater than the magnitude of commitments I took on during the past December holidays (which caused me to burnout).

But the difference now is that, apart from desiring to serve God and others, [1] I'm doing things out of my LOVE for Him and [2] I'm doing things because He is my REWARD.

I cannot stress enough for point [2] because that was what really ministered to me during this week. With an abundant supply of projects and assignments and the impending examinations, ALL that I think of during this hectic (by conventional standards) period, is just God.

Yes. To be with Him, in Him, for Him, to hold Him, touch Him, have Him, see Him, hug Him. And now I have greater understanding on how loving God can be so pleasurable that it might border on the lines of eroticism - in similar terms to falling in love and having that special someone, multiplied by infinity.

Thus, in a nutshell, ALL I want is God. I am even more than happy if He suddenly takes me to heaven now because that's like a wish come true. But for now, on this realm and in this fleshly and physical self, I shall strive to live my utmost for Him and be wholehearted in all that I do.


The Christian life is simple, but it's NOT easy.

To be honest, it WILL cost you.

But what cost is that to us if at the end of the day we can meet and know our Creator face to face?

So, all in all, it's gain...with exorbitant profit margins...

I personally feel that all the debates across denominations, all the complications of our faith and belief, the various facets of theology, intellect, culture, etc should NEVER hinder us from living for God.

And I believe that it is our inherent fallen nature that we tend to mess and complicate things - bringing in legalism and all sorts of commitments bound to obligation. If we continue to subscribe to these ways, we are surely giving the enemy an easier time...

Indeed life will be much simpler if we all look to and keep looking to God.

- if it's tough, ask Him for help
- if it seems mundane, ask Him to help you stay faithful, before the "bigger and more happening" things come
- if we are already looking, encourage one another and stay firm
- if we don't know how, ask Him for wisdom and revelation
- if we are offended, ask Him to help us forgive
- if we lose out, look at Him closely - He's your reward
- if we gain, give thanks to Him and share the blessing
- if we fail, we only fail if we give up
- if we are mocked, He comforts us
- if we are backstabbed, He's the ultimate Judge
- if we are despised, He still looks upon us with great love
- if we are faithful, He will reward us
- if we stumble, He will help us up
- if we are stuck in a rut, He is a God of breakthrough
- etc...

Saturday, March 14, 2009

A time of testing/stretching?

What a week...

I've come to a point where by soul and emotions feel SO drained that it's quite challenging to engage in deep conversations with people...but DON'T worry, I'm still in love with God.

Here's how it started:

As per normal, despite all the deadlines, assignments, projects, words of pessimism, grumblings, complains, etc going around me, I desperately continue to ask God DAILY to help me find joy in everything that I do for Him.

And yes, with God's help it's very much possible to find purpose and delight in the things we do everyday, like routines, mundane stuff, people, and all that.

But somehow during the week, God seemed to be placing people in my midst for me to get to know more about them and what they are going through. Thing is, by nature, I'm not really a people person, and I will not naturally strike conversations with people and try to hear them out. The most I'll go is "Where are you heading to?", "Hi. See ya. Take care.", "Hey, what a small world...."

For example, in times whereby I really want my own time and personal space:

- a sister and I happen to take our buses from the same bus-stop and so we talk along the way back

- I happen to stumble upon my schoolmate (who's now on internship) on my way back, and so he tells me about how my current modules will be like (cos he took them last sem), how to prepare for them, and so on...

- on my way to church after a lab project meeting (forgoing my afternoon nap), I'm with my friend and we're talking during the entire train ride (when all I want to do is to find a seat, be silent and close my eyes)

- I gladly agree to help out for our Friday campus gathering (even though I really needed my afternoon nap)

- on Friday when I really want to worship God and pray for our campuses wholeheartedly, I feel even MORE exhausted after that evening session

I sense God is really stretching my heart for others. May His heart for others be made perfect in my introvert-ness...

Dear God,

You definitely heard my prayers to live for you with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and for You to defend and stretch my childlike faith and joy in You.

I know You're training me with the circumstances that I'm going through. That whenever I pray for you to build up (for example) my identity in You, You placed people around me who seem to question my motives, who seem to give me weird and sometimes intimidating looks, who can't seem to support my convictions in You...

Lord, it's hard...and I know that I'm NOT and NEVER made to live for status quo. I know that You are the God Most High and we are a chosen people of power. And I want to LIVE in Your love and power. I want to crave for more of You EVERYDAY. I want to love others the way You love me.

But God, the more I pursue these, the more I feel drained. Daddy, it's perfectly okay if You don't make me feel comfortable, because You're more concerned about my character. But Father, please sustain me...without You, I might as well give up. But I don't want to throw in the towel because I love You and I will stand for You.

One of the ways the devil can get at me is through people and that can really hurt me. But my identity and security lies in You. I cannot live or continue without Your encouragement because there are many around me who easily despise the things You have placed in my heart. Many times it feels as if I'm talking to a wall, or like they are despising me whenever I share the reason why I love You.

God, please HELP me love them. Honestly, I feel like defending myself and retaliating and slapping them out of their stupid ideas. But I refuse to because You told me not to judge. You told me to love them. You told me to show grace, mercy and forgiveness because You done to same to me.

Father, encourage me also, whenever I sacrifice my time and resources for Your Kingdom. Your son and servant gladly does so out of his love for You. But God, it's SO EASY to compare with others. Help me to stay focused on You. They may have their free time, their money, their cars, their grades, their fame, their respect from others, their games, their girls, their hobbies, their TV programmes, etc...but I have You. Even when I don't feel that You're enough for me, HELP me...Lord....

It's simple to live for You, but it's not easy. But I will CHOOSE You because I love You and that You are more that what this world can offer. As I desire to stay faithful and obedient to You, may You be glorified and may others be blessed and touched by Your love...

In Your Son's most precious name,