commitment to the bloody surrender

2 Cor 12:9-10 - But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Usually when I read the above 2 verses I see them both as God's strength being perfected in our weaknesses. But today He's showing that to me in a different light.

When we become more Christlike, other than being transformed into His image and bearing characteristics more and more like Him, another thing you can be sure is that you are gonna face insults, hardships, persecutions, difficulties, etc like He did.

Facing these like He did is not a bad thing, but neither is it easy. But one can ALWAYS choose to do things OTHERWISE. Obedience is a choice. If it is forced, it is not obedience, it is obligation.

In the fellowship of brothers and sisters in Christ, I have seen countless fall away because they choose NOT to follow His ways. And the choice is very much clear - you follow Him completely or you don't. Anything less than a wholehearted desire to follow Him is as good as losing yourself to this world.

But those who choose to obey the call and walk the path faithfully deserve my utmost honor and respect. These are the people who bleed, sweat and tear on the "road marked with suffering". As I learn to journey on the road of bloody surrender, I realise that death is something very normal.

Die to yourself.
Die to your desires.
Die to your time and resources.
Die to the world.
Die for Christ.

Putting away all the externalities and superficialities, I realise too that the sweat, blood and tears of sincere service and faithfulness is indeed very valuable and precious in God's eyes. And as I draw closer to Him, I too value these more in my fellow comrades in service.

In the past I would think they are crazy people with no life. People who just didn't know how to take things easy and relax. People with too much things to do reflecting some sort of bad time management.

But once I step into similar shoes, pick up my arms and charge into the frontlines with them, I then realise the BEAUTY of COMMITMENT.

Honestly, I'm very sensitive physically, emotionally and spiritually to the word, "Commitment". Not because I can boast that I have it all, but it's something that I desire to have more of and something I really treasure, respect and honor.

Commitment is when you want something, you walk towards it and keep walking towards it till you get it. Anything less is bears no commitment at all.

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Last Friday evening was indeed a very difficult period for me.

In short, someone seemed to challenge my leadership position, forced words into my face in front of others and offered some not-really constructive advice/suggestions (on impulse).

I haven't been infuriated in a very long time. And when I do, it is either [1] the person is very "skilled" or [2] the situation is darn critical.

It seriously and literally felt like a spear was lunged into my heart. On the way home, my emotions were really cracked up - on top of feeling exhausted from the weeks' activities.

I was close to the brink of retaliation, which I glad I did not. Instead I did something drastic on the train ride home. Rather than spending time emo-ing and over-questioning God why this was happening, I choose to bless the person in God's name. I choose to forgive the person despite my current state of mind and emotions. I will still lay down my life for that person (to honor an old commitment).

I was trying to picture the scene when Jesus was mocked, spat at and flogged by Roman legionnaires. I could have hurled my spear at that person; Jesus could have just dumped those soldiers in hell. But He choose to forgive them. He choose to let go.

It's kind of interesting because some weeks back I was teaching a lesson on forgiveness - that it just boils down to our own personal choice. Others can do WHATEVER they want, but the choice on how to respond is up to us.

back to pushing pixels

Honestly and sincerely speaking, I've missed doing graphic design. And the past few tasks assigned to me for my project really got me back to it once again.

Playing around with fonts, colors, shapes, shades, transparency settings, stock photography, and other image/graphic manipulation software and techniques seem to teach me that the skills and talents given to me by God is supposed to be harnessed and used.

If I have kept quiet when our group was facing certain design and publicity needs, this skill set of mine would have not be further developed and our company's (fictitious one, though) image would have been less professional.

Nuff said...here's what I did the past week for design and publicity...





Now, I'll be working on the "company's" website....

drawing closer to God...

Already in week 3 of the "holidays". It always seems that whenever I choose to surrender my holidays to God, He will somehow or rather place activities, responsibilities or commitments which will occupy me.

God can align my activities so smoothly they just come one after the other.

The wonderful feeling of submitting to the TRUTH that His ways are higher than mine.

With these in mind, I'm attempting to go a level higher. Usually, we'll find something truly fulfilling and rewarding on hindsight (after everything's over), but I'm deliberately asking God to open up my eyes and heart to enjoy the process itself.

I find it an amazing and supernatural feat to be able to stand still, with calmness in heart and composure in mind, to just give thanks to God in the midst of adverse trail, testing and pressure.

I have experienced such feats personally and that feeling is...way beyond myself. Because it's not my strength nor my human nature that enables me to do so, but the very One who engineered all things to be in its place.

It's just like rather than tapping on your own engine, you're drawing your energy from ultra-generators - and this illustration itself is merely an understatement of what God can do through us.

When we are truly drawing strength from God (branches abiding in the true vine), we are then able to view such tough circumstances as OPPORTUNITIES for growth, refining, maturity, purification, etc. And when we are able to see that, our perspective and attitude changes. And then we are one step closer to God's intended abundant life for us.

Another thing to note is that this drawing-closer-to-God truth is a day-to-day practice and habit which the children of God are entitled to. If it's merely a one-off thing, then it defeats the purpose of God desiring to have fellowship with us.

So, let's draw closer to God...and KEEP drawing closer. The only thing that ULTIMATELY determines how much you can have of God is yourself.

Wanting to step out of comfort zone is one thing, to stay with it is another...

I've heard too many times phrases like, "No action, talk only", "Actions speaks louder than words", "You say so much got use or not? You want then go and do lah.."

Yeah...mere talk doesn't get the business done.

Last week or so, I've made a firm, informed and convicted decision to be willing and intentional in stepping out of my comfort zones during the post-exam holidays. And that means, doing (radical) things which I rarely do normally, trying out new stuff, seeking God for direction and obeying His voice, etc.

Last Friday was my last paper and on that day there was cell. So I spent most of it (even though was extremely sleep-deprived) preparing for cell - according to what I sensed and heard from God.

Saturday was a sleep-in during the earlier part of the day, then I met up with my bro before church service. After church was dinner and an eventual dessert.

Sunday was at my grandparents' place for a pre-Mother's day get-together. Honestly I was quite reluctant to go in the first place.

And Monday...Monday onwards was my EID (Engineering Innovative Design) project where my groupmates and I returned back to school to come up with innovative and creative design solutions - all in the name of technopreneurship.

The bottomline is that I haven't exactly got my fair share of post-stress and exams rest. But that's where the stretching comes in.

Sure, there will be some who say that I better have my rest before I explode or break down. But for this case, that isn't the point. I still have enough sleep here and there, but I'm keeping myself on the move - planning ahead, scheduling in advance, micromanaging my resources, assessing situations and circumstances.

And the reason why I'm doing this is so that [1] I will be challenged and stretched and forced to step out of the confines of my comfort zones and perceived limitations and [2] I will cause myself to have an eventful, happening, purposeful and fruitful holiday.

The last thing I want is to revert back to the old, slacking mode. Rotting and stoning all day long. Staring at the TV and computer screen. Arghh...the mere thought of it disturbs me.

Yeah...and after the EID (which ends around early June), comes the youth JC-poly-ITE-campus camp (which I'm involved in) and an NTU outreach project (which is still in it's planning phase). More details to be released soon.

Also, cell's going to be way more challenging and exciting - with designated times for accountability and sharing of testimonies, challenges and experiences of walking with God.

All of these are possible, when you want more of Him and you make sure you REALLY want more...and nothing but more...