A time of testing/stretching?

What a week...

I've come to a point where by soul and emotions feel SO drained that it's quite challenging to engage in deep conversations with people...but DON'T worry, I'm still in love with God.

Here's how it started:

As per normal, despite all the deadlines, assignments, projects, words of pessimism, grumblings, complains, etc going around me, I desperately continue to ask God DAILY to help me find joy in everything that I do for Him.

And yes, with God's help it's very much possible to find purpose and delight in the things we do everyday, like routines, mundane stuff, people, and all that.

But somehow during the week, God seemed to be placing people in my midst for me to get to know more about them and what they are going through. Thing is, by nature, I'm not really a people person, and I will not naturally strike conversations with people and try to hear them out. The most I'll go is "Where are you heading to?", "Hi. See ya. Take care.", "Hey, what a small world...."

For example, in times whereby I really want my own time and personal space:

- a sister and I happen to take our buses from the same bus-stop and so we talk along the way back

- I happen to stumble upon my schoolmate (who's now on internship) on my way back, and so he tells me about how my current modules will be like (cos he took them last sem), how to prepare for them, and so on...

- on my way to church after a lab project meeting (forgoing my afternoon nap), I'm with my friend and we're talking during the entire train ride (when all I want to do is to find a seat, be silent and close my eyes)

- I gladly agree to help out for our Friday campus gathering (even though I really needed my afternoon nap)

- on Friday when I really want to worship God and pray for our campuses wholeheartedly, I feel even MORE exhausted after that evening session


I sense God is really stretching my heart for others. May His heart for others be made perfect in my introvert-ness...
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Dear God,

You definitely heard my prayers to live for you with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and for You to defend and stretch my childlike faith and joy in You.

I know You're training me with the circumstances that I'm going through. That whenever I pray for you to build up (for example) my identity in You, You placed people around me who seem to question my motives, who seem to give me weird and sometimes intimidating looks, who can't seem to support my convictions in You...

Lord, it's hard...and I know that I'm NOT and NEVER made to live for status quo. I know that You are the God Most High and we are a chosen people of power. And I want to LIVE in Your love and power. I want to crave for more of You EVERYDAY. I want to love others the way You love me.

But God, the more I pursue these, the more I feel drained. Daddy, it's perfectly okay if You don't make me feel comfortable, because You're more concerned about my character. But Father, please sustain me...without You, I might as well give up. But I don't want to throw in the towel because I love You and I will stand for You.

One of the ways the devil can get at me is through people and that can really hurt me. But my identity and security lies in You. I cannot live or continue without Your encouragement because there are many around me who easily despise the things You have placed in my heart. Many times it feels as if I'm talking to a wall, or like they are despising me whenever I share the reason why I love You.

God, please HELP me love them. Honestly, I feel like defending myself and retaliating and slapping them out of their stupid ideas. But I refuse to because You told me not to judge. You told me to love them. You told me to show grace, mercy and forgiveness because You done to same to me.

Father, encourage me also, whenever I sacrifice my time and resources for Your Kingdom. Your son and servant gladly does so out of his love for You. But God, it's SO EASY to compare with others. Help me to stay focused on You. They may have their free time, their money, their cars, their grades, their fame, their respect from others, their games, their girls, their hobbies, their TV programmes, etc...but I have You. Even when I don't feel that You're enough for me, HELP me...Lord....

It's simple to live for You, but it's not easy. But I will CHOOSE You because I love You and that You are more that what this world can offer. As I desire to stay faithful and obedient to You, may You be glorified and may others be blessed and touched by Your love...

In Your Son's most precious name,
Amen.

I resolve...

I, Dominic Soh Weixiang...

...resolve to live wholeheartedly in all things that I do and all roles that I take on, for the glory of God.


Mark 12:30 - Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.

Colossians 3:23 - Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for man, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.


Even above:

- loving my neighbour as myself
- desiring to see breakthrough, revival, miracles, etc
- reward or recognition
- meeting the needs of others
- fulfilling my responsibilities
- honoring a commitment
- the sense of duty
- obligations
- making my superiors and leaders proud
- the desire for excellence
- setting an excellent example for others
- following orders/instructions
- the process of training, stretching
- morality
- preserving my integrity...

...I want to do all things OUT OF my love for God.

when I am weak, then I am strong

2 Cor 12:10 - That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.


I've come to a realisation that it doesn't matter how many times you fall in life, but what matters is whether you decided to pick yourself up and move on, or to just remain and sulk in that fallen position.

There are times of 'mountain-tops' - spiritual highs, immense conviction, the I'm-ready-to-do-all-things-for-God kind of drive, etc. Yet, there are also moments of cowardice, lack of confidence, dampened self-esteem, discouragement, disapointment, etc.

But genuine failure is when we choose to remain fallen, choose to NOT improve, choose to NOT move on, regardless of the number of times we experience setback or obstacles.

There are also times when we've experienced breakthrough, ventured on new ground beyond past comfort zones. Now we're in a new land and establishing our foothold. Looking further, the blizzards are harsher, the trails are more perilous and the slope gradients less forgiving. And sometimes, I think to myself, "Can I stay here just a little longer?"

Because it's warm? It's familiar? It's relatively getting more comfortable?

Worse still if the returning scouts bring back unfavourable and discouraging reports. "We've just glanced at the fangs of those mountain wolves." "I guess we should step back a little".

Then we retreat? Go back downhill? Get anxious of our circumstances?

But wait...hold on...take a moment to examine why in the first place we're here.

It doesn't matter if we slip and trip here and there, but as long as we set our hearts on our purposes and goals we planned out and press on in getting there, we WILL make it. And it's not really what we get along the way that matters, it's what we become that's crucial.

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In my pursue of musical passion, I've discovered that it be more worthy of a man with little musical competence but with unstoppable drive to improve (for himself and others), than one with god-like skills and a complacent mindset.

Inevitable are moments when I just ask myself what in the world am I getting myself into, when I could actually spend the time doing other stuff?

These are times when I need to review what I'm living for, here's my list of priorities:

1. Wholehearted, personal devotion to God (not involving ministry)
2. Family
3. Studies/Career; cell group; music
4. Misc ministry-related stuff; friends

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Last note.

I'm really encouraged, revived and refreshed whenever I read about the encounter and purposes God had for Gideon.

Judges 6:12 - When the angel of the LORD appeared to Gideon, he said, "The LORD is with you, mighty warrior."

By human standards and by his background, Gideon is a nobody. His clan is the weakest in his tribe and he's the least in his household.

But God sees it differently. God chooses to address him not for what he is now, but for what He intends for him to become.

God chooses to address me NOT for what I am now, but for what He intends for me to BECOME.

WOW!!!

the few best things vs the many other good things

Finished reading 70% of John C. Maxwell's "Your Road Map for Success" and I am very convicted and passionate about developing my potential to see my dreams and ambition fulfilled and to help others along the way.

Other than being an obedient and loving child and servant of God, if you ask me what I really, really, really want to do, it just boils down to 2 things: (and these are subject to God's will)

1. being an exceptional Blues guitarist
2. being an RSAF Apache pilot

I have to hang on for the 2nd one because the recruitment officer advised me (during my previous interview) to finish up my undergraduate studies before applying and committing to them. So when I finish up my last paper, I'm gonna apply again...and as usual, it is for real.

Honestly, I'm so passionate about no. 1 that I'm willing to forsake and forgo TV time, movies, gaming time, shopping and chocolates (to save up for an electric guitar). All these things being let go gives me the much needed time and resources to focus on what I'm passionate about.

In life, you can either be a "Jack of all trades, master of none" or you can be a "Jack of few trades, master of one". With determination and tenacity, we can do virtually anything, but we cannot do everything.

I think in so many aspects of our lives (work, school, ministry, relationships), we ought to define and discover that which matters most and focus on them, without being ignorant of the peripherals. If we don't, we may find ourselves easily bogged down with the countless good things (ie. things which we can do, but doesn't really achieve our purpose) and be frequently stressed out and sometimes frustrated.

If we don't define and strive towards where we want to go or see ourselves at, we will drift and be swept around by the things around us.

Being focused on music has indeed opened up more avenues of interaction amongst peers and friends (fellow musicians), but sometimes it seems to leave others out of conversations (ie. they think we're speaking Greek).

Enough of mediocrity...

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Last night I happened to scroll back to some of my older posts of 2006 and am reminded that I've officially started learning that 6-string instrument about 2 years ago. From the posts, I've discovered that I have progressed and improved in skill because I firmly decided and made it a point to work on things beyond my skill (step out of my comfort zone) - which eventually led to today's playing standard.

(I'm going into the technical details here...pardon me...)

Last time I had to work of chords like C, F, B7. Now, I'm working on:

- the pentatonic minor scale, and breaking out of the box pattern
- left hand muting (using fingers)
- left hand partial barring (ie. not all 6 strings; using the 'paw' of my finger)
- alternate/economy picking techniques
- sourcing for a Fender American standard stratocaster and building up funds to get it

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Yes...me birthday is around de corner...me don't really need no presents...me actually need funds in order to get de electric geetar...hahaaa...

It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”

Theodore Roosevelt
“Citizenship in a Republic,”
Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910

it starts with me

I've been concerned about our affluent generation being too contented with what we have, taking things for granted, living with a happy-go-lucky attitude, shying from adversity, craving for things of this world.

Instead of merely whining, complaining and talking about it, I'm glad I'm doing something about it - that's why I'm into my alternate-dinner fast.

I plan to fast from alternate dinners beyond this 40-day-prayer-and-fasting season.

Reason? I want this to be part of my lifestyle rather than a one-off event.

And I'm doing this:
[1] so that the cash surpluses can go towards blessing those who are in need
[2] as a form of intercession against the spirit and stronghold of materialism and over-indulgence that has plagued this generation

In the process of this, I'm looking through my life to see ways in which I can cut down or eliminate unnecessary consumption and use of resources - so my capacity for giving to others can be stretched.

A mental calculation revealed to me that if I continue this alternate-dinner fast for 1 year, the cash surplus will be $720. I'm just amazed at how much this amount can benefit, bless and enrich others just by me making adjustments here and there in my lifestyle.

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The throneroom of God.

It helps to bring everything you have in life into the throneroom of heaven.

Imagine if God brought you back to the heavenlies right now. What aspects of your life will melt and fade away? What will remain and be purified?

GY mentioned to me that doing this while we are still on earth will be way much easier compared to it happening when we die.

It's easier to strip of the not-necessary things and stuff in your life while you're still living than to see them melt away in God's presence when you bring all of them into heaven.

It's about the Kingdom mentality. That we are made for eternity. And that only things of eternity are worthy and truly valuable.

Which brings us back to the stewardship of our lives. How are we living our lives in the light of Jesus' death on the Cross? How are we living our lives in view of the Kingdom and eternity?

Hahaha....suddenly the television, the noise, the sights and sounds, the computer, the money, the job, the reputation, the want's, etc slowly fade away....

...we weren't made for this world. We are made for the eternal Kingdom of God.

God's Generation

This struck me hard and ignited my adrenalin as I read it. I hope you feel the same way too...

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So this guy comes up to me and says, "What's the vision? What's the big idea?" I open my mouth and words come out like this...The vision?

The vision is JESUS - obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.

The vision is an army of young people. You see bones? I see an army. And they are FREE from materialism. They laugh at 9-5 little prisons. They could eat caviar on Monday and crusts on Tuesday. They wouldn't even notice. They know the meaning of the Matrix, the way the west was won. They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations. They need no passport. People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence. They are free yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying. What is the vision? The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes. It makes children laugh and adults angry. It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars. It scorns the good and strains for the best. It is dangerously pure.

Light flickers from every secret motive, every private conversation. It loves people away from their suicide leaps, their Satan games. This is an army that will lay down its life for the cause. A million times a day its soldiers choose to lose that they might one day win the great "Well done" of faithful sons and daughters.

Such heroes are as radical on Monday morning as Sunday night. They don't need fame from names. Instead they grin quietly upwards and hear the crowds chanting again and again: "COME ON!"

And this is the sound of the underground. The whisper of history in the making. Foundations shaking. Revolutionaries dreaming once again. Mystery is scheming in whispers. Conspiracy is breathing... This is the sound of the underground.

And the army is disciplined. Young people who beat their bodies into submission. Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrade at arms. The tattoo on their back boasts, "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain." Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes. Winners. Martyrs. Who can stop them? Can hormones hold them back? Can failure succeed? Can fear scare them or death kill them?

And the generation prays like a dying man with groans beyond talking, with warrior cries, euphoric tears and with great barrow loads of laughter! Waiting. Watching: 24-7-365.

Whatever it takes they will give: Breaking the rules. Shaking mediocrity from its cozy little hide. Laying down their rights and their precious little wrongs, laughing at labels, fasting essentials. The advertisers cannot mould them. Hollywood cannot hold them. Peer-pressure is powerless to shake their resolve at late night parties before the cockerel cries.

They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive inside. On the outside? They hardly care. They wear cloths like costumes to communicate and celebrate but never to hide. Would they surrender their image or their popularity? They would lay down their very lives - swap seats with the man on death row - guilty as hell. A throne for an electric chair.

With blood and sweat and many tears, with sleepless nights and fruitless days, they pray as if all depends on God and live as if it all depends on them. Their DNA chooses JESUS. (He breaths out, they breathe in.) Their subconscious sings. They had a blood transfusion with Jesus. Their words make demons scream in shopping centres. Don't you hear them coming? Herald the weirdos! Summon the losers and the freaks. Here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes. They walk tall and trees applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension. Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden.

And this vision will be. It will come to pass; it will com easily; it will come soon. How do I know? Because this is the longing of creation itself, the groaning of the Spirit, they very dream of God. My tomorrow is his today. My distant hope is his 3D. And my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great "Amen!" from countless angels, from heroes of the faith, from Christ himself. And he is the original dreamer, the ultimate winner.

Guaranteed.

Okay...so a vision's important...really

School starts next week. And I'm feeling kind of worried, anxious and a little fearful. Thinking of the hectic schedule, the impending workloads, and the commitments up my sleeve the next semester makes me wanna dig a trench and hide in it for good.

But I realise that these emotions and feelings aren't everything.

Thing is, to survive the road ahead, I've got to stay focused on my destination. Many times it's easy to lose track of things and wonder off course, only to realise that you've wasted so much time wandering about while you should have spent that time moving on.

My life vision is: To live wholeheartedly and passionately for God, being sharp and sensitive in effectiveness, walking intimately with Him and experiencing His abundance.

My core values are: Discipline, Diligence, Discernment, Passion, Faithfulness, Humility and Integrity.

To tell you the truth, and nothing but the truth, I am ready to die for my vision.

I know this vision is something that will hold me through and help me look beyond my circumstances in the days to come.

Thinking about the reason why I came up with all this actually gives me the conviction and empowerment to strive to live the way God intended me to live. I know I can never rely on emotional highs and sometimes, people because all these will falter.

But one thing I'm sure of is God Himself. He's the One who is faithful and omnipotent even till the very end of time.

So what's your purpose and/or vision?

Accountability

I think accountability is a very powerful thing.

For myself, even though there's an extra layer of responsibility and obligation involved (which isn't really the point), there's an attached sense of ownership and empowerment in it too.

That when I tell a close friend that I'm gonna accomplish this by this time, I feel in myself a constructive and positive sense of urgency to get it done. Not that I'm doing it to please him but I'm doing it to uphold my core value of integrity.

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Somehow or rather after the entire Korea experience, I return home, not feeling the emotional / spiritual high's, but with greater ownership and expectation of what I can do with my life.

Like I'm more willing to surrender, sacrifice and to be stretched for God. To experience His faithfulness and to be living the abundant life which He intended me to live.

As I planned my school timetable, I know it's scarier as compared to last sem's but I feel assured and certain that it's not all about my studies, but about God.

Not negligence or ignorance, but surrender and submission unto Him.

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And I don't know why I have this feeling like something GREAT is gonna happen....

there must be more than this

Tim Hughes' title "Consuming Fire" seemed to want to re-ignite a flickering/dying flame of passion in me.

The line, "There must be more than this" kept ringing in my head ever since last week.

And somehow or rather, I feel that at this moment - how I spend my time, how I live my life - there must be more to them. I'm kind of feeling like "it's not it, yet..." and "it's like further potential waiting to be unleashed".

My heart cries out desperately for more. More things to pursue, to engage, to commit, to live for, to give up, to serve, etc.

But some side of me fears burning out and having insufficient time for myself. Internal conflict.

That's something in which God has to help me sort out.

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Honestly, I HATE the feeling of not having anything to look forward to.

Especially for my guitar playing.

I'll be uneasy whenever I find out that there's 'no more' to learn. As in, you have expended your current learning and practice resources.

So that's why I ought to read up and find out more on what I can pick up in the days to come. Like what I mentioned before, "To take your playing to a higher level".

I'm not being obsessed with technicalities, but I'm cultivating a spirit of excellence in me, to strive for and give my best in whatever I'm pursuing.

So great to have the Blues to learn and fingerstyles to brush up on....

I'll wait on You, Lord

There are certain aspects of my life which are exceptionally crucial to me. Some private ones and some public ones (like studies, family, church, work, etc).

As for those which are critical and can affect the days of my life to come to great extends, I shall seek and inquire the Lord of them. No answer, nevermind...Continue waiting.

I shall stop being a smart-Alex in the decisions I make. Instead to going ahead with them and only stopping when God says "No", I'll wait until God says "Yes"...then I'll proceed.

If He doesn't respond, I'll wait and will continue waiting because I know that He will answer and speak to you if you seek Him with all you've got.

There are certain desires in me which I would dearly like them to be granted/fulfilled. But looking at whatever I been through with the Lord, I decided to place them below Him in terms of importance and priority. Those things I may not have, but Him, I surely have.

Certain desires in me drive me to the point whereby the moment God takes away any part of it from me, I'll feel somewhat despaired and empty. That doesn't look right at all. Because the Lord gives and takes away, I will bless Him for the times He takes things away from me, so that I'm just left with Him.

...Till the point when that particular desire is nothing compared to Him. And if it's meant for you and according to His will, nothing can stop Him for granting you that desire.

If it's His way, He will make a way. If it's not His way, He will close all ways even though in your eyes the path is apparent.

Speak to me, Lord...that's all I desire. I'm sick and tired of being so preoccupied with serving You that I'm not even that close to You. I don't want to be obsessed with doing things for You that I neglect the relationship between the both of us - intimacy.

I want to hear Your voice, O Lord. I want to be so close to You, like how close the prophets were to You. Even though You're omnipresent, I'm desperate for Your manifest presence.

Let's meet up more often God...

My theme for 2007

I know this may be a little late to state things for 2007, but better late than never.

Ever since a certain string of events in late 2006, the Lord somehow challenged me to take my faith and trust in Him to a higher level for 2007.

So, the theme for 2007 goes along the lines of doing more for God.

During the last week of the holidays (before school starts), by brother (in-Christ) WR and I decided to take time off to do a prayer-walk in NTU and SIM. The night before while I was seeking God for His leading and direction, He gave me some thoughts.

CFC. Not the gas which depletes the ozone layer, but Courage for Christ. It's corresponding question will be: Do we dare?

Do we dare to:

• make a difference/make an impact
• do more for Him
• sacrifice for Him
• be holy and set apart
• obey Him
• step out of our comfort zones

The list is definitely inexhaustive. You should get the gist of it all by now, right?

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As much as this is a challenge, this is also a choice. We aren't forced or threatened to do more for God. We still have our free wills intact. God is gentle and gracious.

Bluntly speaking, you don't have to do this. You can still do your own thing, do whatever you are doing, go to church, go to cell, day-in and day-out. Nothing wrong with that. Not sinful. No criminal intent involved.

But ask yourself this question: Is that all? Can I do more?

If we were to do more for God, we have to make the intentional effort to sacrifice and surrender certain things to Him. He can't use us if we still stubbornly hang on to our wills and things not of Him.

If you decide to take the bold leap of faith, prepare for more challenges on the road ahead. Certain things God will remove, certain things God will add. But whatever the case, it's all from His good intentions.

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Yup. School's already begun. Instead of feeling reluctant to hit the books and lecture threatres, let us embrace it with anticipation and enthusiasm because God placed us in our respective institutions for a reason.

Take each day, week, month, semester, academic year as opportunities to give glory to God. To be good stewards of His resources. To live the life He made you to live.

Lastly, here's a thought:

Instead of just doing what you/others think you can do, strive for what God knows you can do.

How's your first day of school?

Just came back from my first Campus Crusade DG (Discipleship Group) meeting. Got to know one another better (background, course of study, plans for the year, etc). And we prayed for one another's needs.

I must say I'm really refreshed just by that 1-hour something meet. It's not that we're doing non-academic stuff, but it's because God's there.

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Even though we may know the system better this time round, but that's no excuse for complacency. Instead, we should learn from our past mistakes and anticipate future challenges on the road ahead.

It's about giving your best

In worshipping God, it's about giving your best. It's about doing your utmost. Because the Lord deserves everything you have got.

Whether you have much or little, many or few, give Him all you have got.

I suddenly pondered on this some time ago regarding my guitar playing skills. I'm merely a 3-month-plus old guitar player - still considered a beginner and have a long way ahead. Many strumming patterns I don't know, many songs I haven't heard and many chords I couldn't even imagine.

But something struck me when I meditated on "giving your best for God". That means if I only know a handful of songs and a few chords, then I should use that to give Him the glory He deserves.

Just like the widow (in Luke 21:1-4) who gave 2 copper coins to the temple, we should learn from her and put in our best efforts to please the Lord. That in itself is an act of worship. For she gave more than the others because she gave all she had.

Moreover it's the heart that matters.

As long as the heart is obedient, willing and humble before the Lord (and not man), it will be pleasing to His eyes.

23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men,
24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
Col 3

When I place my focus on God and with the desire to magnify Him, the human and technical aspects of worship take the back seat.

You play with your fingers
You sing with your voice
You worship with your heart

People notice the minute details
I struggle with the technicalities
God sees the heart