Radicalness, faith, fear, boldness

"Dominic, am I a radical God?"

"Yes You are...."

"So you shall go and do radical things for me..."

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If my God is a radical God, then I shall be His radical child. If He's NOT my God, I won't be bothered and if He's my God but not a radical one, then I shall be a small, insignificant, powerless child.

A few weeks back God has been challenging me to NOT place Him and myself in a box.

God and I not in box: living freely in His power out of an intimate relationship

God in box, I'm not: manipulation (using God for your selfish purposes)

God not in box, I'm in box: slave mentality in God's Kingdom

God and I in a box: religion

God has brought me to a point whereby there's enough recitation of Scriptures, enough prayer, enough consideration (whether this is from God or not), enough holding back. Not to say that these are bad, but we shouldn't allow anything to hold us back when God has placed something in our heart.

Yes, there is indeed a balance between the reckless and the sanitised. It is wisdom and experience that will allow us to discern this balance. And I realised that I have been living a sanitised and sheltered life too long.

I am currently stepping out in faith, trusting God in several areas of my life, especially in relationships - being there for people and being involved in their lives.

I will also admit that sometimes living by faith can feel like punching thin air and speaking to lifeless walls. But it is my trust in God that supersedes any form of skepticism which says try to say that "Maybe you shouldn't do this, because God isn't there." or "Are you sure God is real in this?"

If you sow the same things, you will most likely reap the same things. So, if you want things to be DIFFERENT, you've got to do things differently. I find this statement (which I did make last time) to be senseless and outrightly stupid, "I want to see breakthrough, but I just won't want to bring myself to step out."

Indeed, fear can be real. I'm not saying that instances of uncertainty, anxiety and fear will not be there, but it is our RESPONSE to that which will eventually determine whether we step out or not. And if there's fear, let's deal with it, together with God. If you do it yourself, the odds might be less. But if you do it with God, you will never know how He's able to expand your capacity and grant you boldness as you step out in faith.

It is indeed an inescapable fact that humans, like you and me, need to be rewarded in order to continue doing something.

Whether it's:
- a sense of achievement
- the sight of seeing someone helped or their needs met
- seeing a cause come to fulfilment
- just simply because it brings us pleasure
- etc...

And looking at the past month, I'm definitely sure that the amount of pressure that has been placed upon me is even greater than the magnitude of commitments I took on during the past December holidays (which caused me to burnout).

But the difference now is that, apart from desiring to serve God and others, [1] I'm doing things out of my LOVE for Him and [2] I'm doing things because He is my REWARD.

I cannot stress enough for point [2] because that was what really ministered to me during this week. With an abundant supply of projects and assignments and the impending examinations, ALL that I think of during this hectic (by conventional standards) period, is just God.

Yes. To be with Him, in Him, for Him, to hold Him, touch Him, have Him, see Him, hug Him. And now I have greater understanding on how loving God can be so pleasurable that it might border on the lines of eroticism - in similar terms to falling in love and having that special someone, multiplied by infinity.

Thus, in a nutshell, ALL I want is God. I am even more than happy if He suddenly takes me to heaven now because that's like a wish come true. But for now, on this realm and in this fleshly and physical self, I shall strive to live my utmost for Him and be wholehearted in all that I do.

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The Christian life is simple, but it's NOT easy.

To be honest, it WILL cost you.

But what cost is that to us if at the end of the day we can meet and know our Creator face to face?

So, all in all, it's gain...with exorbitant profit margins...

I personally feel that all the debates across denominations, all the complications of our faith and belief, the various facets of theology, intellect, culture, etc should NEVER hinder us from living for God.

And I believe that it is our inherent fallen nature that we tend to mess and complicate things - bringing in legalism and all sorts of commitments bound to obligation. If we continue to subscribe to these ways, we are surely giving the enemy an easier time...

Indeed life will be much simpler if we all look to and keep looking to God.

- if it's tough, ask Him for help
- if it seems mundane, ask Him to help you stay faithful, before the "bigger and more happening" things come
- if we are already looking, encourage one another and stay firm
- if we don't know how, ask Him for wisdom and revelation
- if we are offended, ask Him to help us forgive
- if we lose out, look at Him closely - He's your reward
- if we gain, give thanks to Him and share the blessing
- if we fail, we only fail if we give up
- if we are mocked, He comforts us
- if we are backstabbed, He's the ultimate Judge
- if we are despised, He still looks upon us with great love
- if we are faithful, He will reward us
- if we stumble, He will help us up
- if we are stuck in a rut, He is a God of breakthrough
- etc...

A time of testing/stretching?

What a week...

I've come to a point where by soul and emotions feel SO drained that it's quite challenging to engage in deep conversations with people...but DON'T worry, I'm still in love with God.

Here's how it started:

As per normal, despite all the deadlines, assignments, projects, words of pessimism, grumblings, complains, etc going around me, I desperately continue to ask God DAILY to help me find joy in everything that I do for Him.

And yes, with God's help it's very much possible to find purpose and delight in the things we do everyday, like routines, mundane stuff, people, and all that.

But somehow during the week, God seemed to be placing people in my midst for me to get to know more about them and what they are going through. Thing is, by nature, I'm not really a people person, and I will not naturally strike conversations with people and try to hear them out. The most I'll go is "Where are you heading to?", "Hi. See ya. Take care.", "Hey, what a small world...."

For example, in times whereby I really want my own time and personal space:

- a sister and I happen to take our buses from the same bus-stop and so we talk along the way back

- I happen to stumble upon my schoolmate (who's now on internship) on my way back, and so he tells me about how my current modules will be like (cos he took them last sem), how to prepare for them, and so on...

- on my way to church after a lab project meeting (forgoing my afternoon nap), I'm with my friend and we're talking during the entire train ride (when all I want to do is to find a seat, be silent and close my eyes)

- I gladly agree to help out for our Friday campus gathering (even though I really needed my afternoon nap)

- on Friday when I really want to worship God and pray for our campuses wholeheartedly, I feel even MORE exhausted after that evening session


I sense God is really stretching my heart for others. May His heart for others be made perfect in my introvert-ness...
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Dear God,

You definitely heard my prayers to live for you with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and for You to defend and stretch my childlike faith and joy in You.

I know You're training me with the circumstances that I'm going through. That whenever I pray for you to build up (for example) my identity in You, You placed people around me who seem to question my motives, who seem to give me weird and sometimes intimidating looks, who can't seem to support my convictions in You...

Lord, it's hard...and I know that I'm NOT and NEVER made to live for status quo. I know that You are the God Most High and we are a chosen people of power. And I want to LIVE in Your love and power. I want to crave for more of You EVERYDAY. I want to love others the way You love me.

But God, the more I pursue these, the more I feel drained. Daddy, it's perfectly okay if You don't make me feel comfortable, because You're more concerned about my character. But Father, please sustain me...without You, I might as well give up. But I don't want to throw in the towel because I love You and I will stand for You.

One of the ways the devil can get at me is through people and that can really hurt me. But my identity and security lies in You. I cannot live or continue without Your encouragement because there are many around me who easily despise the things You have placed in my heart. Many times it feels as if I'm talking to a wall, or like they are despising me whenever I share the reason why I love You.

God, please HELP me love them. Honestly, I feel like defending myself and retaliating and slapping them out of their stupid ideas. But I refuse to because You told me not to judge. You told me to love them. You told me to show grace, mercy and forgiveness because You done to same to me.

Father, encourage me also, whenever I sacrifice my time and resources for Your Kingdom. Your son and servant gladly does so out of his love for You. But God, it's SO EASY to compare with others. Help me to stay focused on You. They may have their free time, their money, their cars, their grades, their fame, their respect from others, their games, their girls, their hobbies, their TV programmes, etc...but I have You. Even when I don't feel that You're enough for me, HELP me...Lord....

It's simple to live for You, but it's not easy. But I will CHOOSE You because I love You and that You are more that what this world can offer. As I desire to stay faithful and obedient to You, may You be glorified and may others be blessed and touched by Your love...

In Your Son's most precious name,
Amen.

It all starts with me

Matthew 7:3-5 - "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.


I can't believe the countless times I've told myself and some closer people that so-and-so should:

- wake up his/her idea
- get more disciplined
- count the costs of walking with Christ
- get more organised with his/her life
- put things into perspective
- not take things for granted
- stop complaining
- be more sensitive
- etc, etc, etc...

In view of what I think others should do and what the above verses mentioned, I ought to examine MYSELF before saying anything about others.

It all starts with me. Therefore, I RESOLVE to ensure that before I ask someone to do something about himself/herself, I practice it myself.

Examining this closely, I realise the purpose behind those verses. That if we are point out shortcomings in others without looking at ourselves first,

1. We run the risk of being hypocritical

Yes, that's the simplest of all. You may be able to spot flaws and shortcomings in others, but if you fail to see those in yourself first, that blindspot is going to cost you severely now and/or in the future.

2. We are running on empty

I feel this is the more serious point.

I simply cannot imagine a person who is haphazard and disorganised in his dealings to urge someone else to get his life in order/shape. His words just carry no weight. And even if the latter agrees that his life needs some restructuring, the former is unable to help him effectively - and he might also cause his friend to stumble unnecessarily.

Which is why the former ought to examine himself and sort himself out FIRST. Then, he will have more experience and ability to assist others. Also, when the former himself tastes the benefits of a well ordered lifestyle, his words to the 2nd guy will definitely be more convincing.


I'm still in the process of learning, nevertheless. And even if my prayers for others is for certain parts of their lives to change, I really need to examine my heart's intentions behind my words and thoughts.

To the world, I might sound like a weakling or pussy or even underserving of whatever leadership or authoritative capacity I've been entrusted with. (Because all they say is that if you have something against someone, just fire the missiles.) But that's not the point. The point is to OBEY God because I believe that is of exponential worth compared to gratifying the expectations of others.

The Process of Stretching is KANG-KOR

Kang-kor means difficult, in dialect.

I don't know how or where to start, but in a nutshell, I'm exhausted and emotionally drained.

There are many battles going on inside my head and here are some occassional examples:
- I want to go hide in my 'corner' and play guitar, eat dark chocolate, watch documentaries
- I don't want to meet / hang out with people
- I don't want to go for and do cell
- I don't want to go to work
- I don't want anymore "arrows" from ministry
- I want my December holiday back
- I want to pull out my hair

Despite the mental rage and brutality going on, I still choose to press on and have total reliance on God.

And here are some "DANGEROUS" things which I have asked from God (and that He is indeed granting my request):

1. I want to be stretched and challenged beyond my means and imagination
2. I want to surrender my time and holiday for His plans and purposes
3. I want to be selfless and surrendered in relationships (ie: with the people around me)
4. I want to store up treasures in heaven, and better still, none on earth

The bottomline is that when you ask God to use you (more) for His purposes and kingdom, you will NOT be disappointed. ;)

By the way ah, I'm not depressed or what...but just drained. Even though there are thoughts of throwing in the towel, of discouragement, of despair, of some degree of neverending adversity, I still see them as opportunities whereby I can either:

1. pretend they are not there and move on, or

2. acknowledge they are there, use them as fuel for complaining, be negative, be critical, be cynical, be overly-pragmatic, play the blame game - and in the end, forfeit the training, or

3. acknowledge they are there, give thanks in all circumstances, rely on God for strength when my body is strained and emotions failing, trust God for provision when I'm running short on time or resources, by amazed and in awe that I'm storing treasures in heaven rather than pursuing temporal rewards, be glad that in this I'm drawing closer to God and that He's glorified, be grateful that the time spent with others are investing in their lives, be aware that it's His will and not mine which must be done - press on, move on and go in obedience to God.

I choose number 3.

Bluntly Speaking 6

Live what you Believe: Don't contradict yourself
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Being in campus and around campus people, it won't be surprising to hear about the countless dreams, desires and aspirations which many have. Sure, they are mature and intellectual people and they definitely have a good idea of what they want.

But there has to be consistency between their words and their actions. I repeat, CONSISTENCY.

It doesn't help if:

- you want to lose weight and you still continue to have suppers high in calories
- you want to love others self-lessly and still continue to gossip
- you want to start the day early and still continue to hit the snooze button
- you want to grow in the Lord and still continue to put away your quiet time

And honestly speaking, it's way easier to do a one-off, large-scale attempt to achieve something, than to engage in small, humble, consistent and determined efforts to reach your goals.

In other words, it's easier to be inspired and go 6km and then get cramps and give up, then to do 2km runs regularly and build up from there.

Thus, it's crucial that we place our aspirations/ambitions side-by-side with our actions. It's okay if they are very far apart, but the thing is, is the latter getting CLOSER to the former?

So, to get where we desire to go, make it a point to start with small, digestible efforts. And keep to them despite your circumstances nor emotions - press on and persevere. It's the small steps one after the other that eventually reaches the destination, not the big leaps and the nothingness after that.

The Thumbprint of Problems and Opportunities

Each problem is unique. And in it are opportunities - to learn, to mature, to grow, to reflect, etc.

And if one doesn't cease those opportunities, they are wasted. And if one doesn't see problems as opportunities, they are wasted as well. Gone forever.

You'll never get the same problem/opportunity again. And there's no point regretting about it - it's a waste of resources.

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Recently, I asked God to help me deal and overcome the fear of man - the struggling and pressing need to gain his approval and meet his expectations. And yes, the number of times whereby my social skills and emotional resilience has been put to the test has bloated exponentially.

Coupled with the fact that I've firmly decided to make it a point to see the value in the lives of others and to see them for who they are.

Things aren't easy, but James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

It means that the way to maturity in the midst of trials is to press on until the end, if not, one will miss the point.

And the higher level you go, the greater the tests and challenges.

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While others can make all the remarks they want to make, blabber and talk about things (without much action), cut around corners because they claim "it's very difficult", or give up half-way because there's no more emotional/spiritual highs and their inspiration's gone...

...I shall press on towards the passion, purposes and calling which God has placed in my life. I'll keep at it because it's worth it and it's my sacrifice and worship unto God.

It will be hard, and it's definitely useful to know that the currency for character development is sweat, blood and tears.

I've come to a point whereby some won't be able to know or care what I'm going through / how I'm feeling along the way, but it doesn't matter. I'll stay close to God, and to those who really care. And as for God and to those who really care, You and you all shall share with me in my journey. ;)

Live life like there's no tomorrow

Do things as if you won't be able to do them again tomorrow. Not to invoke a sense of doom-and-gloom, but to really bring of the essence of the importance of seizing opportunities in life.

Yesterday I watched "The Bucket List" starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. In short it's about these 2 men who have been diagnosed with cancer and eventually they found out how much time they have left to live.

Freeman comes up with some items in his "Bucket List' - things to do before one dies. Nicholson happens to see it, adds some items into it of his own, then off they go to accomplish them.

A couple of takeaways from this show. That at the end of the day - end can mean the conclusion of life, a season, an opportunity, a period, etc - things/issues like what others think of you or what you think of yourself doesn't matter at all. Afterall, these 2 men are "dead" anyway.

Receiving Christ into my life and dying to myself has once again reminded me that my life is there for me to live it, God is there to help me on, despite what happens or what others do along the way.

That movie really enlarged my perspective of life once again. Bringing death, or even the light of eternity into the picture, being frustrated or uptight with trivial and insignificant things seem to be totally a waste after all.

The soundtrack of this movie is entitled, "Say" by John Mayer. (Roy introduced the song to me, which in turn led me to the movie)...

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all your so called problems
Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say (x7)
Say what you need to saaaay...

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead

If you could only
Say what you need to say (x7)
Say what you need to saaay...

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open... wide...


At the end of the day, what's most important? Fear, pride? Your opinion/approval and theirs? God's plans and purposes intended for you?

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I'm really encouraged by my Dad's friend's (who's into guitars and who also helped me get some of mine) heart in his playing.

While we were in a guitar shop and trying out electrics, he took one of the guitars, played his blues and sung along to it.

To me, he had his heart in it. Even if you can definitely find another person who can play or sing better than him - it doesn't matter - he held NOTHING back. He gave his ALL.


Colossians 3:23 - Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.

when I am weak, then I am strong

2 Cor 12:10 - That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.


I've come to a realisation that it doesn't matter how many times you fall in life, but what matters is whether you decided to pick yourself up and move on, or to just remain and sulk in that fallen position.

There are times of 'mountain-tops' - spiritual highs, immense conviction, the I'm-ready-to-do-all-things-for-God kind of drive, etc. Yet, there are also moments of cowardice, lack of confidence, dampened self-esteem, discouragement, disapointment, etc.

But genuine failure is when we choose to remain fallen, choose to NOT improve, choose to NOT move on, regardless of the number of times we experience setback or obstacles.

There are also times when we've experienced breakthrough, ventured on new ground beyond past comfort zones. Now we're in a new land and establishing our foothold. Looking further, the blizzards are harsher, the trails are more perilous and the slope gradients less forgiving. And sometimes, I think to myself, "Can I stay here just a little longer?"

Because it's warm? It's familiar? It's relatively getting more comfortable?

Worse still if the returning scouts bring back unfavourable and discouraging reports. "We've just glanced at the fangs of those mountain wolves." "I guess we should step back a little".

Then we retreat? Go back downhill? Get anxious of our circumstances?

But wait...hold on...take a moment to examine why in the first place we're here.

It doesn't matter if we slip and trip here and there, but as long as we set our hearts on our purposes and goals we planned out and press on in getting there, we WILL make it. And it's not really what we get along the way that matters, it's what we become that's crucial.

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In my pursue of musical passion, I've discovered that it be more worthy of a man with little musical competence but with unstoppable drive to improve (for himself and others), than one with god-like skills and a complacent mindset.

Inevitable are moments when I just ask myself what in the world am I getting myself into, when I could actually spend the time doing other stuff?

These are times when I need to review what I'm living for, here's my list of priorities:

1. Wholehearted, personal devotion to God (not involving ministry)
2. Family
3. Studies/Career; cell group; music
4. Misc ministry-related stuff; friends

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Last note.

I'm really encouraged, revived and refreshed whenever I read about the encounter and purposes God had for Gideon.

Judges 6:12 - When the angel of the LORD appeared to Gideon, he said, "The LORD is with you, mighty warrior."

By human standards and by his background, Gideon is a nobody. His clan is the weakest in his tribe and he's the least in his household.

But God sees it differently. God chooses to address him not for what he is now, but for what He intends for him to become.

God chooses to address me NOT for what I am now, but for what He intends for me to BECOME.

WOW!!!

before I die I want to...

Before I die I want to...
(http://beforeidieiwantto.org/)

I was really amazed and intrigued by this photo archive site containing polaroid snapshots of people with their "Before I die I want to..." lines.

Make me think about what will I say when that question is posted before me (and that I'm given a handful of seconds to answer):

For now it will be this: Before I die I want to be an exceptional musician who positively influences the lives I come across.

After you have come up with that statement, take a step back and discern it carefully - does it really outline the purpose and dreams for your life? And if you really do get there or somewhere near there, are you deeply satisfied?

Sometimes I wonder why wait till the notion of death/end of the line before thinking about such things, when you can do/work on them now? Perhaps it's the sense of urgency invoked. Therefore, it will be tremendously helpful if one can find passion, drive and motivation to work intentionally and diligently towards those dreams and ambition, without having to wait till the dire hour.

the few best things vs the many other good things

Finished reading 70% of John C. Maxwell's "Your Road Map for Success" and I am very convicted and passionate about developing my potential to see my dreams and ambition fulfilled and to help others along the way.

Other than being an obedient and loving child and servant of God, if you ask me what I really, really, really want to do, it just boils down to 2 things: (and these are subject to God's will)

1. being an exceptional Blues guitarist
2. being an RSAF Apache pilot

I have to hang on for the 2nd one because the recruitment officer advised me (during my previous interview) to finish up my undergraduate studies before applying and committing to them. So when I finish up my last paper, I'm gonna apply again...and as usual, it is for real.

Honestly, I'm so passionate about no. 1 that I'm willing to forsake and forgo TV time, movies, gaming time, shopping and chocolates (to save up for an electric guitar). All these things being let go gives me the much needed time and resources to focus on what I'm passionate about.

In life, you can either be a "Jack of all trades, master of none" or you can be a "Jack of few trades, master of one". With determination and tenacity, we can do virtually anything, but we cannot do everything.

I think in so many aspects of our lives (work, school, ministry, relationships), we ought to define and discover that which matters most and focus on them, without being ignorant of the peripherals. If we don't, we may find ourselves easily bogged down with the countless good things (ie. things which we can do, but doesn't really achieve our purpose) and be frequently stressed out and sometimes frustrated.

If we don't define and strive towards where we want to go or see ourselves at, we will drift and be swept around by the things around us.

Being focused on music has indeed opened up more avenues of interaction amongst peers and friends (fellow musicians), but sometimes it seems to leave others out of conversations (ie. they think we're speaking Greek).

Enough of mediocrity...

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Last night I happened to scroll back to some of my older posts of 2006 and am reminded that I've officially started learning that 6-string instrument about 2 years ago. From the posts, I've discovered that I have progressed and improved in skill because I firmly decided and made it a point to work on things beyond my skill (step out of my comfort zone) - which eventually led to today's playing standard.

(I'm going into the technical details here...pardon me...)

Last time I had to work of chords like C, F, B7. Now, I'm working on:

- the pentatonic minor scale, and breaking out of the box pattern
- left hand muting (using fingers)
- left hand partial barring (ie. not all 6 strings; using the 'paw' of my finger)
- alternate/economy picking techniques
- sourcing for a Fender American standard stratocaster and building up funds to get it

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Yes...me birthday is around de corner...me don't really need no presents...me actually need funds in order to get de electric geetar...hahaaa...

focus...

Seriously, it's very hard to live in a world where people and cultures are performance-oriented - where numbers and figures matter the most.

Even though the numbers can be used as indicators of performance, judging performance based on the figures is inadequate.

My point is that we sometimes we try so hard to do so many things that at the end of the day, we accomplish very little things of significant worth. We rush through things, we get over-stressed, we get tense and uptight and when things go wrong, we curse, we blame, we criticize.

I still remember the 1st semester of my 2nd year. All in all, it was seriously a mad rush. Exam results were great nevertheless, but honestly, I felt that too many other things were sacrificed just for the academic gold rush. Time spent with God, with family, friends and myself, hobbies, passions, and all, were pushed (if not shoved) aside.

I was always trying to make ends meet academically. Trying to stay on the balls of my feet, not wanting to let myself down. I was a performance-freak!

Fast forward to this day.

I've learnt countless lessons on time and life management from peers, experiences and the role models around me.

I am finite. God is infinite. I should let Him have His way - so that He'll do the 99% and I'll do the 1% (or my best, so to speak). And not the other way around. Not to take charge of everything and then slot God into any space left available.

His yoke is easy and His burden is light.

Living in constant surrender and submission to Him seems to be the most pleasurable way to live life.

My days of saying 'yes' to almost everything is over. I have to leave that behind. I cannot take on the whole world. Thinking I'm a superhuman (which I sometimes do) is mere suicide.

So, to be specific, here's an outline (not exhaustive, though) of my edited lifestyle changes:

1. God
- constantly soaking in His presence, talking to Him
- spending quality time with Him early in the morning everyday (at least 30min)

2. Church
- cell: building them up, being there for them, walking through life with them
- leaders' cell: peer-to-peer accountability
- prayer ministry: interceding for God's Kingdom, for our generation, for our schools

3. Family
- spending more time at home for meals together
- being more open and expressive in communication

4. Friends
- catching up with them and being a blessing to them

5. Personal
- 1 hour guitar practice everyday (at least)
- 2 evening jogs every week (at least)
- shut down computer at 11pm (on weekdays) and sleep before midnight
- alternate dinner fasts
- acoustic jamming sessions with Roy (frequency to be decided)

the awful truth about TV

I don't really watch TV, but I know of countless of others who do - and even do it "for a living" - as in live off it.

After reading this, I'm really awakened by the devastating truths about that innocent looking piece of furniture.

You should read this too...(it's in PDF format)

http://www.trashyourtv.com/ebooks/ATATV.pdf

God, the workplace and me...

The more I get acquainted with the working environment and the nature of the workplace itself - the less I must look elsewhere and the more I must look at God Himself.

I shouldn't even find incentive to focus on the strengths and good qualities of others or myself - not that it isn't good but it isn't the best thing. People can be unpredictable and I can fall or stumble at times.

But God is perfect always.

The more I walk into the workplace, the more I must go closer to God. Staying put leads to stagnation and anything else implies succumbing to the things of this world.

Such issues CANNOT be negotiated.

It's either you stay on God's side or move over to theirs.

The more I want to bless others and be of godly influence to them, the more I need to draw strength and empowerment from the Holy Spirit. Anything else means I'll eventually run on empty and then start being selfish and start taking things for granted.

In the light of God's awe, consuming fire and presence. I cannot afford to stay still. I have to run to Him. Staying still in itself is a mockery of the goodness of Christ and running away (or elsewhere) is merely mocking our Lord.

I constantly strive to see myself from eternity's perspective.

Excellent academic credentials, a wonderful career, fat paycheques, luxurious sedans, a spacious abode, a beautiful spouse, a well-groomed beagle, an established gigging band or acoustic duet, etc. All of them will eventually fade away in the light of eternity.

Having them is alright. Hoarding them is wrong. Holding back is destructive. Letting go, giving and surrendering is excellent and praiseworthy stewardship. Being obsessed with and by them is missing the point of living.

I just want to be God's wholehearted obedient child...

it starts with me

I've been concerned about our affluent generation being too contented with what we have, taking things for granted, living with a happy-go-lucky attitude, shying from adversity, craving for things of this world.

Instead of merely whining, complaining and talking about it, I'm glad I'm doing something about it - that's why I'm into my alternate-dinner fast.

I plan to fast from alternate dinners beyond this 40-day-prayer-and-fasting season.

Reason? I want this to be part of my lifestyle rather than a one-off event.

And I'm doing this:
[1] so that the cash surpluses can go towards blessing those who are in need
[2] as a form of intercession against the spirit and stronghold of materialism and over-indulgence that has plagued this generation

In the process of this, I'm looking through my life to see ways in which I can cut down or eliminate unnecessary consumption and use of resources - so my capacity for giving to others can be stretched.

A mental calculation revealed to me that if I continue this alternate-dinner fast for 1 year, the cash surplus will be $720. I'm just amazed at how much this amount can benefit, bless and enrich others just by me making adjustments here and there in my lifestyle.

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The throneroom of God.

It helps to bring everything you have in life into the throneroom of heaven.

Imagine if God brought you back to the heavenlies right now. What aspects of your life will melt and fade away? What will remain and be purified?

GY mentioned to me that doing this while we are still on earth will be way much easier compared to it happening when we die.

It's easier to strip of the not-necessary things and stuff in your life while you're still living than to see them melt away in God's presence when you bring all of them into heaven.

It's about the Kingdom mentality. That we are made for eternity. And that only things of eternity are worthy and truly valuable.

Which brings us back to the stewardship of our lives. How are we living our lives in the light of Jesus' death on the Cross? How are we living our lives in view of the Kingdom and eternity?

Hahaha....suddenly the television, the noise, the sights and sounds, the computer, the money, the job, the reputation, the want's, etc slowly fade away....

...we weren't made for this world. We are made for the eternal Kingdom of God.

Many things happening, much to learn and experience

Everglow Camp.

I didn't expect the bonding within the committee to be so strong that whenever I see them in the post-camp light, it still feels like we still running the camp itself.

One amazing thing I took home from the camp was the ability to exercise and see the value and potential in being consistent in things.

Lessons learnt. Not merely about spiritual climaxes nor emotional highs but the willingness to keep the fire burning even when the 'mountain-top' experiences are over. That we'll still run the race and stay true to our commitments and convictions even when people or things tell us to do otherwise.

Friendships. Not merely restricted to roles, responsibilities nor context. If we became friends in Everglow, we are friends in church, in the hawker center or anywhere else. And we'll keep it that way! ;)

Eye for details. Better to over-check than to under-check. Don't assume nor presume. Even God works with the details - cells, molecules, electrons, positrons, quarks, etc - and He's wonderful at it. It's the details which power the bigger picture. Just like the individual pixels which make up the entire image.

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God's supernatural amendment of fractured friendships.

Recently, I've experienced the 2nd occurence of this. I can only stand in awe that God is One who will work and move at His perfect timing. That if you surrender anything to God, be prepared to be blown away.

Just as I was close to forsaking and giving up on a friendship, God came to the rescue. Could it be because I casually asked God to fix it if possible, even without much hope nor enthusiasm? On the brink of walking away, I thought that perhaps this was the way to avoid future or further conflicts and rough scrapping between the both of us.

Not really a cold war per se. But something like "let's talk only if there's a need to" and "flee from existing social setting if necessary to avoid 'weirdness'".

But now I'm able to look at the person in the eye when conversing. Previously I talk with my shield before me and sword in its shieve, but now I've somehow left my defences behind and extended myself in the interaction process - the way true friends do it.

Hmmm....I still don't understand the reason for this happening...but it's supernatural and good, for sure...

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The band.

5 of us. And I don't think we'll be calling ourselves "The Rubber Band".

Yes, I'm enthusiastic and excited about it, but I'm concerned about the intricate details of it all. It's one thing to move ahead and be willing to learn along the way (this is a GOOD thing), but it's another thing to plan well, forsee the things you will encounter and estimate the costs.

Even though our scheduled first meet up and jam session is more like "see-how-it-goes", but I have to be firm with fellow members that it is something that we are SERIOUSLY going into. Yep, it's a commitment...

All in all, I'm truly grateful and humbled that we are willing to do something about our musical talents - to take it to a higher level and to be open to learn new stuff along the way. I'm not sure how things will be like, but I'm sure it will be challenging, stretching, enriching and eye-opening.

Onward to our first meet-up then!

commitment to the bloody surrender

2 Cor 12:9-10 - But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Usually when I read the above 2 verses I see them both as God's strength being perfected in our weaknesses. But today He's showing that to me in a different light.

When we become more Christlike, other than being transformed into His image and bearing characteristics more and more like Him, another thing you can be sure is that you are gonna face insults, hardships, persecutions, difficulties, etc like He did.

Facing these like He did is not a bad thing, but neither is it easy. But one can ALWAYS choose to do things OTHERWISE. Obedience is a choice. If it is forced, it is not obedience, it is obligation.

In the fellowship of brothers and sisters in Christ, I have seen countless fall away because they choose NOT to follow His ways. And the choice is very much clear - you follow Him completely or you don't. Anything less than a wholehearted desire to follow Him is as good as losing yourself to this world.

But those who choose to obey the call and walk the path faithfully deserve my utmost honor and respect. These are the people who bleed, sweat and tear on the "road marked with suffering". As I learn to journey on the road of bloody surrender, I realise that death is something very normal.

Die to yourself.
Die to your desires.
Die to your time and resources.
Die to the world.
Die for Christ.

Putting away all the externalities and superficialities, I realise too that the sweat, blood and tears of sincere service and faithfulness is indeed very valuable and precious in God's eyes. And as I draw closer to Him, I too value these more in my fellow comrades in service.

In the past I would think they are crazy people with no life. People who just didn't know how to take things easy and relax. People with too much things to do reflecting some sort of bad time management.

But once I step into similar shoes, pick up my arms and charge into the frontlines with them, I then realise the BEAUTY of COMMITMENT.

Honestly, I'm very sensitive physically, emotionally and spiritually to the word, "Commitment". Not because I can boast that I have it all, but it's something that I desire to have more of and something I really treasure, respect and honor.

Commitment is when you want something, you walk towards it and keep walking towards it till you get it. Anything less is bears no commitment at all.

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Last Friday evening was indeed a very difficult period for me.

In short, someone seemed to challenge my leadership position, forced words into my face in front of others and offered some not-really constructive advice/suggestions (on impulse).

I haven't been infuriated in a very long time. And when I do, it is either [1] the person is very "skilled" or [2] the situation is darn critical.

It seriously and literally felt like a spear was lunged into my heart. On the way home, my emotions were really cracked up - on top of feeling exhausted from the weeks' activities.

I was close to the brink of retaliation, which I glad I did not. Instead I did something drastic on the train ride home. Rather than spending time emo-ing and over-questioning God why this was happening, I choose to bless the person in God's name. I choose to forgive the person despite my current state of mind and emotions. I will still lay down my life for that person (to honor an old commitment).

I was trying to picture the scene when Jesus was mocked, spat at and flogged by Roman legionnaires. I could have hurled my spear at that person; Jesus could have just dumped those soldiers in hell. But He choose to forgive them. He choose to let go.

It's kind of interesting because some weeks back I was teaching a lesson on forgiveness - that it just boils down to our own personal choice. Others can do WHATEVER they want, but the choice on how to respond is up to us.

back to pushing pixels

Honestly and sincerely speaking, I've missed doing graphic design. And the past few tasks assigned to me for my project really got me back to it once again.

Playing around with fonts, colors, shapes, shades, transparency settings, stock photography, and other image/graphic manipulation software and techniques seem to teach me that the skills and talents given to me by God is supposed to be harnessed and used.

If I have kept quiet when our group was facing certain design and publicity needs, this skill set of mine would have not be further developed and our company's (fictitious one, though) image would have been less professional.

Nuff said...here's what I did the past week for design and publicity...





Now, I'll be working on the "company's" website....

drawing closer to God...

Already in week 3 of the "holidays". It always seems that whenever I choose to surrender my holidays to God, He will somehow or rather place activities, responsibilities or commitments which will occupy me.

God can align my activities so smoothly they just come one after the other.

The wonderful feeling of submitting to the TRUTH that His ways are higher than mine.

With these in mind, I'm attempting to go a level higher. Usually, we'll find something truly fulfilling and rewarding on hindsight (after everything's over), but I'm deliberately asking God to open up my eyes and heart to enjoy the process itself.

I find it an amazing and supernatural feat to be able to stand still, with calmness in heart and composure in mind, to just give thanks to God in the midst of adverse trail, testing and pressure.

I have experienced such feats personally and that feeling is...way beyond myself. Because it's not my strength nor my human nature that enables me to do so, but the very One who engineered all things to be in its place.

It's just like rather than tapping on your own engine, you're drawing your energy from ultra-generators - and this illustration itself is merely an understatement of what God can do through us.

When we are truly drawing strength from God (branches abiding in the true vine), we are then able to view such tough circumstances as OPPORTUNITIES for growth, refining, maturity, purification, etc. And when we are able to see that, our perspective and attitude changes. And then we are one step closer to God's intended abundant life for us.

Another thing to note is that this drawing-closer-to-God truth is a day-to-day practice and habit which the children of God are entitled to. If it's merely a one-off thing, then it defeats the purpose of God desiring to have fellowship with us.

So, let's draw closer to God...and KEEP drawing closer. The only thing that ULTIMATELY determines how much you can have of God is yourself.

Clique-kishness

The upside about being clique-ky (okay...i shall just call it 'clicky') is that the bonds forged within the group are reinforced each time round. Members within the clique will soon feel comfortable to be themselves - to share their heart-felt concerns, to give and receive honest feedback, to poke fun of others, to gossip (muahaa), etc.

This clique then becomes a very powerful entity in the larger community. Mobilise the clique and things will be effectively and efficiently done.

What I'm concerned with is that being too attached to a particular clique can have certain social drawbacks in some scenarios.

I've seen them at play in school and in church.

Lemme give an example.

A particular cell member of mine invited my cell over to her church's party - chill-out style, with live band performances and snacks all over the house. We went and we enjoyed ourselves, surely.

But as I was walking away from that place after saying the "good-byes" and such, I quickly went through what we did socially, and realised that it could have been better.

Honestly speaking, if not for the live bands and the outgoing MC, the atmosphere would have been much stiffer and less conducive for interaction.

But even with the background music playing, people (like myself, some of us and some others from other invited churches) still decided to stay within our cliques. Nothing wrong with that. But it could have been better.

I guess I'm in no position to pass judgement, but nevertheless, I'll criticise in manners as constructive and loving as possible.

(I struggle in this area too.) I personally feel that interacting with others will improve our interpersonal and social skills. It will open us up to a wealth of knowledge, expertise, advice, insights, etc. Like what they said, the world's not your oyster.

But somehow, it could be that we're hindered by the fear of rejection (if they aren't receptive), fear of humiliation (if we stumble and touch the wrong topics) or fear of the unknown (what if he's a brainy rocket scientist who loves eating cod with nickel chopsticks?).

So, the quick solution? Stay within the clique? If others are seen as predators, the clique will be the massive herd - cos there's power in numbers. The clique then becomes your security blanket...very nice and cosy in there, huh?

But what about the newcomers? (now thinking as a cell leader). How about them? What if they are left unattended and un-talked to at a corner?

That's when we have to break out of our comfort zones to mingle with the new people. That's what hospitality is about. If ushers and waiters only cared about herding themselves together and not being spontaneous to respond to a customer's approach, then they would have missed the point.

So let's do our BEST, in being proactive to see the value in meeting new people from all walks of life. To see things from a different lens. To gain another opinion or a different insight. And what more, you are then presented with wonderful opportunities to share God's love with them. Not too bad, huh?