The Beauty of the Lord

Once again, I shall make the resolve to live everyday for the beauty of the Lord.

There are NO substitutes, NO other ways, NO one else, NOthing else, NONE other, than God Himself.

The cry in my heart seems to grow louder and louder each day. It's not that I'm depressed...OKAY...for goodness' sake I am depressed, discouraged and disappointed when I look at certain things or people around me. There's NO doubt in that.

But God is the reason I hold on, the reason I press on, the reason I fight for joy in all that I do.

Even if people (for your info, dealing with people is one of my weakest areas) hate me, spite me, turn me away, ridicule me, say things about me, scheme against me, etc, I shall still cling unto the Lord, if not, continue to pray for grace that I will continue to love Him wholeheartedly and be faithful unto Him.

Back to the "Is Dom really depressed?" part: I really, really thank God for His grace and the inspiring and encouraging people He placed around me who really helped me open and keep my eyes open to the fact and marvel that God is a God of hope.

In other words, my flesh is terribly saddened, discouraged and sometimes terrified by the way some people live their lifes and by the way people are so satisfied with status quo. 

(By the way, I recently realised that if there's one thing that excites me a lot other than guitars and dark chocolate, it will be to help/point others away from their worldly lifestyles to God - from aimlessness/worldliness/status quo to godly destiny and purpose)

But my spirit cannot help but to be amazed that God is really a God of the impossible. That He changes people, He restores, heals and can use even the most disastrous of circumstances for His glory and the good of His people.

My inner man cries for heaven. For Him to take me home. Hahaa...I'm not edging on suicidal thoughts, but imagine this: if a tinge/hint of God (through revelation, His word, people He use, circumstances, etc) can so refresh/awaken/revive/captivate you, how much more when you meet Him? 

So, I'm glad in both ways. That I'm delighted that I'm still around here in this fallen world with fallen people because this is indeed an abundance of opportunities to work with Him to unveil the eyes of the lost and to see Him work His ways. And I'm also joyful that while now we see His hand moving in our midst, then shall we see Him FACE to FACE.

Thank You and love You, Lord...;)

Wanting to step out of comfort zone is one thing, to stay with it is another...

I've heard too many times phrases like, "No action, talk only", "Actions speaks louder than words", "You say so much got use or not? You want then go and do lah.."

Yeah...mere talk doesn't get the business done.

Last week or so, I've made a firm, informed and convicted decision to be willing and intentional in stepping out of my comfort zones during the post-exam holidays. And that means, doing (radical) things which I rarely do normally, trying out new stuff, seeking God for direction and obeying His voice, etc.

Last Friday was my last paper and on that day there was cell. So I spent most of it (even though was extremely sleep-deprived) preparing for cell - according to what I sensed and heard from God.

Saturday was a sleep-in during the earlier part of the day, then I met up with my bro before church service. After church was dinner and an eventual dessert.

Sunday was at my grandparents' place for a pre-Mother's day get-together. Honestly I was quite reluctant to go in the first place.

And Monday...Monday onwards was my EID (Engineering Innovative Design) project where my groupmates and I returned back to school to come up with innovative and creative design solutions - all in the name of technopreneurship.

The bottomline is that I haven't exactly got my fair share of post-stress and exams rest. But that's where the stretching comes in.

Sure, there will be some who say that I better have my rest before I explode or break down. But for this case, that isn't the point. I still have enough sleep here and there, but I'm keeping myself on the move - planning ahead, scheduling in advance, micromanaging my resources, assessing situations and circumstances.

And the reason why I'm doing this is so that [1] I will be challenged and stretched and forced to step out of the confines of my comfort zones and perceived limitations and [2] I will cause myself to have an eventful, happening, purposeful and fruitful holiday.

The last thing I want is to revert back to the old, slacking mode. Rotting and stoning all day long. Staring at the TV and computer screen. Arghh...the mere thought of it disturbs me.

Yeah...and after the EID (which ends around early June), comes the youth JC-poly-ITE-campus camp (which I'm involved in) and an NTU outreach project (which is still in it's planning phase). More details to be released soon.

Also, cell's going to be way more challenging and exciting - with designated times for accountability and sharing of testimonies, challenges and experiences of walking with God.

All of these are possible, when you want more of Him and you make sure you REALLY want more...and nothing but more...

Me is busy bee

I've been extremely busy lately. Not that I want to, but I have no choice...

What frustrates me is that sometimes my busy schedule just eats into the time which I ought to spend with other people...as in, building relationships.

But why are there just so many things to be done?

Maybe it's the season, or the culture, or the circumstances, etc...

In the midst of chaotic running-all-around, busyness, I just hold on to 2 things (or that they are only the 2 things I can do).

1. Pray hard and much.
2. Prioritise well - do things which count.

The rest I'll just leave it to Daddy. You know, He's very powerful and is in control of all things. Heard He's able to stop time too....hahaa...

In the midst of the stress

My buddy and I will always do the countdown. So for today, it's 8 more days to the end of the exams.

Yes, I can't wait for the holidays to come. But before I go into the details of what I plan to do during those few months of break, I shall get a little serious now with certain issues.

During this period of examinations, I must really take a tough stance against procrastination and complancency. Even on the last day of the exams, I mustn't let my guard down. For a single weak point in the formation will lead to the collapse of the entire army.

This morning I took out my laptop and I got distracted. Wasted quite a bit of time surfing around instead of diligently pracitising my guitar playing and mentally preparing myself for the afternoon paper.

I'm not being harsh on myself. I'm being firm. And certain things cannot be compromised. Because after the exams, I have (somewhat) all the time in the world to do whatever I want, so for now, I'll concentrate on my exams.

Reality is, for certain things in life, we only have one shot at it - so give your best. Do whatever you want to do later.

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I long to have another jamming session with the rest of my cell-mates after the exams.

In view of this, after evaluating our previous jamming session, I noted one major concern: the need for more dynamics.

How?

• giving more space during parts of the song
• listening to one another
• varying touch and volume
• exercising variation in playing

In line with this (plus the guitar lessons I'm currently taking on in church), I have looked at my personal playing skills and I realised that there is a dire need for improvement.

Which is why I'm constantly on the look out for more ideas, techniques, tricks, advice, etc from various sources.

And to enhance our playing dynamics I'm spurred on to learn damping techniques, to sharpen my fingerplucking skills, and most of all to have pick-independence - to strum, pluck and do everything with my fingers only.

I have thought of picking up the bass guitar during the holidays too, but I'll see how it goes first. Still got way too much things to learn and do on the acoustic.

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Will share more in the entries to come. Back to studying. God bless!

Okay, it's our 1-week recess period now. I know, but I'm very stressed.

There's so much things I wanna do (which I couldn't during the normal school days) and there are so much things I ought to do (notice the difference). And add on the usual obligations, duties and roles to perform, etc.

Yes, I'm rather stressed. Even though we're only in the 2nd day of this 1-week break, I can feel the immense pressure on my head and chest right now. The urge to get things done.

You might say, I'm crazy and I'm being too hard on myself, but honestly, I feel worse when the deadline's over and objectives are not achieved as expected. That would make me feel worse.

So that's why I'm pushing myself onwards to diligence and proactivity in the things I do. Doing it all for God's glory.

Hahaha...it's like saying "No" to complacency and procrastination. Yeah, those two are my most stubborn enemies. Whenever I think I'm over them, they suddenly appear beneath my skin.

Hmm...time to get back to my Effective Communication assignment...

God bless!

Unwell, uneasy, uncomfortable

Been feeling the combination of these 3 for the past few days and even now.

Superficially, it's could be due to my busy schedule for last week, coupled with school work and the lack of sleep and all that. But there could be spiritual reasons to it as well.

Ever since the Crusaders began their 13-day period of praying and fasting to seek God's face, I must say that my walk with Him has been much closer than before. But I'm not going to stop there.

I want more of Him. Less of me and more of Him. Even...none of me and all of Him.

Last week I was leading worship on 2 consecutive evenings. Thursday was Crusade's crossroads (some sort of a mini-service with worship and message) and Friday was for cell.

Honestly speaking (for such a perfectionist like me), I went up with high expectations for myself (and for my team, for the Thur worship stint). I made sure the flow was right, that we had somewhat sufficient preparation and set the chord progressions straight. All the nitty-gritty stuff.

Then we did worship.

And I was stunned when I looked at the body languages of the worshippers. I was somewhat disappointed. "Hmm...how come they're so stiff?" "Or is it just me?"

I thought I did something wrong or did not do something right for the time being. Then, I decided to let God take charge. Absolute charge.

Bluntly and frankly speaking, I went on with the worship proceedings without thinking about anything except God. Seriously, I don't care if other people dragged their feet into His courts or if they didn't like the songs being sung. I don't care. I only care about whether I'm able to connect with God or not.

It's not (or NEVER) about me, nor them, nor the person beside you or me, nor the competency of playing an instrument, nor the song, it's about Him.

Which leads me to the point where I felt uncomfortable spiritually because I was approaching Him with things still obstructing my view of Him.

Foolishness are the things which hinder you from worshipping Him wholeheartedly.

I feel sick when something, or someone, or some situation or some experience or some etc, etc prevents me from seeking His face.

I appreciate reality checks. Why? Not only is it because we live in reality (hope you know this by now) but because God is real.

Yes. He has poured out His infinite love and unfailing grace to you and me. But that does not imply that we can have reason to be reluctant when coming to Him. When we drag our feets and go about our daily lives only seeking Him for a matter of convenience.

He's the Name above all names. Repent and ask Him for forgiveness if you EVER use His name in vain.

We ought to revere God with our everything.

I'm sorry if certain things I say here hurt or damage your feelings, but this is necessary. He is the most high and I have to defend Him for His sake not out of the sense of duty, but because I love Him.

God bless.

Stretched and Challenged in many ways

I'm tired, got many things to do in very little time. Much of time spent on school work, then followed by things for God (church, cell, crusade). What's left is for eating, drinking, rushing here and there, sleeping, etc.

Almost no time for myself. Or if I have, it just passes by way too quickly.

So much things to do. But I'm not complaining. In fact, I'm thankful that such a chain of events is occurring. Must be from God. To keep me on the move and on the ball all the time for Him.

It's like a marathon. To keep going is to keep going. If you want to keep going, you have to keep going (maintaining momentum). To keep the fire for God burning, you will have to exercise your passion and live out your faith daily.

I'm glad that in such a context, there is an abundance of opportunities to step out of your comfort zones, to be challenged by God and to stretch your hunger for Him. It's only in the midst of the storms and when the rubber hits the road when you can finally put all you have envisioned and planned into practice.

I'm being optimistic on this one. It's not that I'm ignoring the pile of work to be done, but I'm seeing things with a different perspective.

Seeing problems as challenges and viewing burdens as opportunities to rely totally on God.

I'm really in a situation where I need God more than ever before.

• If you're tired or exhausted, don't give up, give it to God and ask Him for His refreshment
• If you're pissed by the world, don't flare up in anger, ask God for His grace
• If you're hard-pressed for time, don't ask for less work, ask God for better time management
• If you're faced with intimidating quantities of work, don't ask to be excused from them, instead, ask God to grant you stronger arms and tougher bodies to bear them

It's only in the furnace of affliction where God refines you. It's only in the pressures of life, where your character will be hardened.

If you're stressed or burdened in the future, think about the diamond. It's because of pressure which transformed filthy carbon into precious stones.

God bless.

My maths tutorial, ahh....

Lemme tell u something. I just finished doing my maths tutorial (even though there are some questions which I have no idea how to deal with them). Started on them since 8 or 9 plus.

Well, that's typical of my maths tutorials. I still remembered my first math tutorial in semester 1 (I'm right now doing my 2nd semester). It's a Friday night and people have left for home after lessons and stuff. And I'm in my hostel doing my math. From 6 plus after dinner right until 10 plus.

My other church cellmates at that time were viewing fireworks at the Esplanade, I can still remember.

And guess what, this piece of work which I spent 4+ hours on is just covered in a 1-hour tutorial slot. Heh...sounds, like not worth it, right?

Wrong! Still must do. Because I am student and I want to be good good student. I want to make God and my parents proud of me.

Wah! I tell you, the sense of satisfaction from finishing it is veri veri shiok, one!

...but my brain going to explode liao...