breakthrough boulevard

Radicalness, faith, fear, boldness

2009-07-26T21:32:00.005+08:00

"Dominic, am I a radical God?"

"Yes You are...."

"So you shall go and do radical things for me..."

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If my God is a radical God, then I shall be His radical child. If He's NOT my God, I won't be bothered and if He's my God but not a radical one, then I shall be a small, insignificant, powerless child.

A few weeks back God has been challenging me to NOT place Him and myself in a box.

God and I not in box: living freely in His power out of an intimate relationship

God in box, I'm not: manipulation (using God for your selfish purposes)

God not in box, I'm in box: slave mentality in God's Kingdom

God and I in a box: religion

God has brought me to a point whereby there's enough recitation of Scriptures, enough prayer, enough consideration (whether this is from God or not), enough holding back. Not to say that these are bad, but we shouldn't allow anything to hold us back when God has placed something in our heart.

Yes, there is indeed a balance between the reckless and the sanitised. It is wisdom and experience that will allow us to discern this balance. And I realised that I have been living a sanitised and sheltered life too long.

I am currently stepping out in faith, trusting God in several areas of my life, especially in relationships - being there for people and being involved in their lives.

I will also admit that sometimes living by faith can feel like punching thin air and speaking to lifeless walls. But it is my trust in God that supersedes any form of skepticism which says try to say that "Maybe you shouldn't do this, because God isn't there." or "Are you sure God is real in this?"

If you sow the same things, you will most likely reap the same things. So, if you want things to be DIFFERENT, you've got to do things differently. I find this statement (which I did make last time) to be senseless and outrightly stupid, "I want to see breakthrough, but I just won't want to bring myself to step out."

Indeed, fear can be real. I'm not saying that instances of uncertainty, anxiety and fear will not be there, but it is our RESPONSE to that which will eventually determine whether we step out or not. And if there's fear, let's deal with it, together with God. If you do it yourself, the odds might be less. But if you do it with God, you will never know how He's able to expand your capacity and grant you boldness as you step out in faith.

The Beauty of the Lord

2009-05-15T01:48:00.003+08:00

Once again, I shall make the resolve to live everyday for the beauty of the Lord.

There are NO substitutes, NO other ways, NO one else, NOthing else, NONE other, than God Himself.

The cry in my heart seems to grow louder and louder each day. It's not that I'm depressed...OKAY...for goodness' sake I am depressed, discouraged and disappointed when I look at certain things or people around me. There's NO doubt in that.

But God is the reason I hold on, the reason I press on, the reason I fight for joy in all that I do.

Even if people (for your info, dealing with people is one of my weakest areas) hate me, spite me, turn me away, ridicule me, say things about me, scheme against me, etc, I shall still cling unto the Lord, if not, continue to pray for grace that I will continue to love Him wholeheartedly and be faithful unto Him.

Back to the "Is Dom really depressed?" part: I really, really thank God for His grace and the inspiring and encouraging people He placed around me who really helped me open and keep my eyes open to the fact and marvel that God is a God of hope.

In other words, my flesh is terribly saddened, discouraged and sometimes terrified by the way some people live their lifes and by the way people are so satisfied with status quo.

(By the way, I recently realised that if there's one thing that excites me a lot other than guitars and dark chocolate, it will be to help/point others away from their worldly lifestyles to God - from aimlessness/worldliness/status quo to godly destiny and purpose)

But my spirit cannot help but to be amazed that God is really a God of the impossible. That He changes people, He restores, heals and can use even the most disastrous of circumstances for His glory and the good of His people.

My inner man cries for heaven. For Him to take me home. Hahaa...I'm not edging on suicidal thoughts, but imagine this: if a tinge/hint of God (through revelation, His word, people He use, circumstances, etc) can so refresh/awaken/revive/captivate you, how much more when you meet Him?

So, I'm glad in both ways. That I'm delighted that I'm still around here in this fallen world with fallen people because this is indeed an abundance of opportunities to work with Him to unveil the eyes of the lost and to see Him work His ways. And I'm also joyful that while now we see His hand moving in our midst, then shall we see Him FACE to FACE.

Thank You and love You, Lord...;)

2009-03-26T21:14:00.002+08:00

It is indeed an inescapable fact that humans, like you and me, need to be rewarded in order to continue doing something.

Whether it's:
- a sense of achievement
- the sight of seeing someone helped or their needs met
- seeing a cause come to fulfilment
- just simply because it brings us pleasure
- etc...

And looking at the past month, I'm definitely sure that the amount of pressure that has been placed upon me is even greater than the magnitude of commitments I took on during the past December holidays (which caused me to burnout).

But the difference now is that, apart from desiring to serve God and others, [1] I'm doing things out of my LOVE for Him and [2] I'm doing things because He is my REWARD.

I cannot stress enough for point [2] because that was what really ministered to me during this week. With an abundant supply of projects and assignments and the impending examinations, ALL that I think of during this hectic (by conventional standards) period, is just God.

Yes. To be with Him, in Him, for Him, to hold Him, touch Him, have Him, see Him, hug Him. And now I have greater understanding on how loving God can be so pleasurable that it might border on the lines of eroticism - in similar terms to falling in love and having that special someone, multiplied by infinity.

Thus, in a nutshell, ALL I want is God. I am even more than happy if He suddenly takes me to heaven now because that's like a wish come true. But for now, on this realm and in this fleshly and physical self, I shall strive to live my utmost for Him and be wholehearted in all that I do.

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The Christian life is simple, but it's NOT easy.

To be honest, it WILL cost you.

But what cost is that to us if at the end of the day we can meet and know our Creator face to face?

So, all in all, it's gain...with exorbitant profit margins...

I personally feel that all the debates across denominations, all the complications of our faith and belief, the various facets of theology, intellect, culture, etc should NEVER hinder us from living for God.

And I believe that it is our inherent fallen nature that we tend to mess and complicate things - bringing in legalism and all sorts of commitments bound to obligation. If we continue to subscribe to these ways, we are surely giving the enemy an easier time...

Indeed life will be much simpler if we all look to and keep looking to God.

- if it's tough, ask Him for help
- if it seems mundane, ask Him to help you stay faithful, before the "bigger and more happening" things come
- if we are already looking, encourage one another and stay firm
- if we don't know how, ask Him for wisdom and revelation
- if we are offended, ask Him to help us forgive
- if we lose out, look at Him closely - He's your reward
- if we gain, give thanks to Him and share the blessing
- if we fail, we only fail if we give up
- if we are mocked, He comforts us
- if we are backstabbed, He's the ultimate Judge
- if we are despised, He still looks upon us with great love
- if we are faithful, He will reward us
- if we stumble, He will help us up
- if we are stuck in a rut, He is a God of breakthrough
- etc...

A time of testing/stretching?

2009-03-14T23:15:00.002+08:00

What a week...

I've come to a point where by soul and emotions feel SO drained that it's quite challenging to engage in deep conversations with people...but DON'T worry, I'm still in love with God.

Here's how it started:

As per normal, despite all the deadlines, assignments, projects, words of pessimism, grumblings, complains, etc going around me, I desperately continue to ask God DAILY to help me find joy in everything that I do for Him.

And yes, with God's help it's very much possible to find purpose and delight in the things we do everyday, like routines, mundane stuff, people, and all that.

But somehow during the week, God seemed to be placing people in my midst for me to get to know more about them and what they are going through. Thing is, by nature, I'm not really a people person, and I will not naturally strike conversations with people and try to hear them out. The most I'll go is "Where are you heading to?", "Hi. See ya. Take care.", "Hey, what a small world...."

For example, in times whereby I really want my own time and personal space:

- a sister and I happen to take our buses from the same bus-stop and so we talk along the way back

- I happen to stumble upon my schoolmate (who's now on internship) on my way back, and so he tells me about how my current modules will be like (cos he took them last sem), how to prepare for them, and so on...

- on my way to church after a lab project meeting (forgoing my afternoon nap), I'm with my friend and we're talking during the entire train ride (when all I want to do is to find a seat, be silent and close my eyes)

- I gladly agree to help out for our Friday campus gathering (even though I really needed my afternoon nap)

- on Friday when I really want to worship God and pray for our campuses wholeheartedly, I feel even MORE exhausted after that evening session

I sense God is really stretching my heart for others. May His heart for others be made perfect in my introvert-ness...
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Dear God,

You definitely heard my prayers to live for you with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and for You to defend and stretch my childlike faith and joy in You.

I know You're training me with the circumstances that I'm going through. That whenever I pray for you to build up (for example) my identity in You, You placed people around me who seem to question my motives, who seem to give me weird and sometimes intimidating looks, who can't seem to support my convictions in You...

Lord, it's hard...and I know that I'm NOT and NEVER made to live for status quo. I know that You are the God Most High and we are a chosen people of power. And I want to LIVE in Your love and power. I want to crave for more of You EVERYDAY. I want to love others the way You love me.

But God, the more I pursue these, the more I feel drained. Daddy, it's perfectly okay if You don't make me feel comfortable, because You're more concerned about my character. But Father, please sustain me...without You, I might as well give up. But I don't want to throw in the towel because I love You and I will stand for You.

One of the ways the devil can get at me is through people and that can really hurt me. But my identity and security lies in You. I cannot live or continue without Your encouragement because there are many around me who easily despise the things You have placed in my heart. Many times it feels as if I'm talking to a wall, or like they are despising me whenever I share the reason why I love You.

God, please HELP me love them. Honestly, I feel like defending myself and retaliating and slapping them out of their stupid ideas. But I refuse to because You told me not to judge. You told me to love them. You told me to show grace, mercy and forgiveness because You done to same to me.

Father, encourage me also, whenever I sacrifice my time and resources for Your Kingdom. Your son and servant gladly does so out of his love for You. But God, it's SO EASY to compare with others. Help me to stay focused on You. They may have their free time, their money, their cars, their grades, their fame, their respect from others, their games, their girls, their hobbies, their TV programmes, etc...but I have You. Even when I don't feel that You're enough for me, HELP me...Lord....

It's simple to live for You, but it's not easy. But I will CHOOSE You because I love You and that You are more that what this world can offer. As I desire to stay faithful and obedient to You, may You be glorified and may others be blessed and touched by Your love...

In Your Son's most precious name,
Amen.

I resolve...

2009-02-07T03:41:00.002+08:00

I, Dominic Soh Weixiang...

...resolve to live wholeheartedly in all things that I do and all roles that I take on, for the glory of God.

Mark 12:30 - Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.

Colossians 3:23 - Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for man, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Even above:

- loving my neighbour as myself
- desiring to see breakthrough, revival, miracles, etc
- reward or recognition
- meeting the needs of others
- fulfilling my responsibilities
- honoring a commitment
- the sense of duty
- obligations
- making my superiors and leaders proud
- the desire for excellence
- setting an excellent example for others
- following orders/instructions
- the process of training, stretching
- morality
- preserving my integrity...

...I want to do all things OUT OF my love for God.

It all starts with me

2009-01-27T15:28:00.004+08:00

Matthew 7:3-5 - "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

I can't believe the countless times I've told myself and some closer people that so-and-so should:

- wake up his/her idea
- get more disciplined
- count the costs of walking with Christ
- get more organised with his/her life
- put things into perspective
- not take things for granted
- stop complaining
- be more sensitive
- etc, etc, etc...

In view of what I think others should do and what the above verses mentioned, I ought to examine MYSELF before saying anything about others.

It all starts with me. Therefore, I RESOLVE to ensure that before I ask someone to do something about himself/herself, I practice it myself.

Examining this closely, I realise the purpose behind those verses. That if we are point out shortcomings in others without looking at ourselves first,

1. We run the risk of being hypocritical

Yes, that's the simplest of all. You may be able to spot flaws and shortcomings in others, but if you fail to see those in yourself first, that blindspot is going to cost you severely now and/or in the future.

2. We are running on empty

I feel this is the more serious point.

I simply cannot imagine a person who is haphazard and disorganised in his dealings to urge someone else to get his life in order/shape. His words just carry no weight. And even if the latter agrees that his life needs some restructuring, the former is unable to help him effectively - and he might also cause his friend to stumble unnecessarily.

Which is why the former ought to examine himself and sort himself out FIRST. Then, he will have more experience and ability to assist others. Also, when the former himself tastes the benefits of a well ordered lifestyle, his words to the 2nd guy will definitely be more convincing.

I'm still in the process of learning, nevertheless. And even if my prayers for others is for certain parts of their lives to change, I really need to examine my heart's intentions behind my words and thoughts.

To the world, I might sound like a weakling or pussy or even underserving of whatever leadership or authoritative capacity I've been entrusted with. (Because all they say is that if you have something against someone, just fire the missiles.) But that's not the point. The point is to OBEY God because I believe that is of exponential worth compared to gratifying the expectations of others.

The Process of Stretching is KANG-KOR

2008-11-18T10:37:00.003+08:00

Kang-kor means difficult, in dialect.

I don't know how or where to start, but in a nutshell, I'm exhausted and emotionally drained.

There are many battles going on inside my head and here are some occassional examples:
- I want to go hide in my 'corner' and play guitar, eat dark chocolate, watch documentaries
- I don't want to meet / hang out with people
- I don't want to go for and do cell
- I don't want to go to work
- I don't want anymore "arrows" from ministry
- I want my December holiday back
- I want to pull out my hair

Despite the mental rage and brutality going on, I still choose to press on and have total reliance on God.

And here are some "DANGEROUS" things which I have asked from God (and that He is indeed granting my request):

1. I want to be stretched and challenged beyond my means and imagination
2. I want to surrender my time and holiday for His plans and purposes
3. I want to be selfless and surrendered in relationships (ie: with the people around me)
4. I want to store up treasures in heaven, and better still, none on earth

The bottomline is that when you ask God to use you (more) for His purposes and kingdom, you will NOT be disappointed. ;)

By the way ah, I'm not depressed or what...but just drained. Even though there are thoughts of throwing in the towel, of discouragement, of despair, of some degree of neverending adversity, I still see them as opportunities whereby I can either:

1. pretend they are not there and move on, or

2. acknowledge they are there, use them as fuel for complaining, be negative, be critical, be cynical, be overly-pragmatic, play the blame game - and in the end, forfeit the training, or

3. acknowledge they are there, give thanks in all circumstances, rely on God for strength when my body is strained and emotions failing, trust God for provision when I'm running short on time or resources, by amazed and in awe that I'm storing treasures in heaven rather than pursuing temporal rewards, be glad that in this I'm drawing closer to God and that He's glorified, be grateful that the time spent with others are investing in their lives, be aware that it's His will and not mine which must be done - press on, move on and go in obedience to God.

I choose number 3.

Bluntly Speaking 6

2008-11-03T15:23:00.002+08:00

Live what you Believe: Don't contradict yourself
==================================

Being in campus and around campus people, it won't be surprising to hear about the countless dreams, desires and aspirations which many have. Sure, they are mature and intellectual people and they definitely have a good idea of what they want.

But there has to be consistency between their words and their actions. I repeat, CONSISTENCY.

It doesn't help if:

- you want to lose weight and you still continue to have suppers high in calories
- you want to love others self-lessly and still continue to gossip
- you want to start the day early and still continue to hit the snooze button
- you want to grow in the Lord and still continue to put away your quiet time

And honestly speaking, it's way easier to do a one-off, large-scale attempt to achieve something, than to engage in small, humble, consistent and determined efforts to reach your goals.

In other words, it's easier to be inspired and go 6km and then get cramps and give up, then to do 2km runs regularly and build up from there.

Thus, it's crucial that we place our aspirations/ambitions side-by-side with our actions. It's okay if they are very far apart, but the thing is, is the latter getting CLOSER to the former?

So, to get where we desire to go, make it a point to start with small, digestible efforts. And keep to them despite your circumstances nor emotions - press on and persevere. It's the small steps one after the other that eventually reaches the destination, not the big leaps and the nothingness after that.

The Thumbprint of Problems and Opportunities

2008-10-06T15:24:00.003+08:00

Each problem is unique. And in it are opportunities - to learn, to mature, to grow, to reflect, etc.

And if one doesn't cease those opportunities, they are wasted. And if one doesn't see problems as opportunities, they are wasted as well. Gone forever.

You'll never get the same problem/opportunity again. And there's no point regretting about it - it's a waste of resources.

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Recently, I asked God to help me deal and overcome the fear of man - the struggling and pressing need to gain his approval and meet his expectations. And yes, the number of times whereby my social skills and emotional resilience has been put to the test has bloated exponentially.

Coupled with the fact that I've firmly decided to make it a point to see the value in the lives of others and to see them for who they are.

Things aren't easy, but James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

It means that the way to maturity in the midst of trials is to press on until the end, if not, one will miss the point.

And the higher level you go, the greater the tests and challenges.

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While others can make all the remarks they want to make, blabber and talk about things (without much action), cut around corners because they claim "it's very difficult", or give up half-way because there's no more emotional/spiritual highs and their inspiration's gone...

...I shall press on towards the passion, purposes and calling which God has placed in my life. I'll keep at it because it's worth it and it's my sacrifice and worship unto God.

It will be hard, and it's definitely useful to know that the currency for character development is sweat, blood and tears.

I've come to a point whereby some won't be able to know or care what I'm going through / how I'm feeling along the way, but it doesn't matter. I'll stay close to God, and to those who really care. And as for God and to those who really care, You and you all shall share with me in my journey. ;)

Practice, practice, practice...(are we there yet?)

2008-09-28T11:12:00.003+08:00

Excerpt from today's "Our Daily Bread", with emphasis added.

Leonardo da Vinci spent 10 years drawing ears, elbows, hands, and other parts of the body in many different aspects. Then one day he set aside the exercises and painted what he saw. Likewise, athletes and musicians never become great without regular practice.

Practice and training is VERY, VERY different from the actual performance, or actual thing. One thing we must realise is that for a very good or even exceptional performance to be materialised, there has to be thorough and intense preparation and training involved.

Likewise, to become excellent at something, one needs to devote and be willing to sacrifice long hours in training. There are no shortcuts - an initial burst of enthusiasm to pursue something is, bluntly put, not good enough. What's necessary and crucial is actually steadfast and faithful practice - despite emotion, circumstances or others.

There are many times when I see some musician perform or do a cover on Youtube and I'm so amazed and inspired by it, I grab my guitar and search for the tabs and try it. Then reality hits - it is not as easy as it appears to be.

Yes, practice, practice, practice...it's the long-term consistency that counts.

ALL

2008-09-26T10:37:00.002+08:00

Mark 12:30 - Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.

I was pondering on this verse while showering and God pointed out the word, "all" to me. Seems to strike out in this verse.

I asked Him, "What if it's an acronym?"

He says, "ALL - Absolutely Limit-Less"

Wow..."No wonder You are God."

Live life like there's no tomorrow

2008-09-22T15:47:00.004+08:00

Do things as if you won't be able to do them again tomorrow. Not to invoke a sense of doom-and-gloom, but to really bring of the essence of the importance of seizing opportunities in life.

Yesterday I watched "The Bucket List" starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. In short it's about these 2 men who have been diagnosed with cancer and eventually they found out how much time they have left to live.

Freeman comes up with some items in his "Bucket List' - things to do before one dies. Nicholson happens to see it, adds some items into it of his own, then off they go to accomplish them.

A couple of takeaways from this show. That at the end of the day - end can mean the conclusion of life, a season, an opportunity, a period, etc - things/issues like what others think of you or what you think of yourself doesn't matter at all. Afterall, these 2 men are "dead" anyway.

Receiving Christ into my life and dying to myself has once again reminded me that my life is there for me to live it, God is there to help me on, despite what happens or what others do along the way.

That movie really enlarged my perspective of life once again. Bringing death, or even the light of eternity into the picture, being frustrated or uptight with trivial and insignificant things seem to be totally a waste after all.

The soundtrack of this movie is entitled, "Say" by John Mayer. (Roy introduced the song to me, which in turn led me to the movie)...

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all your so called problems
Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say (x7)
Say what you need to saaaay...

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead

If you could only
Say what you need to say (x7)
Say what you need to saaay...

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open... wide...

At the end of the day, what's most important? Fear, pride? Your opinion/approval and theirs? God's plans and purposes intended for you?

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I'm really encouraged by my Dad's friend's (who's into guitars and who also helped me get some of mine) heart in his playing.

While we were in a guitar shop and trying out electrics, he took one of the guitars, played his blues and sung along to it.

To me, he had his heart in it. Even if you can definitely find another person who can play or sing better than him - it doesn't matter - he held NOTHING back. He gave his ALL.

Colossians 3:23 - Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.

2008-09-21T18:13:00.001+08:00

Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like no-one's watching.
Sing like no-one's listening.
Live like there's no tomorrow.

A Dying Cat And A Nylon String Guitar

2008-09-18T15:08:00.003+08:00

"Music isn't just learning notes and playing them, you learn notes to play to the music of your soul" - Katie Greenwood.

Why are you learning music anyway? Is it to pick up chicks? Is it to fulfill a void in your mundane life? Is it an indescribable calling?

I always wanted to learn the drums. I don't know why, maybe it's the aggressive nature of the things. You sit there and bash the crap out of them.

As fate would have it I shared a house with Dave, a guitar player, so I decided to learn the guitar as I had my very own teacher living in the next room. Or so I thought.

I went out and bought a nylon string classical guitar for $70. I didn't have a clue what I was doing but that never stopped me before.

So I went back home with my new guitar in its cardboard box. And with anything new, you want to play with it straight away, as soon as you get it home.

I also bought one of those guitar case chord dictionaries. You know the ones, they have a thousand chords in them and they are designed to confuse rather than actually help you.

So I waited for Dave to get home from work and as soon as he was in the door I was at him. "I bought this new guitar and I was wondering if you could show me how to play it" I said.

He just laughed at me but eventually agreed to show me which chords to learn first. He told me to learn the open chords A, D, E, G, and C. So I did. I spent every spare moment learning these chords.

Dave wouldn't show me any songs to play so I was forced to make up my own songs. This forced me to really explore every one of these chords as I thought at the time that I had to include them all in every song I wrote.

The songs I wrote were pretty strange to say the least. We were into punk music at that time so just imagine what a dying cat like vocals set to a nylon string out of tune guitar played as fast as a speeding train sounds like and you get the picture.

It sounded good to me at the time and I was very proud of my new found ability. It took about three months to get the hang of changing between the chords, and being able to write a song. (if you could call it that).

I didn't know it at the time but I had the one thing that was needed that would ensure I would become a good guitar player. That one thing was sheer bloody determination. And the more people told me how bad I sounded the more determined I became to improve.

So it doesn't matter how good or bad you are at the moment just play the music of your soul - even if it sounds like a cat being tortured. You will improve as long as you keep trying.

Here's a mental exercise for you. Fast forward your mind to 4 years from now. How good a guitar player will you be? The time will pass regardless of what you do. Are you going to keep at it? or are you going to give up? It's up to you. You will be four years older, but will you be four years wiser?

See ya next time

John Stockwell

2008-09-18T15:08:00.002+08:00

Later this evening, after work, I'm going to head towards my childhood friend's place to jam.

I suddenly feel like David (me) going up to Goliath (him) not to fight but to spar and train up my skills.

His fingers run across the fretboard faster than my feet run on solid ground.

I'm feeling a little uncertain about this, but in order to improve my skills, I'll have to seek those who are more proficient and let them kick me beyond my current abilities.

The last time we jammed (and talked) was like the past Chinese New Year. It's been quite a while. I still remember not knowing a single thing about scales and soloing when we were at another friend's place with our guitars.

Hope that with all the training and practicing I've done so far, we'll be able to at least get going with some things.

when I am weak, then I am strong

2008-09-16T09:30:00.003+08:00

2 Cor 12:10 - That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I've come to a realisation that it doesn't matter how many times you fall in life, but what matters is whether you decided to pick yourself up and move on, or to just remain and sulk in that fallen position.

There are times of 'mountain-tops' - spiritual highs, immense conviction, the I'm-ready-to-do-all-things-for-God kind of drive, etc. Yet, there are also moments of cowardice, lack of confidence, dampened self-esteem, discouragement, disapointment, etc.

But genuine failure is when we choose to remain fallen, choose to NOT improve, choose to NOT move on, regardless of the number of times we experience setback or obstacles.

There are also times when we've experienced breakthrough, ventured on new ground beyond past comfort zones. Now we're in a new land and establishing our foothold. Looking further, the blizzards are harsher, the trails are more perilous and the slope gradients less forgiving. And sometimes, I think to myself, "Can I stay here just a little longer?"

Because it's warm? It's familiar? It's relatively getting more comfortable?

Worse still if the returning scouts bring back unfavourable and discouraging reports. "We've just glanced at the fangs of those mountain wolves." "I guess we should step back a little".

Then we retreat? Go back downhill? Get anxious of our circumstances?

But wait...hold on...take a moment to examine why in the first place we're here.

It doesn't matter if we slip and trip here and there, but as long as we set our hearts on our purposes and goals we planned out and press on in getting there, we WILL make it. And it's not really what we get along the way that matters, it's what we become that's crucial.

=====

In my pursue of musical passion, I've discovered that it be more worthy of a man with little musical competence but with unstoppable drive to improve (for himself and others), than one with god-like skills and a complacent mindset.

Inevitable are moments when I just ask myself what in the world am I getting myself into, when I could actually spend the time doing other stuff?

These are times when I need to review what I'm living for, here's my list of priorities:

1. Wholehearted, personal devotion to God (not involving ministry)
2. Family
3. Studies/Career; cell group; music
4. Misc ministry-related stuff; friends

=====

Last note.

I'm really encouraged, revived and refreshed whenever I read about the encounter and purposes God had for Gideon.

Judges 6:12 - When the angel of the LORD appeared to Gideon, he said, "The LORD is with you, mighty warrior."

By human standards and by his background, Gideon is a nobody. His clan is the weakest in his tribe and he's the least in his household.

But God sees it differently. God chooses to address him not for what he is now, but for what He intends for him to become.

God chooses to address me NOT for what I am now, but for what He intends for me to BECOME.

WOW!!!

What 'Other People' think

2008-09-14T21:11:00.003+08:00

Here's an e-newsletter which I found interesting and encouraging. Just bear with some of the language used.

=====
What 'Other People' Think.

"Use the talents you possess, for the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except the best" - Henry Van Dyke.

Good one, Henry. Are you afraid of sounding bad? Scared that someone might criticize your lack of talent? Worried what 'other people' will say about you?

If so, you are a loser, pure and simple, give yourself a slap around the head and, as my mother would say to me when I did something stupid, 'wake up to yourself!'

Who are these 'other people' anyway? And why is it that people live their lives caring about what 'other people' think. Can you imagine being a bird sitting up a tree and not singing because you thought the sparrow in the next tree would laugh, or tell the 'other birds' how bad a chirper you were.

It doesn't matter how good or bad you are as long as your are 'having a go'. You can only improve with time. Time is going to pass anyway, no matter how you choose to use it. You can sit there and do nothing or you can improve your talents. Who cares if you sound bad at the moment. Every guitar player at one time or another sounded like shit. In a years time you will be one year older, that's for sure. But will you be a better musician?

And as for those 'other people', tell them to go to hell.

See ya next time

John Stockwell

before I die I want to...

2008-09-09T11:28:00.003+08:00

Before I die I want to...
(http://beforeidieiwantto.org/)

I was really amazed and intrigued by this photo archive site containing polaroid snapshots of people with their "Before I die I want to..." lines.

Make me think about what will I say when that question is posted before me (and that I'm given a handful of seconds to answer):

For now it will be this: Before I die I want to be an exceptional musician who positively influences the lives I come across.

After you have come up with that statement, take a step back and discern it carefully - does it really outline the purpose and dreams for your life? And if you really do get there or somewhere near there, are you deeply satisfied?

Sometimes I wonder why wait till the notion of death/end of the line before thinking about such things, when you can do/work on them now? Perhaps it's the sense of urgency invoked. Therefore, it will be tremendously helpful if one can find passion, drive and motivation to work intentionally and diligently towards those dreams and ambition, without having to wait till the dire hour.

the few best things vs the many other good things

2008-09-03T09:09:00.003+08:00

Finished reading 70% of John C. Maxwell's "Your Road Map for Success" and I am very convicted and passionate about developing my potential to see my dreams and ambition fulfilled and to help others along the way.

Other than being an obedient and loving child and servant of God, if you ask me what I really, really, really want to do, it just boils down to 2 things: (and these are subject to God's will)

1. being an exceptional Blues guitarist
2. being an RSAF Apache pilot

I have to hang on for the 2nd one because the recruitment officer advised me (during my previous interview) to finish up my undergraduate studies before applying and committing to them. So when I finish up my last paper, I'm gonna apply again...and as usual, it is for real.

Honestly, I'm so passionate about no. 1 that I'm willing to forsake and forgo TV time, movies, gaming time, shopping and chocolates (to save up for an electric guitar). All these things being let go gives me the much needed time and resources to focus on what I'm passionate about.

In life, you can either be a "Jack of all trades, master of none" or you can be a "Jack of few trades, master of one". With determination and tenacity, we can do virtually anything, but we cannot do everything.

I think in so many aspects of our lives (work, school, ministry, relationships), we ought to define and discover that which matters most and focus on them, without being ignorant of the peripherals. If we don't, we may find ourselves easily bogged down with the countless good things (ie. things which we can do, but doesn't really achieve our purpose) and be frequently stressed out and sometimes frustrated.

If we don't define and strive towards where we want to go or see ourselves at, we will drift and be swept around by the things around us.

Being focused on music has indeed opened up more avenues of interaction amongst peers and friends (fellow musicians), but sometimes it seems to leave others out of conversations (ie. they think we're speaking Greek).

Enough of mediocrity...

=====

Last night I happened to scroll back to some of my older posts of 2006 and am reminded that I've officially started learning that 6-string instrument about 2 years ago. From the posts, I've discovered that I have progressed and improved in skill because I firmly decided and made it a point to work on things beyond my skill (step out of my comfort zone) - which eventually led to today's playing standard.

(I'm going into the technical details here...pardon me...)

Last time I had to work of chords like C, F, B7. Now, I'm working on:

- the pentatonic minor scale, and breaking out of the box pattern
- left hand muting (using fingers)
- left hand partial barring (ie. not all 6 strings; using the 'paw' of my finger)
- alternate/economy picking techniques
- sourcing for a Fender American standard stratocaster and building up funds to get it

=====

Yes...me birthday is around de corner...me don't really need no presents...me actually need funds in order to get de electric geetar...hahaaa...

2008-08-29T10:14:00.000+08:00

It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”

Theodore Roosevelt
“Citizenship in a Republic,”
Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910

simplifying my life...

2008-08-25T14:08:00.002+08:00

Seriously, I have very little tolerance running all over the place and ending up accomplishing very little or nothing at all.

I'm beginning to learn that some things can be simplified to improve effectiveness and efficiency, while others being complex in nature (like physics, rocket science, human emotion) should remain the way they are.

There is indeed a balance to strike between focusing all on a few and spreading out what you have on many. And wisdom comes from knowing when to execute what depending on the occasion or situation.

I've de-cluttered some aspects of my life and still in the process of tidying up things further. If you ask me what I want to do, there's a high likelihood that whatever that comes out will be things which I really want to do (ie passion, ambition, dreams, etc), rather than mere superficial desires.

I'm starting to taste the fruit of some of my labour here and there, but one thing I must ensure is that I stay humble and teachable. Thinking I'm gloriously superb and all will only ensure that my next fall will be a hard one...

the little things that slowly add up...

2008-08-13T09:04:00.002+08:00

I'm using a bit of maths and simple algebra to explain this...

X: watching TV, surfing the net, playing computer games, etc
Y: full 3 years = 1095 days = 26 280 hours

If you do X for 2 hours a day, for 36 years...you will have spent Y.
If you do X for 2.5 hours a day, for 28.8 years, you will have spent Y.
If you do X for 3 hours a day, for 24 years, you will have spent Y.

Putting in specific examples and complete sentencing:

If we watched TV 2.5 hours everyday, for 28.8 years (say from ages 5 to 34), we would have spent enough time to complete a full-time, 3 year degree course.

I mean full-time as in with full day lessons, with free time and holidays inside.

No wonder being organised and informed about what we do in life goes a long, long way...

focus...

2008-08-08T08:54:00.002+08:00

Seriously, it's very hard to live in a world where people and cultures are performance-oriented - where numbers and figures matter the most.

Even though the numbers can be used as indicators of performance, judging performance based on the figures is inadequate.

My point is that we sometimes we try so hard to do so many things that at the end of the day, we accomplish very little things of significant worth. We rush through things, we get over-stressed, we get tense and uptight and when things go wrong, we curse, we blame, we criticize.

I still remember the 1st semester of my 2nd year. All in all, it was seriously a mad rush. Exam results were great nevertheless, but honestly, I felt that too many other things were sacrificed just for the academic gold rush. Time spent with God, with family, friends and myself, hobbies, passions, and all, were pushed (if not shoved) aside.

I was always trying to make ends meet academically. Trying to stay on the balls of my feet, not wanting to let myself down. I was a performance-freak!

Fast forward to this day.

I've learnt countless lessons on time and life management from peers, experiences and the role models around me.

I am finite. God is infinite. I should let Him have His way - so that He'll do the 99% and I'll do the 1% (or my best, so to speak). And not the other way around. Not to take charge of everything and then slot God into any space left available.

His yoke is easy and His burden is light.

Living in constant surrender and submission to Him seems to be the most pleasurable way to live life.

My days of saying 'yes' to almost everything is over. I have to leave that behind. I cannot take on the whole world. Thinking I'm a superhuman (which I sometimes do) is mere suicide.

So, to be specific, here's an outline (not exhaustive, though) of my edited lifestyle changes:

1. God
- constantly soaking in His presence, talking to Him
- spending quality time with Him early in the morning everyday (at least 30min)

2. Church
- cell: building them up, being there for them, walking through life with them
- leaders' cell: peer-to-peer accountability
- prayer ministry: interceding for God's Kingdom, for our generation, for our schools

3. Family
- spending more time at home for meals together
- being more open and expressive in communication

4. Friends
- catching up with them and being a blessing to them

5. Personal
- 1 hour guitar practice everyday (at least)
- 2 evening jogs every week (at least)
- shut down computer at 11pm (on weekdays) and sleep before midnight
- alternate dinner fasts
- acoustic jamming sessions with Roy (frequency to be decided)

the awful truth about TV

2008-08-05T13:16:00.003+08:00

I don't really watch TV, but I know of countless of others who do - and even do it "for a living" - as in live off it.

After reading this, I'm really awakened by the devastating truths about that innocent looking piece of furniture.

You should read this too...(it's in PDF format)

http://www.trashyourtv.com/ebooks/ATATV.pdf

un-bear-able joke?

2008-07-29T22:53:00.001+08:00

God, the workplace and me...

2008-07-18T13:21:00.003+08:00

The more I get acquainted with the working environment and the nature of the workplace itself - the less I must look elsewhere and the more I must look at God Himself.

I shouldn't even find incentive to focus on the strengths and good qualities of others or myself - not that it isn't good but it isn't the best thing. People can be unpredictable and I can fall or stumble at times.

But God is perfect always.

The more I walk into the workplace, the more I must go closer to God. Staying put leads to stagnation and anything else implies succumbing to the things of this world.

Such issues CANNOT be negotiated.

It's either you stay on God's side or move over to theirs.

The more I want to bless others and be of godly influence to them, the more I need to draw strength and empowerment from the Holy Spirit. Anything else means I'll eventually run on empty and then start being selfish and start taking things for granted.

In the light of God's awe, consuming fire and presence. I cannot afford to stay still. I have to run to Him. Staying still in itself is a mockery of the goodness of Christ and running away (or elsewhere) is merely mocking our Lord.

I constantly strive to see myself from eternity's perspective.

Excellent academic credentials, a wonderful career, fat paycheques, luxurious sedans, a spacious abode, a beautiful spouse, a well-groomed beagle, an established gigging band or acoustic duet, etc. All of them will eventually fade away in the light of eternity.

Having them is alright. Hoarding them is wrong. Holding back is destructive. Letting go, giving and surrendering is excellent and praiseworthy stewardship. Being obsessed with and by them is missing the point of living.

I just want to be God's wholehearted obedient child...

muah's name

2008-07-15T10:01:00.000+08:00

苏 sū: revive; resurrect
伟 wěi: large; great
祥 xiáng: auspicious (favorable); propitious (benevolent)

Hmm...to bring forth revival, be a blessing and declare God's abundance...now I'm getting even a clearer picture of my calling...

it starts with me

2008-07-13T21:27:00.003+08:00

I've been concerned about our affluent generation being too contented with what we have, taking things for granted, living with a happy-go-lucky attitude, shying from adversity, craving for things of this world.

Instead of merely whining, complaining and talking about it, I'm glad I'm doing something about it - that's why I'm into my alternate-dinner fast.

I plan to fast from alternate dinners beyond this 40-day-prayer-and-fasting season.

Reason? I want this to be part of my lifestyle rather than a one-off event.

And I'm doing this:
[1] so that the cash surpluses can go towards blessing those who are in need
[2] as a form of intercession against the spirit and stronghold of materialism and over-indulgence that has plagued this generation

In the process of this, I'm looking through my life to see ways in which I can cut down or eliminate unnecessary consumption and use of resources - so my capacity for giving to others can be stretched.

A mental calculation revealed to me that if I continue this alternate-dinner fast for 1 year, the cash surplus will be $720. I'm just amazed at how much this amount can benefit, bless and enrich others just by me making adjustments here and there in my lifestyle.

=====

The throneroom of God.

It helps to bring everything you have in life into the throneroom of heaven.

Imagine if God brought you back to the heavenlies right now. What aspects of your life will melt and fade away? What will remain and be purified?

GY mentioned to me that doing this while we are still on earth will be way much easier compared to it happening when we die.

It's easier to strip of the not-necessary things and stuff in your life while you're still living than to see them melt away in God's presence when you bring all of them into heaven.

It's about the Kingdom mentality. That we are made for eternity. And that only things of eternity are worthy and truly valuable.

Which brings us back to the stewardship of our lives. How are we living our lives in the light of Jesus' death on the Cross? How are we living our lives in view of the Kingdom and eternity?

Hahaha....suddenly the television, the noise, the sights and sounds, the computer, the money, the job, the reputation, the want's, etc slowly fade away....

...we weren't made for this world. We are made for the eternal Kingdom of God.

Many things happening, much to learn and experience

2008-06-30T00:01:00.003+08:00

Everglow Camp.

I didn't expect the bonding within the committee to be so strong that whenever I see them in the post-camp light, it still feels like we still running the camp itself.

One amazing thing I took home from the camp was the ability to exercise and see the value and potential in being consistent in things.

Lessons learnt. Not merely about spiritual climaxes nor emotional highs but the willingness to keep the fire burning even when the 'mountain-top' experiences are over. That we'll still run the race and stay true to our commitments and convictions even when people or things tell us to do otherwise.

Friendships. Not merely restricted to roles, responsibilities nor context. If we became friends in Everglow, we are friends in church, in the hawker center or anywhere else. And we'll keep it that way! ;)

Eye for details. Better to over-check than to under-check. Don't assume nor presume. Even God works with the details - cells, molecules, electrons, positrons, quarks, etc - and He's wonderful at it. It's the details which power the bigger picture. Just like the individual pixels which make up the entire image.

=====

God's supernatural amendment of fractured friendships.

Recently, I've experienced the 2nd occurence of this. I can only stand in awe that God is One who will work and move at His perfect timing. That if you surrender anything to God, be prepared to be blown away.

Just as I was close to forsaking and giving up on a friendship, God came to the rescue. Could it be because I casually asked God to fix it if possible, even without much hope nor enthusiasm? On the brink of walking away, I thought that perhaps this was the way to avoid future or further conflicts and rough scrapping between the both of us.

Not really a cold war per se. But something like "let's talk only if there's a need to" and "flee from existing social setting if necessary to avoid 'weirdness'".

But now I'm able to look at the person in the eye when conversing. Previously I talk with my shield before me and sword in its shieve, but now I've somehow left my defences behind and extended myself in the interaction process - the way true friends do it.

Hmmm....I still don't understand the reason for this happening...but it's supernatural and good, for sure...

=====

The band.

5 of us. And I don't think we'll be calling ourselves "The Rubber Band".

Yes, I'm enthusiastic and excited about it, but I'm concerned about the intricate details of it all. It's one thing to move ahead and be willing to learn along the way (this is a GOOD thing), but it's another thing to plan well, forsee the things you will encounter and estimate the costs.

Even though our scheduled first meet up and jam session is more like "see-how-it-goes", but I have to be firm with fellow members that it is something that we are SERIOUSLY going into. Yep, it's a commitment...

All in all, I'm truly grateful and humbled that we are willing to do something about our musical talents - to take it to a higher level and to be open to learn new stuff along the way. I'm not sure how things will be like, but I'm sure it will be challenging, stretching, enriching and eye-opening.

Onward to our first meet-up then!

commitment to the bloody surrender

2008-06-09T22:34:00.005+08:00

2 Cor 12:9-10 - But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Usually when I read the above 2 verses I see them both as God's strength being perfected in our weaknesses. But today He's showing that to me in a different light.

When we become more Christlike, other than being transformed into His image and bearing characteristics more and more like Him, another thing you can be sure is that you are gonna face insults, hardships, persecutions, difficulties, etc like He did.

Facing these like He did is not a bad thing, but neither is it easy. But one can ALWAYS choose to do things OTHERWISE. Obedience is a choice. If it is forced, it is not obedience, it is obligation.

In the fellowship of brothers and sisters in Christ, I have seen countless fall away because they choose NOT to follow His ways. And the choice is very much clear - you follow Him completely or you don't. Anything less than a wholehearted desire to follow Him is as good as losing yourself to this world.

But those who choose to obey the call and walk the path faithfully deserve my utmost honor and respect. These are the people who bleed, sweat and tear on the "road marked with suffering". As I learn to journey on the road of bloody surrender, I realise that death is something very normal.

Die to yourself.
Die to your desires.
Die to your time and resources.
Die to the world.
Die for Christ.

Putting away all the externalities and superficialities, I realise too that the sweat, blood and tears of sincere service and faithfulness is indeed very valuable and precious in God's eyes. And as I draw closer to Him, I too value these more in my fellow comrades in service.

In the past I would think they are crazy people with no life. People who just didn't know how to take things easy and relax. People with too much things to do reflecting some sort of bad time management.

But once I step into similar shoes, pick up my arms and charge into the frontlines with them, I then realise the BEAUTY of COMMITMENT.

Honestly, I'm very sensitive physically, emotionally and spiritually to the word, "Commitment". Not because I can boast that I have it all, but it's something that I desire to have more of and something I really treasure, respect and honor.

Commitment is when you want something, you walk towards it and keep walking towards it till you get it. Anything less is bears no commitment at all.

=====

Last Friday evening was indeed a very difficult period for me.

In short, someone seemed to challenge my leadership position, forced words into my face in front of others and offered some not-really constructive advice/suggestions (on impulse).

I haven't been infuriated in a very long time. And when I do, it is either [1] the person is very "skilled" or [2] the situation is darn critical.

It seriously and literally felt like a spear was lunged into my heart. On the way home, my emotions were really cracked up - on top of feeling exhausted from the weeks' activities.

I was close to the brink of retaliation, which I glad I did not. Instead I did something drastic on the train ride home. Rather than spending time emo-ing and over-questioning God why this was happening, I choose to bless the person in God's name. I choose to forgive the person despite my current state of mind and emotions. I will still lay down my life for that person (to honor an old commitment).

I was trying to picture the scene when Jesus was mocked, spat at and flogged by Roman legionnaires. I could have hurled my spear at that person; Jesus could have just dumped those soldiers in hell. But He choose to forgive them. He choose to let go.

It's kind of interesting because some weeks back I was teaching a lesson on forgiveness - that it just boils down to our own personal choice. Others can do WHATEVER they want, but the choice on how to respond is up to us.

back to pushing pixels

2008-06-05T17:16:00.008+08:00

Honestly and sincerely speaking, I've missed doing graphic design. And the past few tasks assigned to me for my project really got me back to it once again.

Playing around with fonts, colors, shapes, shades, transparency settings, stock photography, and other image/graphic manipulation software and techniques seem to teach me that the skills and talents given to me by God is supposed to be harnessed and used.

If I have kept quiet when our group was facing certain design and publicity needs, this skill set of mine would have not be further developed and our company's (fictitious one, though) image would have been less professional.

Nuff said...here's what I did the past week for design and publicity...

Now, I'll be working on the "company's" website....

drawing closer to God...

2008-05-21T21:29:00.003+08:00

Already in week 3 of the "holidays". It always seems that whenever I choose to surrender my holidays to God, He will somehow or rather place activities, responsibilities or commitments which will occupy me.

God can align my activities so smoothly they just come one after the other.

The wonderful feeling of submitting to the TRUTH that His ways are higher than mine.

With these in mind, I'm attempting to go a level higher. Usually, we'll find something truly fulfilling and rewarding on hindsight (after everything's over), but I'm deliberately asking God to open up my eyes and heart to enjoy the process itself.

I find it an amazing and supernatural feat to be able to stand still, with calmness in heart and composure in mind, to just give thanks to God in the midst of adverse trail, testing and pressure.

I have experienced such feats personally and that feeling is...way beyond myself. Because it's not my strength nor my human nature that enables me to do so, but the very One who engineered all things to be in its place.

It's just like rather than tapping on your own engine, you're drawing your energy from ultra-generators - and this illustration itself is merely an understatement of what God can do through us.

When we are truly drawing strength from God (branches abiding in the true vine), we are then able to view such tough circumstances as OPPORTUNITIES for growth, refining, maturity, purification, etc. And when we are able to see that, our perspective and attitude changes. And then we are one step closer to God's intended abundant life for us.

Another thing to note is that this drawing-closer-to-God truth is a day-to-day practice and habit which the children of God are entitled to. If it's merely a one-off thing, then it defeats the purpose of God desiring to have fellowship with us.

So, let's draw closer to God...and KEEP drawing closer. The only thing that ULTIMATELY determines how much you can have of God is yourself.

Wanting to step out of comfort zone is one thing, to stay with it is another...

2008-05-08T01:09:00.002+08:00

I've heard too many times phrases like, "No action, talk only", "Actions speaks louder than words", "You say so much got use or not? You want then go and do lah.."

Yeah...mere talk doesn't get the business done.

Last week or so, I've made a firm, informed and convicted decision to be willing and intentional in stepping out of my comfort zones during the post-exam holidays. And that means, doing (radical) things which I rarely do normally, trying out new stuff, seeking God for direction and obeying His voice, etc.

Last Friday was my last paper and on that day there was cell. So I spent most of it (even though was extremely sleep-deprived) preparing for cell - according to what I sensed and heard from God.

Saturday was a sleep-in during the earlier part of the day, then I met up with my bro before church service. After church was dinner and an eventual dessert.

Sunday was at my grandparents' place for a pre-Mother's day get-together. Honestly I was quite reluctant to go in the first place.

And Monday...Monday onwards was my EID (Engineering Innovative Design) project where my groupmates and I returned back to school to come up with innovative and creative design solutions - all in the name of technopreneurship.

The bottomline is that I haven't exactly got my fair share of post-stress and exams rest. But that's where the stretching comes in.

Sure, there will be some who say that I better have my rest before I explode or break down. But for this case, that isn't the point. I still have enough sleep here and there, but I'm keeping myself on the move - planning ahead, scheduling in advance, micromanaging my resources, assessing situations and circumstances.

And the reason why I'm doing this is so that [1] I will be challenged and stretched and forced to step out of the confines of my comfort zones and perceived limitations and [2] I will cause myself to have an eventful, happening, purposeful and fruitful holiday.

The last thing I want is to revert back to the old, slacking mode. Rotting and stoning all day long. Staring at the TV and computer screen. Arghh...the mere thought of it disturbs me.

Yeah...and after the EID (which ends around early June), comes the youth JC-poly-ITE-campus camp (which I'm involved in) and an NTU outreach project (which is still in it's planning phase). More details to be released soon.

Also, cell's going to be way more challenging and exciting - with designated times for accountability and sharing of testimonies, challenges and experiences of walking with God.

All of these are possible, when you want more of Him and you make sure you REALLY want more...and nothing but more...

Bluntly Speaking 5

2008-04-21T22:51:00.002+08:00

Modern Disease: The Myopic Lifestyle
===========================

After the examinations, phewww....Glad it's over right? Then you have plans for a wonderful vacation - doing things which you really wanted, travel to exotic locales, chill out and all.

So what's next?

"What do you mean 'What's next?'?", you exclaim. You might think that having all those holiday programmes means that you have it all. You're not entirely right.

The problem or issue I realise is that we can't really see far in our lives. Yes, we have big dreams and colossal ambitions, but if you examine the concrete plans (as a form of EVIDENCE), in order to get those dreams and ambitions going, you'll see a sad picture.

So, effectively, it's mainly much talk, much imagination, much brainstorming, but little action.

We have to ask ourselves what are we really gaining from the plans we make. Are we really placing people or places into transformation? Are we really making a difference? Is there any lasting significance in all these?

Or are we merely going through the motions? Following the crowd, doing stuff because it's popular or cool? Or indulging in stuff, just to unwind?

What are we doing with our lives?

Here's some stuff every Christian should know:
- He's saved in the mighty name of Jesus
- He's made for a purpose
- He has unlimited power and potential with God's backing

Of course, you know these things. But where's the EVIDENCE of a purpose-filled life in you? Where's the FRUIT of the things you are doing?

I'm sick and tired of hearing people, JUST getting involved in these, during the holidays:
- food
- slacking
- games
- movies
- parties
- clubbing
- shopping
- generating cash

There's nothing wrong in doing the stuff listed above. But it's gonna be effectively fruitless if we JUST do that.

There must be more than these...

On top of the above-listed items, we are made for:
- fruitfulness
- abundance
- spiritual warfare
- being a significant blessing to others
- being different from the world
- setting Godly standards and benchmarks
- bringing forth breakthrough and revivals in areas of strongholds and strangleholds
- eternity
- bringing heaven unto earth

If you want a holiday you will never forget, try a combination of these...

STOP:
- playing church and cell
- indulging in the things of this world
- pleasing man
- watering down the truth of God's Word
- wallowing in depression
- squirming in complaining, negativity
- taking things for granted

START:
- praying and fasting intentionally (without waiting for formal/organised ones)
- seeking God earnestly
- pleasing God
- asking God for greater hunger and thirst for Him
- repenting and turning away from all your sins/unrighteousness
- comparing yourself to God's standards, and not to fellow man
- giving thanks FOR all positive/good things, IN whatever bad/difficult circumstances

Yeah...going "Wow....oh, I see..." is not good enough. Go do it, and keep doing it, until you see a difference.

Letter Exchange

2008-04-16T21:39:00.003+08:00

Dear Christians,

Your examination's already begun. You need to work hard for your grades - you know it. For that dream job, that future paycheck. You know times are going to be challenging in the years to come. No one knows what the market / economy will be like when you graduate.

So what are you going to do about it?

You ought to sweat it out in your studies. It's gonna be a dog-eat-dog world out there, so you better be prepared. Only the fittest survive. And that means you shouldn't be wasting any time which does not contribute to academic achievement.

And what about this Friday outreach event?

You must be nuts. As we said earlier, you better be mugging and studying hard. You've got your modular credits to clear. If you sacrifice on your study time, it's gonna affect your exams, then your grades, then your resume, then your career. You see how the dots join?

What if you can't prepare for your papers in time? Who are you going to blame, your God? Or the people you're inviting for your so-called, "outreach"?

I know you're smart and analytical beings. So just weight the pro's and con's and place things in perspective. You know about opportunity costs, right?

So yeah...it's time for you to head back to the books cos one moment you pause means another chance for the other person to overtake you.

Sincerely,

The World

========================================================

Dear World,

We thank you for your honest opinions and ideas about our plans for our Friday outreach event. Yes, we do know that our studies are important - in fact, we are to be good stewards of our time in school, our intellect and our academic achievements - all of them to serve to glorify God.

But studies aren't everything. As believers of God, our academia is only a facet of our lives and even if we stumble and fall in our school work, that will never jeopardise or compromise God's plans and purposes for our lives.

Regarding the coming outreach event, we're doing it not because we have TOO much time or because we see our studies with inferior importance. We are doing it because we love our Chinese exchange studies as much as God loves us. And the marvel and truth of God's love is too great for us to contain ourselves that we need to share it with others as well.

Even it means sacrificing on some study time, we have faith that God will still meet our needs and will see us through the examinations. God is supernatural. He can multiply richly even the smallest of all human inputs in any situation.

We may be squeezed and taxed for time in this exam season, but that doesn't mean we don't trust God to move and work sovereignly in our lives. In fact, we are strongly praying and asking that His presence will be so real, strong and tangible on that day that our invited guests will feel His immense love for them.

Everyone's invited - even you folks - because Jesus died for EVERYONE - including you and me. So, if you're able, you can set aside some time out from your studies and come visit us. Details will be sent to you shortly.

Lastly, remember that God loves you always!

God bless!

Regards,

Lovers of God
Sons and daughters of the Most High
NTU Cell

Clique-kishness

2008-04-12T04:36:00.003+08:00

The upside about being clique-ky (okay...i shall just call it 'clicky') is that the bonds forged within the group are reinforced each time round. Members within the clique will soon feel comfortable to be themselves - to share their heart-felt concerns, to give and receive honest feedback, to poke fun of others, to gossip (muahaa), etc.

This clique then becomes a very powerful entity in the larger community. Mobilise the clique and things will be effectively and efficiently done.

What I'm concerned with is that being too attached to a particular clique can have certain social drawbacks in some scenarios.

I've seen them at play in school and in church.

Lemme give an example.

A particular cell member of mine invited my cell over to her church's party - chill-out style, with live band performances and snacks all over the house. We went and we enjoyed ourselves, surely.

But as I was walking away from that place after saying the "good-byes" and such, I quickly went through what we did socially, and realised that it could have been better.

Honestly speaking, if not for the live bands and the outgoing MC, the atmosphere would have been much stiffer and less conducive for interaction.

But even with the background music playing, people (like myself, some of us and some others from other invited churches) still decided to stay within our cliques. Nothing wrong with that. But it could have been better.

I guess I'm in no position to pass judgement, but nevertheless, I'll criticise in manners as constructive and loving as possible.

(I struggle in this area too.) I personally feel that interacting with others will improve our interpersonal and social skills. It will open us up to a wealth of knowledge, expertise, advice, insights, etc. Like what they said, the world's not your oyster.

But somehow, it could be that we're hindered by the fear of rejection (if they aren't receptive), fear of humiliation (if we stumble and touch the wrong topics) or fear of the unknown (what if he's a brainy rocket scientist who loves eating cod with nickel chopsticks?).

So, the quick solution? Stay within the clique? If others are seen as predators, the clique will be the massive herd - cos there's power in numbers. The clique then becomes your security blanket...very nice and cosy in there, huh?

But what about the newcomers? (now thinking as a cell leader). How about them? What if they are left unattended and un-talked to at a corner?

That's when we have to break out of our comfort zones to mingle with the new people. That's what hospitality is about. If ushers and waiters only cared about herding themselves together and not being spontaneous to respond to a customer's approach, then they would have missed the point.

So let's do our BEST, in being proactive to see the value in meeting new people from all walks of life. To see things from a different lens. To gain another opinion or a different insight. And what more, you are then presented with wonderful opportunities to share God's love with them. Not too bad, huh?

The Launch of NTU Cell's 1st prayer gathering

2008-01-14T23:13:00.001+08:00

Could this be the birth of NTU Cell's prayer ministry? Of course it can!!

Came back not too long from school. Gathered with my cellmates (Joy, Champ and La) to pray for our school, in school.

Haha...we walked around school to find a room but couldn't really find one. Thankfully, we managed to find the Bio Science's pantry room which looked conducive for prayer.

And then we went....we settled in, worshiped, shared about life and prayed for our school.

2nd radicalness of 2008: I was there at NTU Cell's first prayer gathering (or ministry, in time to come). And I'm excited about it!

Last time I was convinced my cell was stagnant and was too inward-looking. But then I prayed and asked God to work in our members' hearts and lives.

Then today, I can see my cell members committing their time and a portion of their lives praying for their school.

It's simply amazing how God works...

We covered 2 areas:

1. Thanking God for our school

- professors, teachers, deans, tutors, etc
- classmates, schoolmates, peers
- curriculum
- lectures, tutorials, assignments, projects, etc

2. Claim our place in school

- 1 Cor 15:58
- every Christian to rise up to take the place God has placed him/her in
- all to be submitted and yielded to God's calling and purpose

Hallelujah! If this continues, God is surely gonna blow me off my socks once more.

And I believe He is going too! Thank you, Lord! More of You and less of us!

first day of school...

2008-01-08T23:01:00.000+08:00

Definitely did not have enough sleep and my bio-clock's still not normal. The anticipation and adrenalin associated with the commencement of school started to wear of at around 4pm plus. From then on, I felt very sleepy...

Got back home in the evening and did what I usually do - organize the notes I just bought for the semester, sort them out into their respective files, punch holes and staple 'em.

I looked at my shelf and spotted many sets of personal lecture notes which I crafted by myself since year 1, sem 1. Thing is, I've been hoarding my personal notes for way too long already.

If I had distributed them previously, friends would have benefited from them.

1st radicalness of 2008: I decided to bundle last sem's notes neatly to pass them to my friends tomorrow.

No more hoarding of my stuff. God finally softened my heart and convinced me that blessing others with my hand-crafted notes is better than me hoarding them for myself.

Yes...I used to be very protective and defensive over them. Because I've spent long hours doing them up from scratch and I've seen them from conception to the end of the exam (for that particular subject).

So when the exam's over, I ought to pass it to someone else, in order to bless and benefit him/her.

Thank You, Lord, for that change in heart!

2007-11-11T03:58:00.000+08:00

I'm currently thinking of shifting to another blog - a private one - which only invited readers and people can view.

I've some sort of had enough of striving to be politically correct and appropriate and real ALL at the same time.

I feel more open to be vulnerable and frank to a few ears - ears which I trust and know that they'll listen.

The URL has already been set up. It's only a matter of time before I send out the invites.

Me is busy bee

2007-10-15T12:24:00.000+08:00

I've been extremely busy lately. Not that I want to, but I have no choice...

What frustrates me is that sometimes my busy schedule just eats into the time which I ought to spend with other people...as in, building relationships.

But why are there just so many things to be done?

Maybe it's the season, or the culture, or the circumstances, etc...

In the midst of chaotic running-all-around, busyness, I just hold on to 2 things (or that they are only the 2 things I can do).

1. Pray hard and much.
2. Prioritise well - do things which count.

The rest I'll just leave it to Daddy. You know, He's very powerful and is in control of all things. Heard He's able to stop time too....hahaa...

2007-10-08T00:30:00.000+08:00

Currently listening to Sonic Edge Band's: Surrender....

Just love the acoustic guitar's sound in that track.....I guess it's Marcus Wong's Gibson Hummingbird True Vintage...

Okay...back to tutorials and school work....fingers need to rest too, from all the guitar playing today.

Life...enjoying the whole process of it all...

2007-10-06T23:57:00.000+08:00

Let me talk about or confess on what I did this week so far and 2 weeks ago (my school's recess week).

For the recess week, honestly speaking, I spent only Monday and a few short afternoon slots to do my work. Other than that, its me on my computer, me on my guitar or me going out. Really.

I've never played so much guitar and enjoyed the whole musical process in this recess week as compared to this WHOLE semester. Coupled with 4 or more occasions of having 11 hours of sleep...woot!

The take-home lesson for myself is: being thick skinned - not being arrogant or rebellious, but being bold and courageous - to dare to relax and pursue my hobbies.

Because I know for many other students, the recess break is a study break for them - to catch up on tutorials, meet up for projects, to mug, etc..Nothing wrong with that, but I realized that since I'll be doing that on the rest of the normal school days, I should make an effort to enjoy myself.

Which brings me to this week. So far, minus the extremely sleepy and grumpy weekday mornings, I've been more excited and happier about living my life. WHY?

It's because I have finally made it a point to pursue my musical passion and that is something which I really want to do...So, in short, it's doing what I like.

Balance is the key. Too much or too little of something is no good. There a time for everything. And it's about daring to step out to pursue your passion.

Nice songs need not be difficult to play

2007-09-28T10:16:00.000+08:00

Collide, by Howie Day.

Capo 3.
Chords: G D/F# Em7 C ; G/B C D

Yeap. Nice songs can be pretty easy to learn. Found this one on Youtube. Reminded me when I tried playing this 1 year+ back then (when I wasn't really that confident with the instrument).

I learnt that with more experience, you gain more confidence - and you tend to have greater boldness to experiment new techniques and tricks....rather than sticking to the rigid DOWN-DOWN-UP-UP-DOWN-UP-UP-DOWN...haha...

As much as this musical ability is used to serve God, I'm beginning to see its potential value as an asset...some sort of planning for my future....like 40+ years down the road.

I'm investing in this hobby because I can forsee myself teaching younger ones how to play it, in the late future...yeap...so it's definitely a worthwhile investment, which I believe will eventually pay off.

=====

Here's a blunt question: Out of the so many hours pursuing [a hobby, interest or activity - sporting, clubbing, chilling, going out, etc], how much beneficial, constructive value have you gained out of it?

2007-09-26T14:41:00.000+08:00

Very, very honestly speaking...if you think you play your instrument well enough, or you think you know enough or you feel you're good enough...just go over to Youtube, and you'll be blown away.

My guitar playing was somehow or rather reaching its pleatau stage (if you plot out the progression graph with respect to time). So, I decided to check out Youtube...especially for instructional worship songs.

And boy, was I amazed at the amount of techniques and tricks that those people there have to offer.

I also want to learn....

And I'm way excited...

When you don't really know what to do...just pray...

2007-09-24T00:43:00.000+08:00

Praying in tongues.

Is a wonderful gift. Is a gift in which you exercise when you don't know exactly what to utter verbally in prayer. Like some sort of an intercessory panic button.

Some people forsake God. Turn back to their own ways. Indulge in worldly pleasures. Satisfying their lusts and cravings.

Hate the sin, love the sinner. Spear the sin, spare the sinner.

Sometimes, all we can do for the prodigals is to pray for them. When they are being taken hostage by the world.

I will pray for them.

I pray that God will shake them up with whatever means. That if grace, mercy, kindness, encouragement or negotiations fail, He will just rebuke and correct them with storms, pressure or circumstances.

I'm intentionally shelling the prodigals with "wake them up" prayers. They work like intercontinental ballistic missiles. Nothing can stop them.

Let's stop thinking that God can't help them. Stop being preoccupied with doing our own thing. Stop being selfish. Start looking around. Start looking beyond ourselves.

Start praying for them.

Wholeheartedly. Sincerely. Passionately. Earnestly. In our comforts or on the edge. In the business of life, in the quiet place. In tongues, in words.

James 5:16 : Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

Re-purification, re-dedication, re-commitment, re-pentance, re-storation, re-pair

2007-09-17T01:10:00.000+08:00

Here's how I would describe what I'm striving hard towards in this season of my life:

To remove the high places, smash the sacred stones, cut down the Asherah poles and burn the temples of Baal, in my life.

...enough of "going easy" with sin. Time to purge them forcefully with a militant attitude.

2 Chronicles 7:14 : If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

Gee-tar

2007-09-06T01:06:00.000+08:00

It's been some time since I grabbed my guitar and had a solid time of playing and mingling with the strings.

Because of time constraints, the most I can do is to stare at it and 'wish that I had more time to play it'.

But if I love something, I would go the extra mile to make time for it, right?

Same applies here.

Just had substantial practice time with it (not too long ago). It's nice to feel my fingers pressing hard against the bronze/nickel strings and my left palm getting cramps due challenging chord changes and stretching.

Finally, the guitar passion is getting back....hehe...

And there's more to look forward to:

dexterity training
scales and soloing
Jazz
Blues

All I have to do, is to make time for it and just get down playin' it. Woohoo!

2007-08-24T11:27:00.000+08:00

I'm going through a rough patch
Drinking the wine of adversity and eating the bread of affliction
My commitments tested, disciple refined
My willpower pounded, faith stretched

Yet few understand what I'm going through
The many battles waged in my head
Countless struggles and challenges
Many times feeling like throwing the towel

Finally realised the fragility of man's help
Some hear but never listen
Some analyse but can't understand
Some acknowledge but don't empathise

This giant hand grabbed me
Threw me around, smashed me on the ground
Shaken me up - all my desires, hopes, securities fall off
All that's left is that giant hand

That hand is God's hand
And I'm now brought to a place where it's only Him and me

=====

"Those people who just can't see the enemy coming will never understand why some are scrambling to fortify the city."

How far can you see? How distant is your vision? How wide is your perspective?

God's Generation

2007-08-22T20:23:00.000+08:00

This struck me hard and ignited my adrenalin as I read it. I hope you feel the same way too...

=====

So this guy comes up to me and says, "What's the vision? What's the big idea?" I open my mouth and words come out like this...The vision?

The vision is JESUS - obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.

The vision is an army of young people. You see bones? I see an army. And they are FREE from materialism. They laugh at 9-5 little prisons. They could eat caviar on Monday and crusts on Tuesday. They wouldn't even notice. They know the meaning of the Matrix, the way the west was won. They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations. They need no passport. People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence. They are free yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying. What is the vision? The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes. It makes children laugh and adults angry. It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars. It scorns the good and strains for the best. It is dangerously pure.

Light flickers from every secret motive, every private conversation. It loves people away from their suicide leaps, their Satan games. This is an army that will lay down its life for the cause. A million times a day its soldiers choose to lose that they might one day win the great "Well done" of faithful sons and daughters.

Such heroes are as radical on Monday morning as Sunday night. They don't need fame from names. Instead they grin quietly upwards and hear the crowds chanting again and again: "COME ON!"

And this is the sound of the underground. The whisper of history in the making. Foundations shaking. Revolutionaries dreaming once again. Mystery is scheming in whispers. Conspiracy is breathing... This is the sound of the underground.

And the army is disciplined. Young people who beat their bodies into submission. Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrade at arms. The tattoo on their back boasts, "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain." Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes. Winners. Martyrs. Who can stop them? Can hormones hold them back? Can failure succeed? Can fear scare them or death kill them?

And the generation prays like a dying man with groans beyond talking, with warrior cries, euphoric tears and with great barrow loads of laughter! Waiting. Watching: 24-7-365.

Whatever it takes they will give: Breaking the rules. Shaking mediocrity from its cozy little hide. Laying down their rights and their precious little wrongs, laughing at labels, fasting essentials. The advertisers cannot mould them. Hollywood cannot hold them. Peer-pressure is powerless to shake their resolve at late night parties before the cockerel cries.

They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive inside. On the outside? They hardly care. They wear cloths like costumes to communicate and celebrate but never to hide. Would they surrender their image or their popularity? They would lay down their very lives - swap seats with the man on death row - guilty as hell. A throne for an electric chair.

With blood and sweat and many tears, with sleepless nights and fruitless days, they pray as if all depends on God and live as if it all depends on them. Their DNA chooses JESUS. (He breaths out, they breathe in.) Their subconscious sings. They had a blood transfusion with Jesus. Their words make demons scream in shopping centres. Don't you hear them coming? Herald the weirdos! Summon the losers and the freaks. Here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes. They walk tall and trees applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension. Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden.

And this vision will be. It will come to pass; it will com easily; it will come soon. How do I know? Because this is the longing of creation itself, the groaning of the Spirit, they very dream of God. My tomorrow is his today. My distant hope is his 3D. And my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great "Amen!" from countless angels, from heroes of the faith, from Christ himself. And he is the original dreamer, the ultimate winner.

Guaranteed.

Lessons on time...

2007-08-15T16:02:00.000+08:00

Time is a very big thing to each and every one of us.

What matters is not how much years you have left in your life, but how much life you put into your years.

I've been convicted quite some time ago to live as a worthy and good steward of my time. Time management, like what many of us always hear, is more than just listing the things-to-do and arranging them according to their level of importance, but it's also about looking out for opportunities within the time you have.

One clear way to work on your time management is to minimise inefficiency.

Try to avoid wasting little pockets of time because they do add up at the end of the day. With these little pockets you can take on stuff like praying, reading for edification, or doing a quick recap and revision of your day's lessons.

Also, if you find yourself always being distracted by your own comfort zones (like me), get away from them.

Personally, my efficiency maxes out when I'm on 'foreign' ground with nothing else except the things I have to accomplish. If you always fall for temptation, flee from it next time.

One more thing. If you don't make time for something, you most likely won't have time for it.

I love school!

2007-08-09T01:23:00.000+08:00

Yeah! You might say I'm crazy...but I don't really care...coz I'm loving the fact that I'm studying - as in, having the opportunity to materialise my academic pursues.

You see, in life (or the Singaporean life), studies are inevitable. You can't avoid it. And you have to face it no matter what. Also, we should learn to treasure our school days, because people elsewhere don't enjoy the same thing as we do.

So, you can either choose to scrape your way through, or you can enjoy the entire experience of it all. Both ways will still get you to your destination, but the difference is in what you take home during the whole ride.

You can choose to sulk and do whatever that's enough. You put in the minimal, required effort. You fold your arms, take the corner seat, close your eyes and hope that the journey will be over soon.

Or you can choose to put in your utmost into whatever that comes your way - despite how you might feel about it. You do it wholeheartedly for God and you hold nothing back. Even if you don't succeed (in terms of grades, results, or man's expectations), you know that you have already done your best and that is pleasing to God. You open your eyes to the opportunities during the ride, you choose to enjoy it.

I'm sure we will all graduate at the end of the day. But that's not the end of the story. We still have to ask ourselves:

how much have we taken home from the journey?
how much have we grown/matured?
how much have we done which truly counts?
how many have been blessed during our journey?
etc...

The choice in yours...

The Rubber hits the Road

2007-08-05T17:54:00.000+08:00

School starts for the NTU people tomorrow.

Whether I like it or not, I'll have to face it.

"What you face in life is decided by God, but HOW you face it is entirely up to you."

The past few months have been moments of crafting out my vision for my life and being aware of my purpose for living. The true test of them all starts tomorrow.

I'm stepping back into my academic life with a vision, with purpose, with conviction and awareness that I'm doing all these for God.

And I have faith that God will see me through it all.

But feelings wise, I'm terribly scared. I feel I'm not ready for it yet. I feel that I won't make it as well as before.

But feelings are merely feelings...

Old Photos

2007-08-01T18:06:00.000+08:00

Was clearing up my room and stumbled upon our old family photo albums. Haha...many of the pics have faded. Here's 2 of them...

Man...that was really, really a long time ago...

Okay...so a vision's important...really

2007-08-01T13:42:00.000+08:00

School starts next week. And I'm feeling kind of worried, anxious and a little fearful. Thinking of the hectic schedule, the impending workloads, and the commitments up my sleeve the next semester makes me wanna dig a trench and hide in it for good.

But I realise that these emotions and feelings aren't everything.

Thing is, to survive the road ahead, I've got to stay focused on my destination. Many times it's easy to lose track of things and wonder off course, only to realise that you've wasted so much time wandering about while you should have spent that time moving on.

My life vision is: To live wholeheartedly and passionately for God, being sharp and sensitive in effectiveness, walking intimately with Him and experiencing His abundance.

My core values are: Discipline, Diligence, Discernment, Passion, Faithfulness, Humility and Integrity.

To tell you the truth, and nothing but the truth, I am ready to die for my vision.

I know this vision is something that will hold me through and help me look beyond my circumstances in the days to come.

Thinking about the reason why I came up with all this actually gives me the conviction and empowerment to strive to live the way God intended me to live. I know I can never rely on emotional highs and sometimes, people because all these will falter.

But one thing I'm sure of is God Himself. He's the One who is faithful and omnipotent even till the very end of time.

So what's your purpose and/or vision?

Bluntly Speaking 4

2007-07-28T12:55:00.000+08:00

Please WAKE UP
============

Please look beyond yourself. Please think of your pastors and leaders who are working so hard. You think it's easy to manage people, you think it's easy to prepare for cell, you think it's easy to be forgiving and gracious to you? Think again.

I'm pretty sick and tired of stupid, shitty excuses here and there already.

God is the Almighty - the Most High. He deserves your everything. And you think your excuse is justifiable? Wake up, lah!

You know, people who come to church dragging their feet, people who switch off during the sermon, people who come because of friends, people who take God's grace for granted - I've had enough of these kind of people.

I know everyone have struggles and very big challenges in life.

But do you think the leaders have none? Do you think the leaders have a smooth-sailing voyage all year long? THINK AGAIN.

Leaders struggle with their work, their academic lives, their family commitments, and do you think they deserve your lukewarm and lackluster attitude?

Definitely not.

I pray that God will reveal your heart to you. That He will shake you, stir you up and wake up your idea.

I've been guilty of this before. And honestly speaking, I'm more than willing to be disciplined - no matter how severe or strict it is.

It's time you should too.

Starbucks Tumbler Design 1

2007-07-28T01:31:00.001+08:00

Oh, yeah...in Korea I bought this tumbler which has a screw-cap at its base to allow me to slot in my own designs. I thought it was cool to put my graphic design skills back to play...haha.

So, this is what I've came up with. Used mainly Illustrator. Do expect more designs to come, as the heavenly Father pours out His inspiration into me. =)

2007-07-25T13:39:00.000+08:00

You know...if you start to:

look beyond yourself,
claim authority from Jesus to rise above your circumstances,
view failure as stepping stones toward success,
have a vision worth dying for,
do things with passion and conviction,
correct your intentions and motives,
humble yourself,
be sensitive,
seek God with all you've got,
be still and wait upon Him,
make Him the first priority and not the last resort,
widen your perspective,
stand up for your faith,
etc...

...you'll start to live life differently. Very, very, very differently.

God is really real...

2007-07-22T15:32:00.000+08:00

Yesterday during service, God spoke to me through the programme, the flow of events, the worship and a brother's testimony with regards to my previous blog entry "Bluntly Speaking 3".

A very long time ago, I was actually wondering if God is real, could He send me an SMS? But this time, He responded to my blog entry and I knew for certain that He's really real....as simple as that.

I myself can see and feel God working mightily and sovereignly in my life after I decided to make an intentional, conscious effort to seek Him with all I am.

Holding nothing back in our service, ministry and worship unto God is something which He desires.

I'm tired and sleepy, yet I choose to wake up early to pray.
We're doing our own things, chatting about stuff, yet we decided to stop everything to seek God.
I will normally go ahead with my work, but I stopped in my tracks to talk to God.
I choose to make it a point to pray.
I intentionally seek God, not due to events or circumstances.

13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29

Bluntly Speaking 3

2007-07-21T10:33:00.000+08:00

It's the heart, not the song
===================

I'm simply tired and quite sick of the fact that you avoid some worship songs because you either don't like them or they're 'over-used' in certain context.

Well, let me tell you. It's the heart that matters, not the song. I'm sure you know that, but head knowledge is not enough. It's gotta be proven in your thought processing and actions.

And if you think that only certain formula or method or style is suitable to worship God, you're so wrong. If you think that this way works because you're comfortable with it, you're also wrong.

How much does your worship cost you? If it costs you nothing, then you won't be giving your best.

I've struggled with certain songs which I rather avoid, but if it's about God (and it should be), then so be it. I'm sick and tired of being stuck in programmes and structure that limit and constrict my freedom to worship God.

"If the Son has set you free, you are free indeed." How free are you? A lot? A little? Or you just don't wanna talk about it?

Programmes are fine, but if you're placing them higher in priority than God Himself, you better watch out.

I've enough of your bullshit.

I hate your ways, but I still love you. Sorry if I sound harsh, but this is something which I have to make a stand for. God deserves to be worshipped wholeheartedly. I'm just defending this.

Accountability

2007-07-13T23:44:00.000+08:00

I think accountability is a very powerful thing.

For myself, even though there's an extra layer of responsibility and obligation involved (which isn't really the point), there's an attached sense of ownership and empowerment in it too.

That when I tell a close friend that I'm gonna accomplish this by this time, I feel in myself a constructive and positive sense of urgency to get it done. Not that I'm doing it to please him but I'm doing it to uphold my core value of integrity.

=====

Somehow or rather after the entire Korea experience, I return home, not feeling the emotional / spiritual high's, but with greater ownership and expectation of what I can do with my life.

Like I'm more willing to surrender, sacrifice and to be stretched for God. To experience His faithfulness and to be living the abundant life which He intended me to live.

As I planned my school timetable, I know it's scarier as compared to last sem's but I feel assured and certain that it's not all about my studies, but about God.

Not negligence or ignorance, but surrender and submission unto Him.

=====

And I don't know why I have this feeling like something GREAT is gonna happen....

The Night Scene of Korea (this cafe has internet access, that's why)

2007-07-01T22:05:00.000+08:00

Hey folks...right now in Korea.

The rest of the group went earlier to visit some fish market. I decided not to join them because I desperately needed to catch up on my rest.

After 1.5 hours of nap, I woke up refreshed and energised. At first, I decided to just explore the vicinity. I walked and walked, pass a police station at a cross-junction (just in case I got lost). Then suddenly, the adrenalin to be more adventurous kicked in.

I braced myself and tried to take the Korean subway.

I roughly got an idea of how their track and station system worked from their map layout. Next, I asked a local how to get to certain stations with shopping malls and all that, so she roughly explained to me in English (which was definitely a remakable effort).

Got out of the station and walked down the street, checking out their nightlife. From what I enquired from the other locals, shopping locations close at 10pm. So what's left right now are mostly convenience stores. And they have soooo many of them.

Okay...I gotta go. Cya all in Singapore soon!

Current station: Kyungsung University
Destination station: Centum City
Track/Line: Jangsan (green line)

Back from Varsity Camp...

2007-06-28T16:52:00.000+08:00

The one very 'trademark' thing about our varsity camps is the time where people will sit around with guitars and play and sing along side one another.

And that's one of the very things which I look forward to, for each varsity camp. (not to say that the other activities are inferior, or what...)

It's been around 1 year plus since the day I started learning the guitar.

The days of:

getting the chord fingerings right
trying to play songs which I really love
figuring out the rhythm (strumming patterns)
seating and awing at how other people play sooooo well

This time round, I got to awe at how people like Pastor John or Marcus run their fingers down the fretboard.

As for myself, it's always a learning journey. And ever since I made it a point/goal/ambition to play well in that instrument, I never fail to recognise people I can learn from and absorb some tips and techniques from them.

Whenever I see someone with superior playing skills, it gives me the drive to improve and to better myself. Not to make myself look good, but to enhance my ability to express myself through music as well as to be able to pass down skills to people who want to learn as well.

I never knew I could teach people the guitar...

I'm seeing that the will to stretch your playing abilities and the conviction to learn beyond what you already know is paying off. In the coming months, I expect to see myself roughing out with the scales for soloing, in Jazz and Blues, and more dextrous finger techniques.

Just do your best, and God will handle the rest

2007-06-19T16:39:00.000+08:00

So many times I worry. I speculate and formulate the various possible scenarios and respective consequences attached.

My mind tries to 'foresee' whatever that may happen if I do this or do that.

Whether its my service/ministry for God, studies, family, church, relationships, there's just so much we can do.

The rest I'll have to leave it to God.

I remember many months back when I was still attending my guitar lessons at church. After the morning lessons, the students headed out for lunch. And many of them are adults.

Full of wisdom and insight.

At my table was Uncle Albert who is probably in his 50's. A husband and a father with lots of experience in life.

In the midst of the strings of sentences and phrases exchanged, this came out (something like), "What should I do about the important decisions in life?"

His answer?

Do whatever you can do. Whatever you cannot do, let God handle it.

You can't control:

whether a particular person gives you acceptance or rejects you
what your employers think of you
whether some folks will return to church or not
what other people do with their lives

But all that we can't control, God can.

So, let's leave those to Him.

2007-05-29T21:25:00.000+08:00

Because of my brother's extremely poor results, he's banned from the computer on weekdays.

[If I ever see him slacking and wasting his life away on that machine, I'm gonna....nvm]

I knew it.

God tells us that we reap what we sow. My brother sows procrastination, reluctant attitude and lack of fervour in studies. So, he reaps bad grades and the attached consequences.

We prayed for him. Even when the exams drew near. It's true that God can do miracles if He wants to, but never take His omnipotence for granted.

Don't think that just because you prayed extra hard before the exam, God will do a breakthrough in your papers for you, to compensate for your lackluster efforts.

WAKE UP YOUR BLOODY IDEA!!!

As much as God gives, He takes away as well.

No wonder grace is called grace. Something which you don't even deserve.

When I didn't put in sufficient effort or have been slack in performance, I never even dare to ask God to do miracles for me. How dare I? I would rather ask Him to reveal the areas which needs correction and for a thorough circumcision of my heart.

God deserves the best from you. You never please God by wasting your life away.

If you have no purpose for living, you might as well not live.

Stop going through the motions, stop doing things for the sake of doing them. Seek something deeper and more far-stretched. Sometimes, there's more than just what our minds can conceptualise.

2007-05-17T23:48:00.000+08:00

Dear Lord,

I know that at this juncture, my schedule's getting more and more packed. Things, events, meetings and all start to full up the empty slots on my timetable.

I ask that You provide me with effective and efficient time and resource management.

Let not the busy-ness take my heart and passion away from serving You.

And also, please help me set aside time to play and practice the Blues and worship songs too.

May I be a good steward of the gifts, talents and resources You placed in my life.

You be glorified in me, Lord.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

Spiritual Sponges

2007-05-16T10:30:00.000+08:00

During quiet time I read about us being like spiritual sponges.

The more we are humble, open and receptive, the more we will be able to absorb, the more teachable we will be. Thus, we are able to receive and get more input.

The Lord also tells us to be a blessing to others.

So what's next?

He will have to squeeze the sponges in order for them to let go of the blessings in them so that others in turn will receive it.

12 Do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. 1 Peter 4

A sponge will not be very useful if it refuses to let go of its contents when squeezed or pressed.

How willing are you to give up and surrender whenever God 'presses or squeezes' you?

My Prayer for Us and Myself

2007-05-13T19:14:00.000+08:00

We are to love others. We are to bless others in our prayers.

But if some people still don't get it and they refuse to change and still continue to take for granted their many blessings, I will not hesitate to ask God to wake up their ideas, to cause something to happen to them to shake them up, or even to bring His wrath upon them.

Like for those who stray away from Him - I still love them and will continue to pray for them. But I also pray that God will wake them up from their 'slumber' and breach their comfort zones, take them out into nakedness, expose them and reveal to them that He is all they need.

It's all for their own good. And if you think ignorance is bliss, you're so wrong.

May Your consuming fire burn in us, O Lord.

there must be more than this

2007-05-10T00:31:00.000+08:00

Tim Hughes' title "Consuming Fire" seemed to want to re-ignite a flickering/dying flame of passion in me.

The line, "There must be more than this" kept ringing in my head ever since last week.

And somehow or rather, I feel that at this moment - how I spend my time, how I live my life - there must be more to them. I'm kind of feeling like "it's not it, yet..." and "it's like further potential waiting to be unleashed".

My heart cries out desperately for more. More things to pursue, to engage, to commit, to live for, to give up, to serve, etc.

But some side of me fears burning out and having insufficient time for myself. Internal conflict.

That's something in which God has to help me sort out.

=====

Honestly, I HATE the feeling of not having anything to look forward to.

Especially for my guitar playing.

I'll be uneasy whenever I find out that there's 'no more' to learn. As in, you have expended your current learning and practice resources.

So that's why I ought to read up and find out more on what I can pick up in the days to come. Like what I mentioned before, "To take your playing to a higher level".

I'm not being obsessed with technicalities, but I'm cultivating a spirit of excellence in me, to strive for and give my best in whatever I'm pursuing.

So great to have the Blues to learn and fingerstyles to brush up on....

I'm having a little efficiency problem

2007-05-08T22:56:00.001+08:00

Erm...from what I see myself doing right now, I think I'm experiencing some sort of an efficiency problem. My productivity level's way too low at the moment and I fear for the worst.

I'm unable to wake up on time (6.30am) and I snooze/ignore the alarm clock for too long. When I wake up I dilly-dally and wonder about aimlessly.

I know I've got some admin work to do for church events and camps, but I can't take all day to do them right?

I've got my Blues dummies book and guitars lying around. I play and practice on them. I try new things, tricks and techniques on them. But still, I sense that my life right now is way too unproductive.

I fear I might already be.......slacking....shit!

=====

After analyzing today's work progress (if any), I found out that much of the inefficiency is derived from me trying to do too many things at the same time.

I can have my guitar on my lap, then I practice worship songs, then go check out some blues licks and rifts, listen to their mp3's, check my email, reply emails, surf some guitar sites, etc.

Thing is, I'm a person who's better at doing a few things, if not one, and doing them/it well.

Therefore, I should focus and not digress. One thing at a time, Dominic....one thing at a time.

2007-05-01T19:57:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was my first time attending the overnight prayer. It's from 11.45pm - 6am.

During the event and all, we prayed for homosexuality issues in our world and in our nation as well as the 3 different ministries in church - [1] youth, [2] children and [3] healing and counselling.

At around 5 plus (where the praying peaked), I was almost on the verge of dozing off and even had to force my eyes open to pray, if not I won't be surprised if my mind happened to drift away in thoughts.

=====

The previous Saturday marks the end of my 8-lesson guitar module for intermediate players.

It was really an experience attending the lessons.

Firstly, I had to wake up very early in the morning and I usually suffer from the lack of sleep because my events and plans for Fridays always end quite late.

Secondly, I was really inspired by the technical skills and passion which the teachers displayed. I find myself wanting to improve my abilities so that one day I can 'be like them'.

Thirdly, my playing style was shaken up violently by the honest and straightforward comments which they made. One of the teachers was very strict with us, yet so accurate in pinpointing the areas which we have to improve.

All in all, I wouldn't be playing what I'm currently playing if not for the teachers and their lessons. Even if I had to endure and bear many things in mind, it was still worth it at the end of the day.

Bluntly Speaking 2

2007-04-30T22:01:00.000+08:00

How are you going to spend your holidays?
==============================

Yes, I know. Unwind, relax, seat back, space out, daydream, do whatever you want to do, etc.

But what EXACTLY do you want to do?

Uh-huh, you can chill out, go out, watch movies, hang out, party, sleepover, stay up all night and all that...but don't tell me that's all you have for 100+ days. If so, that's very sad.

Honestly, if you don't really have any plans for the holidays, I can assure you that you won't really be doing and accomplishing much.

At the end of the day, ask yourself, "How can I effectively maximise my free time?"

To be frank, count the number of days in your holidays, remove 1/3 (that's for sleeping) and the remainder is what you have left. Not really that much, right?

The Inevitable Holidays

2007-04-26T19:46:00.001+08:00

Put it this way: Exams are inevitable, so are the holidays. Have we ever thought of this as well?

I'm kind of having mixed feelings this time, before I start my holidays tomorrow (after I finish my last paper in the morning).

One thing is that I'm glad that I can finally do what I really what to, but the other thing is that I fear I may not have planned adequately for the vacation period.

And for myself, bad planning means a great deal of inefficiency - wasted time, too much staring at the ceiling, too much slacking, etc. All this mean a rather wasted holiday.

On the other hand, I need space and time to unwind and catch up on my other hobbies and commitments without burning myself out.

So what I'll do is to spend the first few days coming up with a more concrete plan for the holidays, and also to purely relax and unwind.

Currently, the things I have in mind and have in store are (not in order of importance):

learn more styles, techniques and tricks on the acoustic guitar
try being a supporting/backup guitarist in my and my parents' cell
pick up the bass guitar
resume learning driving
some personal graphic design project(s)
jam sessions (many many!)
varsity outreach programmes
secondary school camp (logistics)
varsity camp
conference and mission trip to South Korea
campus crusades' training for group leaders
vacation to Australia to visit friends down there (hopefully)
thoroughly tidying up the many shelves in my house
doing my quiet time and worship in the park very early in the morning
training and taking IPPT
cycling around the estates
teaching some of my cellmate(s) the guitar (but seriously, I don't know how to start)
and all the usual chilling out, going out, movies, shopping, etc.

Yup. 102 days to do all these. It's really gonna be an experience.

2007-04-25T20:49:00.000+08:00

Am almost there. 1 more paper to go.

Was practising for my song presentation this afternoon. To say the truth, "Holy is the Lord" isn't a difficult song to play. The key is in G major and the chords are easy to handle.

Am going to use that song....but the thing is, I'll be playing it differently this time.

In the past, I can just grab the guitar and the pick and hit it. Not really a big issue.

But for now, I'll be presenting the song without using the pick. Just the guitar and my fingers. I'm doing this because:

I can fingerpick, then strum
I can vary the dynamics
I can feel for the strings

The 3 above-mentioned points is (honestly) enough to shake the way I play that instrument. But it takes a lot of practice, patience and perseverance.

Simple to say, but not easy to press on with it.

They say musicians learn faster by seeing, hearing and watching other people play. VERY TRUE!

During the previous guitar lesson, one of the teachers screened a short segment of the Hillsongs "Mighty to Save" DVD. The song "None but Jesus" was shown. It had Darlene Zschech as the lead singer and Reuben Morgan as the acoustic guitarist - that's all.

The way Reuben played the guitar simply inspired me to take my playing to a higher level. There was just such a nice touch to his playing and it really set the mood and atmosphere right for the song.

Furthermore, Reuben was strumming with his fingers! Which is why I need to get that technique right. Also, my guitar teacher is 'pick-free' and his plays exceptionally well.

So much things to pick up and so many people to learn from. I know what I'm gonna do during the holidays...hee...

Bluntly Speaking 1

2007-04-23T23:33:00.000+08:00

Punctuality
========

It is a matter of discipline. It is a reflection of how important you place that particular meeting, gathering or event in your heart.

If you are late or going to be late, make an effort to inform the respective organisers about it, and apologise when you arrive. Don't even think of acting as if nothing happened when you arrive late.

If you are consistently late, examine yourself. Observe your tendencies and scrutinize the way you plan your schedule and time.

If you tend to dilly-dally, prepare in advance so that you have more time as buffer just in case anything unexpected pops up along the way.

By the way, don't expect others (who came earlier) to wait for you, to prepare a grand ceremony for your arrival, etc.

Instead, you should respect those who came on time. Respect them for making the effort to observe punctuality and be fair to them. So, blame no one if you miss out on any parts of the event.

Remember, it starts with us.

I do have severe tendencies to be late. I think I have set aside sufficient time to make my way there, but many times, I'm wrong.

Therefore, (like what I said), I prepare in advance, I wake up earlier, I allocate buffer time. I need to do all this so that not only we can start things on time, but we can also end it on time.

Let's be punctual, shall we?

Bluntly Speaking (Prologue)

2007-04-23T23:29:00.001+08:00

For this category of posts, I shall speak from the bottom of my heart. I will be very straight to the point, so you don't have to read it if you don't want to.

I'm sorry if I may be a little too harsh or blunt with my words, but...nvm...

Fact is, there are certain issues bugging me which I need to address. And I will.

3 papers down, 3 more to go!

2007-04-23T17:06:00.000+08:00

This morning's Computing paper wasn't as nerve-wrecking as I thought it was to be. Thank God for His comfort, reassurance and most of all, His wisdom.

I've never felt this confident in dealing with a paper of a subject which I can't really get a hang of. I was uncertain and definitely anxious about it at first.

A glance at the past year papers invokes unspeakable fear and stress in me.

"How am I going to handle these questions?" "What if this sort of stuff really come out?"

Fears, uncertainties, worries, concerns, etc. The whole band of emotional stress twisting my head in knots, including the apparent fatigue and exhaustion from lack of sleep.

But God overcame them all.

And lifted me high above my problems.

Those who soar on wings of eagles will realise that the size of their problems is not a matter of difficulty but of perception.

In the midst of the stress

2007-04-19T20:11:00.000+08:00

My buddy and I will always do the countdown. So for today, it's 8 more days to the end of the exams.

Yes, I can't wait for the holidays to come. But before I go into the details of what I plan to do during those few months of break, I shall get a little serious now with certain issues.

During this period of examinations, I must really take a tough stance against procrastination and complancency. Even on the last day of the exams, I mustn't let my guard down. For a single weak point in the formation will lead to the collapse of the entire army.

This morning I took out my laptop and I got distracted. Wasted quite a bit of time surfing around instead of diligently pracitising my guitar playing and mentally preparing myself for the afternoon paper.

I'm not being harsh on myself. I'm being firm. And certain things cannot be compromised. Because after the exams, I have (somewhat) all the time in the world to do whatever I want, so for now, I'll concentrate on my exams.

Reality is, for certain things in life, we only have one shot at it - so give your best. Do whatever you want to do later.

=====

I long to have another jamming session with the rest of my cell-mates after the exams.

In view of this, after evaluating our previous jamming session, I noted one major concern: the need for more dynamics.

How?

giving more space during parts of the song
listening to one another
varying touch and volume
exercising variation in playing

In line with this (plus the guitar lessons I'm currently taking on in church), I have looked at my personal playing skills and I realised that there is a dire need for improvement.

Which is why I'm constantly on the look out for more ideas, techniques, tricks, advice, etc from various sources.

And to enhance our playing dynamics I'm spurred on to learn damping techniques, to sharpen my fingerplucking skills, and most of all to have pick-independence - to strum, pluck and do everything with my fingers only.

I have thought of picking up the bass guitar during the holidays too, but I'll see how it goes first. Still got way too much things to learn and do on the acoustic.

=====

Will share more in the entries to come. Back to studying. God bless!

2007-04-09T11:30:00.000+08:00

Exams....

Yes...they are here. Mine's starting on the17th of April till the 27th.

The usual mugging will start soon. But the one thing different this time is that I will still devote time to practice my guitar playing.

The last semester I didn't touch that stringed-instrument for around 3 weeks plus and when I did pick it up after the exams were over, the feeling was terrible. (Not to say that I'm good or what, but) I felt so mediocre. I felt as if I've lost quite a bit of experience during the time of abstinence.

Like swimming or cycling, you can never forget how to play an instrument after putting it aside for some time. The issue is, will your playing skills be as proficient? Answer is no.

Therefore, I feel convicted that there is always a need to at least maintain my playing proficiency. When the exams are over, I will be experimenting new songs, new styles, new techniques, new genres, etc.

I'm always striving to find more things to do with that instrument. To learn new stuff so that there's always something to look out for.

Nothing wrong playing whatever you're familar with, but if you really want to improve, then you will have to step out of your comfort zone to experience something different - then, will you be able to take your playing to a higher level.

And yes, May's approaching, the month (last year) when I picked up the guitar and decided I wanted to learn how to play it. Will talk about the details in another entry.

For now, all the best for your exams. Will see you at the finish line. And will definitely need jamming sessions to release the pressure valve.

God bless!

To take your playing to a higher level

2007-04-03T17:49:00.000+08:00

One very important lesson I learnt from our church's guitar lesson:

If you want to be good at playing or doing a note/chord/song/solo/rift/particular technique/etc...

...do it 1000 times.

If that's still not enough, do it 1000 more times. If not, add more 1000's till you are good/satisfied.

Practice makes perfect. And one thing which the instructor said to us is that there is bound to be pain and practice regardless of your playing competency or experience.

Fingers' gonna hurt and left palm's gonna get cramp. All these pain for the greater gain.

=====

If you think you are very familiar with a song in the key of A, C, D, E or G, use the capo and get a different playing experience.

For the songs in Key G: Capo 2, play in F

For the songs in Key D: Capo 2, play in C; or Capo 3, play in B

Barre chords are good for you. They strengthen your muscles and barring finger. A little practice everyday makes a proficient player in the long run.

Experiment more. That's the fun and vibrance of music.

I'm not a workaholic

2007-03-13T09:37:00.000+08:00

Please....don't think that my life is all about studies. And all I do is study, mug, and do my tutorials. Don't think that I'm always on the look out to accomplish more. And don't think that I essentially have no life.

In fact, the reason why I'm trying to work so hard (and sometimes place myself in 'overdrive' mode) is so that I have time for other people/things. Because the more work I get done now, I will have more spare time for my other commitments and I can proceed with them without the nagging feeling that I'll have to disengage from them soon to get back to my unfinished business.

I'm currently pushing myself harder during the weekdays so that I have time for church, family, friends and some personal recreational time during the weekdays. I'm not doing this because I'm addicted to my work. No!

There's already a lot to be done.

Sometimes when I'm close to the point of 'death', as in burnout, I feel like throwing in the towel. But I know I'm not doing what I'm doing in vain. In a way, it's the business in life which makes it interesting. Imagine if you have nothing to do, no commitments, no hobbies, nothing to look out for and too much time in your hands...I think that kind of life is a wasted life.

And for those of you folks who think that I'm "missing out a lot" when I stopped playing computer games, think again. What do all these give/benefit you besides the temporal stress relief?

Not to say that I haven't played them before, but in fact, I played away a few years of my life with them. And now, I say that that's the wasted life.

Pick up something more constructive. Computer games isn't morally wrong or detrimental to society, but is that the best avenue for you to channel your time into?

Picking up a skill would be great way to improve yourself and unwind your stress at the same time. Learn a musical instrument, learn a new computer software, learn a new sport, learn how to cook, learn how to fix hardware, learn some soft-skills (time management, effective leadership, interpersonal communication, etc).

Make the best use of your time, because life is short.

And whoever thinks that Christians have no life, PLEASE.... We have the most life, in fact. Eternal life - life in Jesus Christ.

God bless.

I'll wait on You, Lord

2007-03-07T20:37:00.000+08:00

There are certain aspects of my life which are exceptionally crucial to me. Some private ones and some public ones (like studies, family, church, work, etc).

As for those which are critical and can affect the days of my life to come to great extends, I shall seek and inquire the Lord of them. No answer, nevermind...Continue waiting.

I shall stop being a smart-Alex in the decisions I make. Instead to going ahead with them and only stopping when God says "No", I'll wait until God says "Yes"...then I'll proceed.

If He doesn't respond, I'll wait and will continue waiting because I know that He will answer and speak to you if you seek Him with all you've got.

There are certain desires in me which I would dearly like them to be granted/fulfilled. But looking at whatever I been through with the Lord, I decided to place them below Him in terms of importance and priority. Those things I may not have, but Him, I surely have.

Certain desires in me drive me to the point whereby the moment God takes away any part of it from me, I'll feel somewhat despaired and empty. That doesn't look right at all. Because the Lord gives and takes away, I will bless Him for the times He takes things away from me, so that I'm just left with Him.

...Till the point when that particular desire is nothing compared to Him. And if it's meant for you and according to His will, nothing can stop Him for granting you that desire.

If it's His way, He will make a way. If it's not His way, He will close all ways even though in your eyes the path is apparent.

Speak to me, Lord...that's all I desire. I'm sick and tired of being so preoccupied with serving You that I'm not even that close to You. I don't want to be obsessed with doing things for You that I neglect the relationship between the both of us - intimacy.

I want to hear Your voice, O Lord. I want to be so close to You, like how close the prophets were to You. Even though You're omnipresent, I'm desperate for Your manifest presence.

Let's meet up more often God...

2007-02-27T11:30:00.000+08:00

Okay, it's our 1-week recess period now. I know, but I'm very stressed.

There's so much things I wanna do (which I couldn't during the normal school days) and there are so much things I ought to do (notice the difference). And add on the usual obligations, duties and roles to perform, etc.

Yes, I'm rather stressed. Even though we're only in the 2nd day of this 1-week break, I can feel the immense pressure on my head and chest right now. The urge to get things done.

You might say, I'm crazy and I'm being too hard on myself, but honestly, I feel worse when the deadline's over and objectives are not achieved as expected. That would make me feel worse.

So that's why I'm pushing myself onwards to diligence and proactivity in the things I do. Doing it all for God's glory.

Hahaha...it's like saying "No" to complacency and procrastination. Yeah, those two are my most stubborn enemies. Whenever I think I'm over them, they suddenly appear beneath my skin.

Hmm...time to get back to my Effective Communication assignment...

God bless!

He put in me a new song

2007-02-21T14:30:00.000+08:00

Somehow or rather, this CNY period, with all the late nights, binge snacking and excessive feasting, my body's not feeling very good. And there's the persistent holiday mode still inside of me.

But one awesome thing happened during this short holiday period!

The Lord inspired me to write a song for Him.

Was in the shower when I was humming some random melody until a distinct tune came up. Then I used it alongside some lyrics (which I crafted on the spot) and it sounded alright! After the shower, I went to my desk, got out my journal and penned down the prototype lyrics. Took my guitar and tried to give the melody a more definite chord progression.

And pooh! It fit in well. So I stayed up until 2am plus coming up with the chorus (with God beside me and His infinite wisdom and creativity) and then the lyrics for the verse. Sounded well too. It's a praise song with an upbeat tempo.

Isn't our God so wonderful?

Alrighty, in the days to come I'll formulate a more concrete structure to the song, perhaps a chord progression for the introduction as well. And also to come up with a second verse or maybe even a third.

I'll share it with you folks when I'm done.

God bless!

2007-02-06T00:37:00.000+08:00

Sorry if this sounds cheesy.

Studying (memorizing facts, formulae, concepts, knowledge and all) is like building up your city's walls.

Getting exposure (doing tutorials, past year exam papers, etc) is like training and equipping the troops on the ramparts.

The enemy is slowly marching towards you. At every moment, their army is a step closer to your walls.

If you don't study, you may have troops (without walls) but their line of defense will melt when the enemy charges and pierces through with brute force.

If you don't practice, you may have sturdy walls, but with few guards on it, the walls and defenses will soon fall into the hands of the enemy's siege weaponry.

So, you must study and practice as well.

Dear Lord,

In the things that I do, I ask of You for David's passion, Solomon's wisdom, Daniel's discipline and Nehemiah's diligence.

That whatever I do will count towards bringing You glory.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

Unwell, uneasy, uncomfortable

2007-02-05T13:34:00.000+08:00

Been feeling the combination of these 3 for the past few days and even now.

Superficially, it's could be due to my busy schedule for last week, coupled with school work and the lack of sleep and all that. But there could be spiritual reasons to it as well.

Ever since the Crusaders began their 13-day period of praying and fasting to seek God's face, I must say that my walk with Him has been much closer than before. But I'm not going to stop there.

I want more of Him. Less of me and more of Him. Even...none of me and all of Him.

Last week I was leading worship on 2 consecutive evenings. Thursday was Crusade's crossroads (some sort of a mini-service with worship and message) and Friday was for cell.

Honestly speaking (for such a perfectionist like me), I went up with high expectations for myself (and for my team, for the Thur worship stint). I made sure the flow was right, that we had somewhat sufficient preparation and set the chord progressions straight. All the nitty-gritty stuff.

Then we did worship.

And I was stunned when I looked at the body languages of the worshippers. I was somewhat disappointed. "Hmm...how come they're so stiff?" "Or is it just me?"

I thought I did something wrong or did not do something right for the time being. Then, I decided to let God take charge. Absolute charge.

Bluntly and frankly speaking, I went on with the worship proceedings without thinking about anything except God. Seriously, I don't care if other people dragged their feet into His courts or if they didn't like the songs being sung. I don't care. I only care about whether I'm able to connect with God or not.

It's not (or NEVER) about me, nor them, nor the person beside you or me, nor the competency of playing an instrument, nor the song, it's about Him.

Which leads me to the point where I felt uncomfortable spiritually because I was approaching Him with things still obstructing my view of Him.

Foolishness are the things which hinder you from worshipping Him wholeheartedly.

I feel sick when something, or someone, or some situation or some experience or some etc, etc prevents me from seeking His face.

I appreciate reality checks. Why? Not only is it because we live in reality (hope you know this by now) but because God is real.

Yes. He has poured out His infinite love and unfailing grace to you and me. But that does not imply that we can have reason to be reluctant when coming to Him. When we drag our feets and go about our daily lives only seeking Him for a matter of convenience.

He's the Name above all names. Repent and ask Him for forgiveness if you EVER use His name in vain.

We ought to revere God with our everything.

I'm sorry if certain things I say here hurt or damage your feelings, but this is necessary. He is the most high and I have to defend Him for His sake not out of the sense of duty, but because I love Him.

God bless.

Stretched and Challenged in many ways

2007-01-25T17:03:00.000+08:00

I'm tired, got many things to do in very little time. Much of time spent on school work, then followed by things for God (church, cell, crusade). What's left is for eating, drinking, rushing here and there, sleeping, etc.

Almost no time for myself. Or if I have, it just passes by way too quickly.

So much things to do. But I'm not complaining. In fact, I'm thankful that such a chain of events is occurring. Must be from God. To keep me on the move and on the ball all the time for Him.

It's like a marathon. To keep going is to keep going. If you want to keep going, you have to keep going (maintaining momentum). To keep the fire for God burning, you will have to exercise your passion and live out your faith daily.

I'm glad that in such a context, there is an abundance of opportunities to step out of your comfort zones, to be challenged by God and to stretch your hunger for Him. It's only in the midst of the storms and when the rubber hits the road when you can finally put all you have envisioned and planned into practice.

I'm being optimistic on this one. It's not that I'm ignoring the pile of work to be done, but I'm seeing things with a different perspective.

Seeing problems as challenges and viewing burdens as opportunities to rely totally on God.

I'm really in a situation where I need God more than ever before.

If you're tired or exhausted, don't give up, give it to God and ask Him for His refreshment
If you're pissed by the world, don't flare up in anger, ask God for His grace
If you're hard-pressed for time, don't ask for less work, ask God for better time management
If you're faced with intimidating quantities of work, don't ask to be excused from them, instead, ask God to grant you stronger arms and tougher bodies to bear them

It's only in the furnace of affliction where God refines you. It's only in the pressures of life, where your character will be hardened.

If you're stressed or burdened in the future, think about the diamond. It's because of pressure which transformed filthy carbon into precious stones.

God bless.

How do you know if something is of God's will?

2007-01-22T17:00:00.000+08:00

Interesting question, right?

I think it would be easier to answer if the question was: How do you know if something is OUT/NOT of God's will?

Hmm...from experience (personal and from others), here's some things I found out.

[Disclaimer: These aren't absolute/ten-year-series answers. They are just observations. Such experiences can vary from person to person.]

that something is hindering you from worshipping God wholeheartedly
that something is something you probably wouldn't proudly and publicly share with fellow believers
you feel promptings and spiritual nudges when doing that something and you know it doesn't give you a sense of peace
to do that something, you have to make deliberate actions and plans (like the opposite of a God-ordained event)
that something is making you suffocated and constipated inside (may be mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or a combination of them)
that something makes you spiritually numb in the house of God and in the worst case scenario, makes your heart hardened

So, the conclusion is: Stick to His will. Not our wills but His be done.

My maths tutorial, ahh....

2007-01-16T01:21:00.000+08:00

Lemme tell u something. I just finished doing my maths tutorial (even though there are some questions which I have no idea how to deal with them). Started on them since 8 or 9 plus.

Well, that's typical of my maths tutorials. I still remembered my first math tutorial in semester 1 (I'm right now doing my 2nd semester). It's a Friday night and people have left for home after lessons and stuff. And I'm in my hostel doing my math. From 6 plus after dinner right until 10 plus.

My other church cellmates at that time were viewing fireworks at the Esplanade, I can still remember.

And guess what, this piece of work which I spent 4+ hours on is just covered in a 1-hour tutorial slot. Heh...sounds, like not worth it, right?

Wrong! Still must do. Because I am student and I want to be good good student. I want to make God and my parents proud of me.

Wah! I tell you, the sense of satisfaction from finishing it is veri veri shiok, one!

...but my brain going to explode liao...

My theme for 2007

2007-01-14T00:37:00.000+08:00

I know this may be a little late to state things for 2007, but better late than never.

Ever since a certain string of events in late 2006, the Lord somehow challenged me to take my faith and trust in Him to a higher level for 2007.

So, the theme for 2007 goes along the lines of doing more for God.

During the last week of the holidays (before school starts), by brother (in-Christ) WR and I decided to take time off to do a prayer-walk in NTU and SIM. The night before while I was seeking God for His leading and direction, He gave me some thoughts.

CFC. Not the gas which depletes the ozone layer, but Courage for Christ. It's corresponding question will be: Do we dare?

Do we dare to:

make a difference/make an impact
do more for Him
sacrifice for Him
be holy and set apart
obey Him
step out of our comfort zones

The list is definitely inexhaustive. You should get the gist of it all by now, right?

=====

As much as this is a challenge, this is also a choice. We aren't forced or threatened to do more for God. We still have our free wills intact. God is gentle and gracious.

Bluntly speaking, you don't have to do this. You can still do your own thing, do whatever you are doing, go to church, go to cell, day-in and day-out. Nothing wrong with that. Not sinful. No criminal intent involved.

But ask yourself this question: Is that all? Can I do more?

If we were to do more for God, we have to make the intentional effort to sacrifice and surrender certain things to Him. He can't use us if we still stubbornly hang on to our wills and things not of Him.

If you decide to take the bold leap of faith, prepare for more challenges on the road ahead. Certain things God will remove, certain things God will add. But whatever the case, it's all from His good intentions.

=====

Yup. School's already begun. Instead of feeling reluctant to hit the books and lecture threatres, let us embrace it with anticipation and enthusiasm because God placed us in our respective institutions for a reason.

Take each day, week, month, semester, academic year as opportunities to give glory to God. To be good stewards of His resources. To live the life He made you to live.

Lastly, here's a thought:

Instead of just doing what you/others think you can do, strive for what God knows you can do.

How's your first day of school?

2007-01-08T19:05:00.000+08:00

Just came back from my first Campus Crusade DG (Discipleship Group) meeting. Got to know one another better (background, course of study, plans for the year, etc). And we prayed for one another's needs.

I must say I'm really refreshed just by that 1-hour something meet. It's not that we're doing non-academic stuff, but it's because God's there.

=====

Even though we may know the system better this time round, but that's no excuse for complacency. Instead, we should learn from our past mistakes and anticipate future challenges on the road ahead.

2007-01-02T19:20:00.000+08:00

From what I know, there's something in me that's just different from this world.

Disclaimer first....that I'm not boasting. You may find this in you too. I won't be surprised.

There's something in me which wants to make a difference. It wants to have a proactive part to play in the course of things. Yes, making a difference (I know you heard that many times), not waiting for a difference.

Like, I don't need drugs or alcohol to make myself rot, just inactivity, passiveness. Yeah, just daydream, do nothing, talk only, fantasize, wonder, etc.

But in many cases, this 'thing' has been pacified by peer pressure, complacency and procrastination.

Just to sidetrack, the reason why I love war-films (with all the battle scenes) is because the soldiers are doing something. They have an active and crucial role to play. They are giving up their lives for a cause. Seeing them charge at the frontlines gives me the adrenaline rush. Partially due to effects or dynamic cinematography, but mainly because the 'thing' in me wishes to do the same.

Gore and bloodshed aside, sometimes I feel like jumping into the screen and have a part to play in the war.

=====

That's about making a difference. Life, you can say consists of several battles. And as Christians, yes, there's spiritual warfare waging around us as well.

In fact, we are participating in the war whether we know it or not. We all have a part to play. That's why the Bible mentions about the armour of God.

I realised that many times, at most, I'm just cheering on my fellow comrades in the battlefield. I hide behind cover and in the safety of the barracks while they charge and march forward. But God somehow made me realise that I'm not made for this. Through certain events He somehow transferred me back to the frontlines.

Feels and sounds scary to me at first, but I know that this is something I have to do. I need to do something about it.

I want to be in the frontlines. I want to trade my life for His glory, my blood for His honour. All that I have for Him. Bullets may whiz pass me (peer pressure) and shrapnel pierce me (persecution) but I know that it's worth it.

Some thing is only worth living for, if it's worth dying for.

=====

Been exceptionally encouraged by the book I borrowed which talks about the lives of Chinese missionaries, in their vision and efforts to spread the gospel in the strongholds of Islam, Hinduism and Buddhism.

It's not that we need to become missionaries to live a life worthy of God. What we need is their passion and attitude. That's what makes the difference.

(I'm not out of my mind when I'm typing this.) I thank God for allowing all the adversities, trials, tribulations and hardships in my life. Thank you God for all these. My character can only be refined in the furnace of affliction and hardened under the pressures of life.

Prayers which stretch your faith

2006-12-26T00:13:00.000+08:00

After going through a string of God-ordained events which resulted in me surrendering my closest rights and dearest desires to the Lord, I must say that it’s because of these events which made me walk even much closer to Him.

The greatest challenge is to obey God. It’s not merely a “Yes, Lord” or “No, Lord” affair. It involves more than just that. It’s submission and surrender. Submitting to His will and surrendering all to His hands.

Obeying God is loving God.

15 “If you love me, you will obey what I command.” John 14

Definitely easier said than done, that’s why I know it’s not easy. It may cost you sweat, tears or even blood. But at the end of the day, it’s worth it.

I may miss having those things which God has taken away, but I know that He does this because He loves me. But the joy from what I gained far outweighs the pain of what was taken away. I’m now much closer to God and realized that if it’s not for Him taking those things away, I would not have prayed some of the prayers I prayed recently, not have the magnitude of faith I now have and not have such a closer encounter with His love and all.

God has answered my ‘dangerous’ prayers and will answer some of them in the time to come. Prayers which stretch your faith. Prayers like:

“Dear Lord, my desire is to have , but not my will but Yours be done”
“If only You could place me in a situation whereby I will be living on the edge and have nothing to rely on except You.”
“That instead of asking You to satisfy my desires, Lord, help me to satisfy Your desires.”
“That I rather You not give me what I want so that I can love You wholeheartedly than for me to have my desires met and then straying away from You.”

Because You are more than enough for me. Your joy’s my strength and Your loving kindness / love is better than life.

Previously, there were certain areas of my life which are not pleasing to God. I was quite sick of it but still went about my wrong ways. After this incident, the things which I hold on so tightly to were uprooted and God gave my spirit a good scrub.

It’s painful but necessary. Good thing is that I am no longer hiding things from my Master and that I have a clean slate with Him. No more guilt, nor shame, nor hardness of heart.

2006-11-03T13:39:00.000+08:00

Okay ah, I tell you ah. This blog is no more. This one is transfer to another one.

The address ah, is this one: http://dominicsoh.multiply.com

Steady ah? Don't say I never tell u...

The Lord gives and takes away

2006-08-20T23:41:00.000+08:00

21 "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." Job 1

Every good and perfect gift comes from above. And if the Lord takes away some things from us, we must know that they are effected with His good intentions in mind.

Today, a very close brother and cell-mate of mine, Timothy, left for Brunei for good. Just when we got to know each other much better after the mission trip (which was a few months back), he has to leave.

Just as much as I long for him to stay longer, or even a little while longer, I still know that it is His will which will overrule all.

21 Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Prov 19

Some things which happen around us we will never be able to understand even with the greatest of all intellect. For the wisdom of man is foolishness in His sight.

Despite the shortcomings in my knowledge and wisdom, I still know that His plans for Timothy are good and purposeful. Not my will but His be done.

Definitely his departure isn't the end, but only the beginning. We may be separated by great land masses and bodies of water but we are still one in the body of Christ. And thank God for advancement in modern technology which makes telecommunication so much more accessible.

So, we aren't really that separated after all, aren't we?

2006-08-17T17:54:00.000+08:00

Ever since I bought a canister of hello panda (tasty biscuits with creamy chocolate filling), I just can't stop. Give me Max Brenner's and I can stop, because I don't want to eat too much and then feel jaded about it.

But that canister of evil...the biscuit pieces are so small, eat one, eat one more. One more's never enough. Even though the chocolate quality isn't actually worth mentioning, it's a simple pleasure to have it in this isolated campus (from the rest of the world).

There's countless pieces in that canister and having one more won't make a difference. Yeah right...only one day and I have finished around 2/3 of it. Hmm...

=====

Stayed back with my friends after the Materials Science lecture to ask the lecturer some questions. When he finished his explanation and we finished our inquiries and all, he mentioned the benefits of attending lectures.

May sound like a no-brainer or something you don't need to know, for some. But I think it's like reassurance - that your trip isn't in vain.

Pay careful attention to the lecturer. Not only on the topic and subject discussed but also the level of emphasis on the respective topics. It's already a hint - if you can spot it. Since our exams are internally set, that means hints will definitely come in handy.

Like if he skips this page but focuses on the other, you should know what's crucial and what's not.

"Study smart, not hard" he said.

=====

Fencing @ 6.30pm @ sports and recreation centre. Got to get moving soon.

Getting things in order

2006-08-16T23:29:00.000+08:00

27 Finish your outdoor work and get your fields ready; after that, build your house. Prov 24

Another streak of wisdom from one of my favourite books in the Bible.

In short, get your priorities right. Do things in order. Important ones above and trivial ones below. You know the drill.

Like what my secondary school vice-principal told us during an assembly gathering. Get your priorities right. Imagine a bucket (your life or available time, so to speak) and rocks of different sizes (things to do of varying importance).

Put the bigger rocks in first, then the pebbles and finer sand particles will fill up the gaps in between the boulders. Do it the other way round and you won't even have room for the large rocks.

Get the idea?

For some of us, we can start by putting God first. For others (like me), we can start by stopping procrastinating and whiling our time away.

The time (life) you have is God-given and bought for a hefty price (the blood of Christ). Use it to the fullest extend unto His glory and you will be storing up for yourself treasures in heaven.

Honour Him and He will honour you in return. To God be the glory!

2006-08-14T21:13:00.000+08:00

What a Monday...

Packed from 8.30am to 5.30pm, except for a 2 hour break in between (1030-1230). But I spent that amount of time queuing up to collect my laptop. Started queuing from 1030 plus till 1145 plus, I guess.

Thank God I survived the long and pain-staking wait. Got the laptop but suffered from my occassional gastric surges. Didn't feel very good from then on.

Didn't have a proper lunch except for a sandwich from the vending-machine and some chocolate wafers. Ate them during tutorial cause I didn't have time for lunch. Hope I didn't give my tutor a bad impression by munching from my doggie bag while he's talking about some tutorial proceedings.

After the tutorials there's 3 hours worth of lectures (1 hour math, 2 hour economics). Math was a free period cause the lecture was cancelled as the other group was a lecture behind. But there's still the econs one. Felt a little unwell and fatigued as well.

Skipped archery at 6.30pm. Went straight to hall and configured my laptop. Played the guitar and did the more challenging chords. B7 and F. B7's coming fine but I need more practice for a smoother and crisper sounding F.

But I thank God for all He has seen me through so far. And thanks, Dad (both down here and up there) for the laptop.

I think I've got to get a printer next, to print my notes from my hall straight - saving me the hassle from the long lines at the printing shop.

=====

Thank God also for seeing me through last cell's worship. Was my first, but definitely not last. There's more to come and I surely look forward to the future ones.

There are a few gliches here and there, but they are all technicalities, aren't they? Thing is, as long as God is glorified, I'm happy.

Now, back to work.

Organise notes
Tutorials
Read up for coming lectures

It's about giving your best

2006-07-27T22:31:00.000+08:00

In worshipping God, it's about giving your best. It's about doing your utmost. Because the Lord deserves everything you have got.

Whether you have much or little, many or few, give Him all you have got.

I suddenly pondered on this some time ago regarding my guitar playing skills. I'm merely a 3-month-plus old guitar player - still considered a beginner and have a long way ahead. Many strumming patterns I don't know, many songs I haven't heard and many chords I couldn't even imagine.

But something struck me when I meditated on "giving your best for God". That means if I only know a handful of songs and a few chords, then I should use that to give Him the glory He deserves.

Just like the widow (in Luke 21:1-4) who gave 2 copper coins to the temple, we should learn from her and put in our best efforts to please the Lord. That in itself is an act of worship. For she gave more than the others because she gave all she had.

Moreover it's the heart that matters.

As long as the heart is obedient, willing and humble before the Lord (and not man), it will be pleasing to His eyes.

23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men,
24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
Col 3

When I place my focus on God and with the desire to magnify Him, the human and technical aspects of worship take the back seat.

You play with your fingers
You sing with your voice
You worship with your heart

People notice the minute details
I struggle with the technicalities
God sees the heart

Where I place my Eyes on

2006-07-25T16:40:00.000+08:00

Where you put your eyes on determines your focus.

I did mention that I was kind of affected by the scrutiny of others and their opinions.

This goes to show that instead of looking at Him, I'm looking around. Instead of focusing on Him, I use my attention span to take notice of the things around me. In turn, I get affected and my worship to Him would no longer be wholehearted.

I need to place my eyes on God. To enthrone Him in the center of my life and my circumstances. To place Him on top of my priorities. Because the things of this world shall fade away, but He will remain.

Once I focus on God and God alone, I have a purpose worth living and dying for. He is my worth, my meaning, my significance. Apart from Him, I have no good thing and I have nothing. With Him, I have everything. He gives me a reason to live for and that reason will not wear away as long as I continue to fix my eyes on Him.

The moment I take my eyes away, shift my attention, I get distracted. The noise and temptations of this world begin to take footholds in my life and I get blinded to my true purpose.
To go up, look up.
To get lost, look around.
To go down, look down.

God is the only thing worth living and dying for. Humanly goals and ambitions can entice you to pursue them but they are merely temporal. They only bring you earthly rewards and meaning. But Christ can give you eternal, supernatural and spiritual significance if you focus on Him and let Him rule your life.

=====

My life be lifted high
All I have is Yours
I lay down and surrender
My life is in Your hands

Future, hope, plans, ambition
You take charge of them all

Your will be done on earth, in heaven and in my life
Make my life glorify You

Teach me how to be humble and recognise my weakness
Your strength is made perfect in my weakness
Your glory is made perfect in my meekness
Your wisdom is made perfect in my foolishness
Your sovereignty is made perfect in my limitations

Make my life glorify You

Stand and Stare Syndrome

2006-07-19T18:56:00.000+08:00

It's in Singaporeans. Some...but not all.

It is something which rather pisses me off. Something (out of the blue) happens and all Singaporeans can do is to stand and stare. That's all. They aren't doing anything else which helps rectify or make things better.

If you aren't making yourself useful, then stop glaring. You can look, but don't stare. Move on. You aren't going to improve the situation by just looking.

There are some reasons behind it, I guess:

curiosity 1: Oh dear...what in the world is happening?
curiosity 2: Wah!! This kind of thing not everyday can see one! Must see somemore!
timidity/cowardice
indifference 1: Don't know what to do, so how to help?
indifference 2: I help later no reward one...
indifference 3: I can help but I can't be bothered
pride/arrogance

Scenario 1: I'm painting my house's gate

Neighbours walk by. One neighbour I know says hi. Some go about their own businesses. Some walk pass and glare.

What's the problem?

You're making me feel very uncomfortable and nervous. I'm doing my own stuff and I do not need your scrutinizing eyes. Shoo! Go look somewhere else, lah!

From their looks/stares (I think):

they're judging my painting skills
they're coming up with an idea of my family's level of affluence from the quality of my gate
they're wondering why don't I have something better to do
"Aiyah...don't know how to paint, don't paint lah...Ask someone more skillful to do the job for you."

Scenario 2: You drop your books/notes/stuff in a rather crowded train carriage

From their looks/stares (I think):

they want to find out what's going on
"I wonder if he needs help."
"Wa lao eh...drop your books, so noisy leh...I trying to sleep lor..."
"Aiyah...carry so many things for what? So troublesome..."
"Your parents never teach you how to hold things properly, ah?"
"Wah!! You still using that calculator? So outdated sia!"

Scenario 3: I'm reading my Bible and minding my own business

From their looks/stares (I think):

"Wah! So holy!"
"How come that book so many words and the words so small, one?"
[certain people] "BLOODY INFIDEL!!!"

Haha...or perhaps I'm thinking too much...